Some Bizarre Things I Found Online Today

• Is this thing actually for real? Ok, I know I'm not a parent and I don't know how hard it is to use a public bathroom when you have a toddler and no stroller, but is it really necessary to put them in a harness and strap them to a stall door?
• My friend Carrie once told my sister and I that she believed that we were born without butt cracks because she never saw us sporting butt cleavage. Her rationale was that with today's style of jeans, whether people liked it or not, you were going to reveal some cleavage of the ass at some point. She never once saw an indent on us. First I do have a butt crack/cleavage. Now the rumours of me being an alien can be laid to rest. Second, now I know I can be involved in this protest. There is nothing better in the world when an individual fights for the rights of individuals to expose their butt cleavage in full glory. You have to know that are forefathers would be doing the same.
• When I first logged into Yahoo today, to check my email, I saw this article displayed in the "in the news" section. Does the other half of "America's Funniest People" (or as some others no her the girl ....um "riding" the hood of the car in the video for White Snake's Here We Go Again), deserve such prominent display? No, I didn't think so. (Ew. I just admitted to watching America's Funniest People and knowing White Snake.)
• Ever have one of those days where you just want to bust some heads, and then you see this and all is well again?

I'm getting sick...again

This will be my third cold since October. One for every month since then. What the frick? It's like my immune system has completely given up on me. Every germ I come into contact with just conquers me.

I blame for the extreme changes in the weather. December 1st we had a blizzard that dump nearly a foot of snow on us. For the next week we had bitterly cold weather. Since then we have been gradually experiencing increased temperatures. Then, just like that, yesterday all the snow that came from the blizzard has basically melted away. My body doesn't like this change.

Because I am bored, I am also going to amuse myself with a top 5. Here it goes:

Top 5 Movies I Almost Forgot About
(movies I watched when I was younger, then go an extended period of time without seeing it, followed by someone mentioning it and me proclaiming, "Oh yeah, I know that movie. I loved that movie!")

1. Monster Squad - About a group of kids that have to battle Count Dracula and other movie monsters (except for Frankenstein's monster who becomes their friend).--Hey speaking of Frankenstein's monster, did you hear that Peter Boyle died? that is sad.--The one awesome part I remember from the movie is the line, "Wolfman's got nards."

2. Little Monsters - I thought about this movie before I noticed it was listed in the "other items customers bought" section of Monster Squad. Anyway, Fred Savage is in this movie. There is a monster that lives under his bed. The monster is gross, so of course it has to be Howie Mandel. The movie kind of frightened me as a kid, so needless to say I liked it a lot. I was a weird kid.

3. Troop Beverly Hills - I'll be honest, I did not/will not almost forget this movie. It is embedded into my soul forever. I must have made my mom rent this movie at least once every two months. I wanted Shelley Long to be my Troop leader, and I wasn't even in Scouts. We don't need no stinkin' patches!

4. License to Drive - Starring the Coreys (Haim and Feldman) this movie is about a guy who fails his driver's test only to fake his passing it so he can take the hot girl (played by Heather Graham) out on a date. I like all Corey movies but I liked this one the most because it was Haim-centered and he was my favorite of the Coreys. My second favorite Corey film is Dream a Little Dream for one reason a lone: "It's a party! Who's got the chips???" Besides, I talked about that movie before.

5. And for the impending holiday season: Santa Claus: The movie - Dudley Moore and John Lithgow. Do I really need to say more? Ok. According to sites that talk about the movie there are essentially two parts. The first part (of which I don't remember) revolves around how Santa Claus became Santa Claus. The second half is set around the theme of saving Christmas from an evil business man and an elf that has strayed. Things I remember from this movie include exploding candy canes and two kids that some how help in the mission to save Santa.

Retrojunk is a good site to reacquaint yourself with some awesome movies (television shows, toys, video games etc.) from your past.

Even though I am no longer in school, I get my own mini winter vacation.

I got a little bit scared yesterday when my boss came into my office hands me a piece of paper and says that I have been there too long and they have to let me go...

*me giving blank stare which whimpers confusion and fright*

...What she really meant to say is that with the calender coming to an end, I have not taken enough paid vacation/personal days that would not roll into the next year if I didn't eat them up by the end of the month. What does this all mean? Well, this means I have Dec 20th-Jan 1 off. No work for almost two weeks. Weee. I do not know what I will do with myself.

P.S. I got news recently that my brother is quitting UW-Madison. Probably the dumbest move he has/will ever make but whatever. I keep on repeating to myself, "It's his life, not mine. It's his life not mine." But if there is any truth to the rumors that he quit because he didn't want to end up "like me" (that being in a 'low paying/no respect job' that isn't representative of my degree) I will have to slap a pinko-commie-turned-capitalist bitch.

P.S.S. Today I am one year older, and I am feeling old.

Boys say the "sweatest" things to me

First, let me say, that the very first Sweetest Day my mom and dad spent together, my dad gave her a card that said she was the "Sweatest" person he knew. My mom kept it to show people the funny.

Ok, now that I have that out of the way, let me get to the real content of my post:

It doesn't happen that often, but guys do hit on me. Of those guys that hit on me, 99% of the time they are drunk out of their minds. I kid not. When it does happen, oh...comic gold. Lets look at some of the good lines, each bullet point is one new and wonderous boy:

• Random guy in Walgreens: "Hey baby! You're tall like me, lets make babies." Mmmmmm
• Random little guy named Mikey, Micky and Powder (he was wee little white hip-hop dude) after insulting my teeth, and clothing style: "So me and my friend are going back to his place to smoke a bowl, you want to come with?" Your words are undressing me.
• Guy blatantly staring at my breasts: Me-"Are you staring at my boobs?" Him-"No...*stares*...but they are really nice." Ewww.
• After making out and then finding out he has a girlfriend: "So my roommate is single and a really nice guy." Ohhhh where do I sign up?
• Guy this past weekend, after calling me a closed-off liberal hippie, told me I said the stupidest thing he ever heard and telling girls around us that they were sluts (to their face), hands me a napkin with his contact information: "You have 2-5 days before I lose interest." Don't worry, I'm still at day 2. I'm just working up the nerve to email that asshole.

That's is all I can think of. If any friends of family can remember a good story I told them, let me know. I like remembering this crap.

So deliciously bad and corny that its Unbelievable!

This weekend I went to visit my friend Kelly who lives near Chicago. After going out for dinner and making our own version of a Sweaty Betty (Schnapps, whisky and sour)she asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. SO I looked at what she had, and I said, "Oh, Teen Witch! I haven't seen that in forever." So we watched it.

I think it was at this scene I turned to her and said, "Why do I NOT own this movie?"

Just listen to the song and ignore the images

I like this version of Anarchy in the UK (called Anarchy en espanol). Its done by Storm and the Balls. The lead singer (Storm Large) was on the show, Rockstar Supernova. Luckily for her she lost. I don't get why the person correlated the Naughy Sesame Street images with it, but whatever.

Movie to RENT

That would be Tenacious D: Pick of Destiny. It's ok, but I would say that it is not necessary to go see it in the movie theaters even if you are a Tenacious D and/or Jack Black fan (and I would consider myself both). It could have been funnier. They didn't utilize their song writing abilities to their fullest. I did, however, enjoy spotting out some cameo's such as Jack Black's Orange County co-star Colin Hanks. Anyway, just wait for the DVD release and rent/Netflix it.

I wouldn't have seen it anyway, but my brother wanted to go and said he would pay for my ticket. Since I never turn down free stuff (see all my posts about free beer) I went along.

Quotes

"You look like you have a little pow wow in you." - co-worker upon finding out I am half American Indian.

"You gain experience by playing with yourself.": About the Nintendo Wii Sports game (said all weekend long as a running joke)

My brother, mom and I talking about my other brother's kitten Gobi: "She is fat and lazy." My dad while walking into the room, "Hey, where IS your sister, Nanabutt?" Burn!

Turkey Day

The stuff that happened that always happens:

I always go back to my parent's place for Thanksgiving. So, this means that I am sleeping in my old bedroom (duh) which is right next to the kitchen and the morning of Thanksgiving I am awaken earlier then I want to because I hear my dad rattling around as he prepares the feast.

I get up and go to the living room where I usually join my mom and watch the Macy's Day parade. After this everyone gets showered/dressed and waits for whoever is joining us for the day. We eat and drink.

The people that need to, take a nap (trytophan!) and/or watch football. The rest of the night is conversation, dessert and more drinking.

Other stuff that happened this year that doesn't always happen:

My brother just recent bought Nintendo Wii (weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!). So almost everyone in the house was surrounding the television either participating or watching people play. I usually hate all video games, but this crap was actually fun. I think I like the fact that the controllers don't have a bazillion buttons and now you get an actual result when you move your controller around.

While poking around at my sister's stomach, I noted how it is actually getting pretty firm (she is 15 weeks). She isn't noticeably showing quite yet but you can definitely feel the difference in her belly.

Went to bed early because I had to work today (suckage).

Overall pretty uneventful T-Day.

But kids are sometimes cute

Photography (of sister's wedding) done by Rachel Droppers:

This is a picture of my sister with her friend's daughter Autumn. Autumn is like a niece to all of us.

This is a picture of my cousin Emily. She is one of the flower girls.
This is the groom with his nephew (the jr groomsman) and my cousin (the ring bearer).
Here is the other flower girl. Unfortunately she was a tad shy, so she didn't walk the aisle.
This young lady would be Kayla, my 8 year old cousin (jr bridesmaid and younger then the boy she walked with).

And these would be my cousin, the flower girl yet again. I couldn't help but post another picture of her. She is just too cute. The photographers couldn't even help themselves, they just kept on taking pictures of her. She was also really cooperative in posing for the pictures. She is a little ham. And yes, photos are copyrighted.

Kids do stupid things

This is a short bizarre story about my uncle (mom's brother). I have heard this story many times, but it still fails to not amuse me.

My mom and her family were driving up to the Menominee Reservation to visit family. This was, I am assuming based off the age range of my child-age uncle, sometime in the early 70's. They were all in a car driving on some little road (I forget if it was a dirt/gravel path or an actual road because sometimes I add untrue things into stories). Anyway, they were going at a not-too-fast speed, when out of the blue my uncle says, "Mannix!!!," and jumps out of the car, rolling on the ground.

Of course, the car was stopped and my uncle was fine. No need to take him to the hospital.

Mannix, was a television show about an Armenian American detective. In the opening sequence, Mannix is seen (?)rolling out of his car (think it is the scene depicted in the "M" box)(?)

Kids, don't copy what you see on TV, especially Heroes.

Hangin' Tough

Driving home, I stopped at a traffic light and walking down an alleyway to my right, were three 10-12 year old boys.

I don't know about you, but when I was that age, I was friends with some "bad" kids. They were known to swear and "smoke" cigarettes (by this I mean puff and not inhale). They would walk down the streets with "tough" looks on there faces. I wasn't as tough as they were, because I was a good kid and just not cool but I wanted to be cool. So that is why I hung out with them.

These kids reminded me of my old friends. So naturally I smiled in their direction. Then I saw them walk across the street in front of me. Midway through the light changed on them. Two of the three bolted across the street. The last one...wait for it...SKIPPED across the street. Not just skip, but skip almost joyfully.

This is when I started to laugh hysterically, which wasn't that good since I was now driving. It was just too funny to watch this kid, who was trying to look tough with his friends, skip across the street. Tough kids don't skip.

Tiny Baby Canopies

Sometimes, I question how I made it through college. Here is a good story:

While visiting my hometown of Sheboygan one weekend, I accompanied my mother to Target, to shop for my little cousins' birthday presents. So there we were walking down one of the sporting good aisle looking for a tiny golf set, or something equally cool and tiny, when I noticed something that looked like a tiny canopy made for a baby on the top shelves.

I pointed at it and asked my mother, "What the hell can fit under there?" My mom looked at me like I lost my mind and didn't answer me. A few minutes later, I asked again. "I don't know. Like a (lists off things that would not fit under a tiny canopy made for a baby)," says my mom. I give her a look like she is crazy. Me, being really angry about it, "No...Seriously! What can that cover? It's...oh."

This is when I realize that it is just a tent model. I noticed the other "tiny baby canopies" with boxes of normal sized tents under them. My mom noted my Eureka! face and started laughing at me while my face turned ten shades of red knowing that people heard our entire conversation. To make light of the situation, as we walked past a tiny sleeping bag model, I said to my mom, "Seriously, WHAT person can fit in that sleeping bag?"

Ummmm....I....was...really tired??? Ok, I have no excuses.

This story is an example of my superior intelligence, and why I am allowed to talk about politics.

South Africa "Forward"

South Africa is in the process of recognizing same sex unions. This comes about after the US election in which several states, including my home state of Wisconsin, passed amendments declaring a marriage between a man and a woman, thus making any other status similar to marriages (unions between ANY two individuals) invalid.

OK. First of all. South Africa! This is a country where a legal system of segregation, otherwise none as apartheid, was in place until 1990 (or somewhere in there). This is in a continent that looks down upon homosexuality (much like our own dear country). And yet, they are progressive enough to recognize that two individuals who are devoted to each other, need to have the legal rights to benefits that any couple is given.

Security in One's Sexuality

Did I ever mention that my family gets into really weird conversations when we are gathered together? One of the conversations we just recently had was about TV/Movie boyfriends/girlfriends. You know what I am talking about...Like how Benicio del Toro is my movie boyfriend...he just doesn't know it. This some how lead into us talking about our TV/Movie same sex crushes AKA "who we'd go gay for." My dad and brother-in-law were a little bit hesitant about admitting they had one. This is when my sister chirp in saying (not word for word but the idea): "It's not so much about the sex. It's more about admiring their talent and having that opportunity to stand next to you. Sort of like, 'Yeah, I'm awesome...Look at how awesome I am, I can get this person!'" So finally, they gave in. Brother-in-law: Sean William Scott "because he's funny." Dad: Tom Hanks "because I like his movies."

Other family members. Brother: George Clooney "because he's the man!" Mom: Charlize Theron "because she's so cute and sexy in that one movie." Sister: Natalie Portman I forget what she said exactly...probably something about being beautiful. Me: Catherine Zeta Jones besides being beautiful I like that she is not painfully stick thin, plus she was an awesome Welsh accent. Although he was not there to partake in the conversation, my other brother has a huge man-crush on Pierce Brosnan.

Hey, speaking of the gays, did you know that Wisconsin passed a marriage amendment stating:

"Only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in this state. A legal status identical or substantially similar to that of marriage for unmarried individuals shall not be valid or recognized in this state."

Phew...I am SO glad that traditional marriage has been saved. I just don't have time to explain gay marriage to some confused kids. Oh wait...you say that it is already illegal for the gays to marry? Hmmmm. Well, we all know, if I voted "no" that the gays would waste all their time and energy and money to take their case to the courts, waste some more time in appeals in the slight chance that it will be overturned. That would ruin my life, even though I don't know the individuals and they have no affect on my life. Just the thought that they are married would tear my family apart and cause a nuclear bomb to drop because we all know that the gays have ties with North Korea.

Also, if he let the gays marry, then there will be group marriage and people marry their dogs. Because they are all one and the same and people that advocate gay marriage have no morals and are all depraved sinners. Slippery slope people! Slippery slope! Don't question my illogical thinking because you will make baby Jesus cry.

Also, all of you live-in boyfriends who batter your girlfriends rejoice! Domestic violence laws will no longer apply to you.

Flipping someone off is not quite effective when wearing a mitten

Two things that are getting to me today:

1) My morning commute is starting to get to me. People cutting me off on the highway, when there is no room to cut me off, drives me up the wall! Usually, or so the rules of the road say, the far left lane is designated the "fast/pass" lane. Why do people insist on going 5 mph below the speed limit in this lane? In good weather? In daylight? Meanwhile people in the other lane are going the same speed or every so slightly more/less than that stupid car going 5 mph below the speed limit. There is nothing left for me to do but to stay behind the "fastest" car and make the "you're killing me" hand gestures.

2) I can't believe I am about to complain about this, because I am from Wisconsin and I should not be so much of a sissy wuss, but....IT'S COLD! In the morning, I wake up usually 30 minutes before my alarm clock goes off because I am cold. And then I hurry off to take a hot shower proceeded by a hurried attempt to get dressed and dry my hair. Seriously, my apartment does not know how to be warm, not even lukewarm.

Although, it is not so cold that I NEED to wear hats, scarves and mittens I wear my mittens while driving because the steering wheel is cold and it takes forever for my car to warm up.

On a side note...Why am I still wearing "mittens"? I should be wearing some chic gloves and be the sleek city girl that I am, what with....Oh, who am I kidding.

After work, as soon as I get into my apartment, I grab my fleece blanket and wrap myself with it and continue to wear it while I do my chores or watch TV. When its time for bed, I prepare my sheet, fleece, comforter (and sometimes extra comforter) cocoon that keeps me nice and toasty until I wake up 30 minutes before my alarm clock goes off because I am so dang cold (I should also note here, that when I wake up I also notice that I usually have kicked off two layers of my cocoon sometime in the night, so that might explain my being cold).

What makes me upset, is that I know it is only going to get worse, WAY WORSE.

Let's Get One Thing Clear

Just because I don't eat red meat, does not mean I am a vegetarian. I still eat chicken. Occasionally I will eat pork. And I am growing to like fish. I think this qualifies me as a carnivorous.

Also, the reason I don't eat red meat, has nothing to do with the "inhumane" way that cows are treated and slaughtered. Like I said, I eat chicken, and they are treated way worse than cows.

The truth is...I just don't like the taste of beef. I started to not eat beef, around my freshman year of college. I used the excuse of "mad cow disease" but in reality, I just didn't want to eat red meat anymore. I felt weird telling people that, so I thought a phobia to a disease that would waste my brain away sounded more convincing then to a sudden distaste for red meat. Don't question, it made sense in my head at the time.

Sucks for my family who before my decision to cut out red meat, was a beef loving family. Now, whenever I come home and eat dinner with my family, my parents have to cook something with chicken or make a smaller portion of the meal sans the beef. An example would be my mom's chili. This reminds me of a funny story:

So as I said, my mom started to change her cooking habits once I went non-beef (hee, every time I write that it looks like I am talking about turning into a lesbian). One weekend I went home and my mom decided to make chili and fry bread for dinner. She gave me my bowl and told me she made a separate batch for me. I started to eat when I realized there were little chunks of beef in it. I showed my mom and asked her if she was sure she didn't give me the wrong bowl. She said no an showed me the tiny pot she made for me and said she put the chili con carne in it and showed me the can she used. This is when I said, "Mom, 'con carne' means 'with meat.'" My mom's reaction was basically along the lines of, "D'oh."

If you're reading this mom, don't worry, I will share some of my airhead moments later.

Sometimes, other people's lives are amusing...

I heard two stories recently that I found cute and funny:

Number 1:

The characters: My sister and her husband.
The setting: Acapulco, on their honeymoon.
Quick back story: My sister always used to be able to stick her stomach out pretty far and used to do so (while saying "I'm pregnant!") to make people laugh. Also, my sister found out a few weeks before her wedding that she was pregnant (That's right bitches, I am going to be an Auntie and my sister is a sinner who does "it" before she is married, heh).
The story: My sister and her husband, while on vacation tried to speak Spanish, especially when necessary. I'm thinking this happened when they were alone in their hotel room, but my sister did her normal sticking out her stomach thing for her husband. He just looked at her and said, "MUCHAS PREGUNTAS!" My sister giggled and said, "You just said, 'Many Questions!'" I can't wait until she starts to really show. I am going to be saying that to her all the time.

Number 2 (heard while at a baby shower for a friend):

The characters: The host of the party (friend to my friend who is having the baby) and her now husband.
The setting: Unknown, but during the proposal.
Quick back story: They don't know much about wedding/engagement traditions.
The story: He said to her, "Megan, will you marry me?" She said, "Yeah!" He slipped the ring on her finger. Then he said, "Do me! Do me!," while holding out his left hand, ring finger extended. She said, "Ok! Shawn, will you marry me?" He said yes and she slipped on his ring. Few weeks later, a co-worker saw his ring and said, "You know YOU aren't suppose to wear the ring until AFTER the wedding, right?" And he said, "But she gets to wear her's!" Dude, that is the third guy this year I have heard that was super excited to wear the wedding ring. How adorable.

"I'm not going to marry and have kids." "Sure...Yeah...Mmmhmm."

People don't believe me when I say that not only do I not see myself getting married and having kids, but I don't want to either. I don't see the point. Perhaps it is the part of me that fears commitment. Just not a fan. I won't go into detail because my reasons are boring and 90% of people disagree with them.

But there is a small list of famous people that I would willingly give up my devotion to Old Maidhood. Here is my list I can think of right now:

Comedian Demetri Martin. He's funny. He's Greek. He's cute. He is sometimes all three at the same time.
Actor Adam Beach. He's handsome and he's Native. Finally I would do something my mom would approve. I just re-read that last sentence and found an entirely new funny meaning.
Actor George Clooney. Seems like the biggest douchebag and yet sometimes arrogance is hot. Sometimes, I loathe myself but then I remember, that other people love him too. Like the ladies at Go Fug Yourself.

My cousin Brandon (ringbearer) looks like he is ready to kick some ass. My cousin Emily (flower girl) is just being cute.












Here is a picture of my sister and our grandpa. He was looking quite snazzy. When my mom saw him she was all..."Ooooo, Johnny Cash!"

























I think someone did not listen to the Pastor's instructions to look at the bride and groom during the ceremony. Tsk tsk.











I have a giant and a hippie for brothers (middle and last one on right respectively).

Oh yes its ladies night, and the feeling right

Wednesday nights apparently are "Ladies Night" at a bar that is down the street from where I live. Girls get three tokens good for three Miller or Rail drinks (please tip your bartender). Since I am poor and love me some free anything (especially alcohol) I was all about going out on a weekday when my friend called me.

Upon entering the establishment we were approached by a very nice looking young man. I wasn't paying attention to what he was saying because I was on my phone with my sister but I heard him say something about getting free beer, making it a total of five free drinks. When I came back I was informed he was the Bud/Michelob guy giving away free beer. Bonus! Now I don't like Bud, but as I stated before, I like free stuff. Especially free stuff from cute boys. Hell, I will take a free beer from an not-so-cute boy and engage in a small discussion before I....Oh look there's my friend *hurried run*

Normally in situations like this, the beer guy/girl walks away to get to the next person but this guy stayed right with us. Even through awkward silences where all of us didn't know what to say. I (an another girl that was with me and my friend) noticed that the Beer Guy kept on eyeing up my friend. So I actually got embarrassed for her (cute guy staring at you and you being completely oblivious to it), because I am always embarrassed for other people in this situation. I don't know why. I just am.

He ended up talking with our group the entire time he was there before he moved on to another bar in the area. This is when everyone informed my friend about Beer Guy sneaking a peek at her. Her reaction was along the line of "WTF? No. Really? Why oh why am I such a loser in these situations?" So what did our group do? Instead of cashing in on our free tokens, we totally went to the bar that the Beer Guy was at (which he just so happened to casually mention he was going to) because we are stalkers.

He noticed immediately that we were there and proceeded to give us more free beer. But because she was playing a game of darts, my friend didn't chat him up. Later I was giving her some good and corny lines to use on him. "So, is it a requirement to be really good looking for his job?"..."So when do you find time for yourself (or date)?" But she was not having it. Oh well, but he did end up with her number, because some two girls may have approached him about a cojoneless friend they had that wanted to give him her number. Boy blushes and takes number.

I must say, in conclusion, how impressed I am with Milwaukee in providing their quality Beer/liquor promo guys. They are always really really redonkulously good looking men that are very friendly AND give you free booze. What can get better than that? In Madison, they always had girls. Boo! But I would still take the free beer.

Happy Indigenous Peoples Day

To some of you, today is Columbus Day. To those of us who chose not to celebrate an individual who:

A) Did not discover a land that was already inhabited by civilized groups of people and was already visited by other European people.
B) Was in charge of the genocide (both intentional by murder and "unintentional" by disease) of millions of Taino "Indians".
C) Just in general a bad example of a decent human being.

Instead celebrate a day of the survival and revitalization of Indigenous people in the face of years of oppression and discrimination.

A Bet I Lost

I went out Saturday night with my friends CM and Danielle. We started out at a bar called Bryant's, which I have always wanted to go to, but always ended up not being able to attend. Anyway that bar is cool, very laid back and had nice strong drinks.

Later on we went to this other bar because we thought we would run into some of Danielle's dental school friends, who we never ran into. This bar is the yuppiest bar that ever yuppied. I felt underdressed.

Anyway, it was here that Danielle told me that I was mean, or at least being mean that night. It is almost as if she had never gone out with me before. That is what I do. I set there with beer in hand while I make fun of everyone in eye sight (not to their face, because I am not that mean). A real world example of what I say:

"That dude is totally wearing a Cosby sweater."~~~This is mild in comparison to what I say.

Danielle made a bet with me that I could not go without saying something bad for 30 minutes. I was doing really good, partially because I was talking about how I wanted to go over and touch this one guys hair, because it was so pretty. He was rocking the hair that the guy from Heroes has. Mmmm, Professor Sex.

Then, a short man went walking past me (and if memory serves me, he was wearing a fug shirt too). I just let it slip. "That guy was tiny." I gave an "Oh shit!" face before CM told me she noticed him to but was going to wait for me to say something. I had to say 5 nice thing about people to pay Danielle back. Let me tell you, that is hard when you are in a bar full of douchebags.

Showing off my photoshopping skillzzzzzz

After/Before

Seriously, the armpit fat was kind of scaring me. So I fixed it. Am I good? Ok, ok. I tried. I also realized that the picture looks weird because it looks like my cousin is about to stick her hand down my cleavage. I don't know what she thinks she will find down there besides some tissue i stored incase my nose started to leak from the cold I was just about to get (and now have).

Wedding Day Stuff

So my sister's wedding went off beautifully. The night before, my mother rented out a suite in a hotel so that my sister, myself and three other bridesmaids could spend the night, and have a large enough space to get ready in the morning (there was no real bridal suite at the place of the ceremony...just a tiny tent). I had no idea we were staying at a hotel so I didn't pack my swim suit to go into the whirlpool, oh well. The suite had a king sized bed and a pull out couch. I shared the king bed with my sister and cousin (who is 8 and was the Jr. Bridesmaid and wasn't originally in the plans to spend the night, but she wanted to hang out with the big girls). Luckily the bed was big enough for us so we could all be comfortable without getting into each other's business. However, I woke up in the middle of the night to find my little cousin's arm partially wrapped around me. Apparently she usually sleeps in the same bed as her mom.

In the morning, we spent about 3 and a half hours getting hair and make up at the salon the groom's sister works at. Surprisingly, I didn't come out looking like a clown, much like I expected. We got back to the hotel to change. I had my mom help me into the corset and dress, which I fit into, much to my surprise. We didn't have much time to hang out because we had to make our way to the ceremony/reception area.

The weather was perfect (too sunny for the photographer, but who cares). I didn't cry, only time I felt like crying was from being nervous with so many people looking at me while I walked down the aisle. The flowergirl, even after I reminded her right before I left down the aisle, did not drop any flowers, except for one single petal right at the end.

The pastor made more religious references that I expected (or from what my sister said there would be ). But what do I expect from a man whose job it is to talk about God. I giggled a little when my sister started to weep while reciting her vows. Yes, I am an asshole.

I was also giggling because the flowergirl, who is also my cousin, kept on waving at people in the audience. Then she would turn and look at me and poke me in the legs and poke her sister (the Jr. Bridesmaid) in the back. One time a plane flew over, and she, in a some what loud voice, said to me, "A Plane!" She started to pick up petals that were blowing out of her basket during the ceremony, and last...right before she was walking back up the aisle, she took a header to the ground. In the process she dumped most of her petals. She stayed down for a few seconds, pondering whether or not to cry, when I helped her up and told her it was ok and to go quick. Overall, she almost stole the show. (Notice in the picture my armpit fat is folding over...yeah, did I mention I barely fit in that dress?)

The time between the ceremony and dinner was when the photographer took pictures of the bridal party, and the guest had a champagne hour. For the kids, my sister rented a cotton candy machine. Oh, but that didn't stop the adults from partaking in on the fun. It was very much my sister. One cousin on my dad's side, while eating his cotton candy, stated, "This is the best wedding ever!"

My maid of honor toast went well. I told the story about how my sister and the groom went to high school together but never interacted really, until they met again at a bar (heh) where she approached him (this is where my sister goes, "Nuh-uh, I was talking to random people and he just so happened to be there). Whatever. She liked what she saw, so she went ahead to go get it, and more power to her!

After toasts the ran a slideshow of pictures of the two of them (separately and together). They played some good songs while showing them, like "God Only Knows," by the Beach Boys...I love that song. There were some embarrassing pictures of my sister "modeling" as a pre-teen and there was one of me dressed up as an "Indian" as a kid....Boy, I don't know what I or my mom were thinking. The dinner itself was kind of meh to me. It might be that I didn't really eat a lot of it to care, but how could I eat when I felt like if I put anything into my body my dress would rip apart.

The rest of the night was filled with dancing, chatting, drinking (unfortunately, not by me) and more dancing, oh yeah and Crabby Reception Hall Owners who yell at Maid of Honors for trying to help clean up. Crabby old hag.

My sister and her hubby are now in Acapulco on their honeymoon and all I have left from the wedding are bruises left over from where my corset was rubbing against my love handles (or what I like to call "sex fat"). Good Times.

Wedding this Weekend...

My sister's wedding is this weekend. I am really looking forward to it. I checked the weather forcast, and it seemed like a miracle. The day before and after is forecasted for rain, but the day of it is suppose to be high in the 60's and sunny. Keeping my fingers crossed that it will happen. Still haven't planned out my maid of honor toast (shhh...don't tell anyone). But I think I know what I will do and say. Things I am expecting for the day:

Picture taking will be torturous.
I will be uncomfortable the whole night in my dress.
The biggest drunks at the reception will come from my (and the bride's) side of the family.
I won't dance, and if I do it will be with my little cousins (or when I have to, with the groomsmen).
Me to bomb on giving a funny and sentimental toast.
Catching up with some old friends (yay!)
Eating yummy cake.
Seeing my adorable little cousins all dressed up for the wedding.
Did I mention drunken relatives?

Good times to come.

For those who care

Yes, Heroes, was awesome. The pacing was a little odd, but I think that is due to the fact that the cast is so large and they aren't currently interacting with each other (although the pilot shows that they are all somehow connected, in some kind of Six Degrees kind of way). My opinion of some of the characters so far (giving almost all nicknames because I don't know their names well enough):

Hiro: Japanese guy who can stop/bend time and transport himself. He is your standard comic book geek who is super excited about his new abilities. I am liking him so far.
Cheerleader girl: She is unbreakable. Seems a little saddened by her abilities but at the same time curious to see how far she can push herself. Also revealed at the end that she may be adopted. Is one or both of her parents a Hero as well?
Stripper Mom: She has some kind of alter ego/dual personality, which she sees in the mirror. I am still not totally understanding what exactly her power is, but it is the most intriguing. She also has a genius son, who so far, doesn't appear to have any powers.
Politico guy's brother: Thought he could fly, but apparently could not. He is kind of annoying, in that ideal angst-y kind of way, but from the previews for future episodes it seems like he is still some how a central figure to the heroes. I have read on other forums that he may be an empath. I am hoping some kind of human cerebo (See X-Men).
Politico guy: He is the flyer. He is also an asshole, which isn't surprising since he is a politician.
Indian professor: Following up on his dad's research on human potential. I get the feeling that he is going to be a kind of Professor Xish figure on the show. Oh, and the actor who plays him is really nice to look at.
Drug addicted painter: Paints the future (while high?). I felt his character wasn't shown enough, but you get the feeling he is extremely tormented by his powers. If he doesn't need to be high to see the future, I am confused in wondering if he needs his painting abilities to see the future, or can he envision them on his own?
Drug addicted painter's girlfriend: I can do without her just because she is boring so far. Get a storyline please.
Cheerleader's Adoptive Dad: Seems to be chasing the heroes and people connected to them. Is he evil? So far I am saying yes. Does he know about his daughter's abilities? If not, what will he do when he finds out?

Kind of soap opera-y but I am still looking forward to future episodes.

Geekishly Excited

Ok, I am a dork. I am super excited for the season premiere of NBC's new shoe Heroes. Seeing the previews piqued my interest. I don't know if I have always been interested in sciencey-fiction/Superhero stuff or if my brother's interest in that stuff influenced my own interest. Although there are probably some hardcore "fanboys" and "fangirls" out there that would look at this show as a rip-off or riding the X-men/Superman/Spiderman "craze." This is just something else to showoff their superhero knowledge superiority (think of them as music snobs, but replace the music with superhero stuff). Luckily, I am not one of those people. I will fully admit that my knowledge of this stuff is limited, to say the least.

What I like most is the origin stories of superheroes. How did they get their power? What happened when they discovered it? What pulled them into the good/evil side?

In college I took a literature course that was only on graphic novels. We talked a lot about heroes and anti-heroes and the human condition. I am not being facetious in saying that it was fascinating. It really was and it stays one of my favorite courses in college. The professor did a really good job at converting a lecture full of over 100 students, into comicbook/graphic novel nerds.

Anyway, I will be watching the show tonight. To close, I will share what my super human power would be:

I am going to be unoriginal and say---Mind Control (ala-Jean Grey/Phoenix on X-Men)

Holy Crap! It's Fall.

This blog would be confusing to those who never lived in a climate where there are 4 distinct seasons. Wisconsin is one of those climate. Fall is nothing like summer, summer is nothing like spring etc. As much as I complain about the cold winters and the hot and humid summers, I enjoy this type of climate. You get to experience of both worlds. The only thing that sucks about it is the unpredictable-ness of it all. The temperature and weather can really turn suddenly and drastically.

One of the great things about the seasonal changes is how it sneaks up on you. For example, I suddenly realized the sudden change to fall this past weekend. Perhaps it was because it was raining for a week straight before it, that I did not notice the leaves starting to change color and fall of the trees, or the crisp-coolness of the air starting to settle in. I think fall is my second favorite season, following summer.

Whenever I think of Wisconsin seasons this is what I think of:

Spring in Wisconsin: Rain, rain and more rain. Not even the pleasant warm rain. No, I am talking the cold, and humid rain. The type where you develop a cold immediately if you even stand in it for 2 minutes. And it never really feels sunny. It almost always feel grey. I don't know why, but when I think of spring, I think of depression which is weird since spring is almost always thought of as a rebirth and sunny.

Summer: Short, but hot and humid. It's surprising that a state that is relatively far north can get this sweltering during the summer months, but it does. I know that it isn't right to complain considering some states deal with summer heat hitting well over 100, but if people from warm states can complain about 40 degree weather (and bundle up like it is freezing) then I have the right to complain about mid-80 to upper 90 degree weather.

Fall: Usually dry, cool and crisp, and I think of as sunny (especially early fall). Wisconsin has some of the prettiest colors to when you go out to the wooded areas for hikes.

Winter: Snow can sometimes start falling before Thanksgiving, but doesn't get into continual falling until January. Lately the winters have been mild but I remember when there would be heavy snow storms with strong wind drifts and feeling like the snow banks were as tall as my dad (6 feet). Of course everything is exaggerated as a kid, but I can tell that the snow hasn't been that big since then.

In summary I like having 4 seasons.

And for a little change...A Hate Filled Blog

Do you know what I hate most in the world? A top 10

1. Headaches that won't go away. The kind that have no apparent cause. Any type of pain reliever doesn't get rid of it. The kind that feel like someone is constantly hitting you in one spot in your head. The kind that makes you sensitive to light. No, I don't think it is a migraine because it isn't debilitating.

2. Loud talker and/or laughers. People with annoying laughs are added into this. I can't stand it. Oh, I would be added into this as well. I never thought much about my laugh, but once a friend told me my laugh was funny and weird. And then later another friend told me that my laugh annoyed him, but then he grew to like it. So now I know that when someone says that your laugh is unique or cute that what they really are saying is that they want to throw a brick at your head to make you stop.

3. Idiots that use parking/turning lanes to go straight through an intersection. If it were a perfect world I could ram my car into their car without hurting anyone and not causing any damage to MY car.

4. People who pity me because I am not in a relationship and because I say I don't want to get married and have kids (even if I found a man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with). Beside some benefits laws give (SAME-SEX) marriages, I don't see the point. Promising someone eternity is just the same thing, minus a wedding ceremony and reception.

And just because I don't want to get married and have kids does not mean that I look down on people that do and devote their life to that process. I believe people should be able to live their life they way that they want to.

5. The fact that tight pants and tights are now back in fashion. The fashion world really hates me huh? Well at least I can look back at pictures of myself (as I am at this point in time) 10 years from now and not be embarrassed by the way I look. T-shirts and jeans never look weird. I made all my fashion fau-paux (SP?) when I was in elementary school, and that was all my mom's doing. Yes mom, it was all your fault. Shame (wiggles finger in her direction).

6. A certain somebody that is my mortal enemy, and I don't even think that individual is aware of it. I imagine if we were superheroes, I would be the good guy with a dark edge and my mortal enemy would be the "good guy" exterior with truly evil and vile motives.

7. Ann Coulter- 'nuff said

8. Styro-foam - the sound of it rubbing grates my last nerve

9. Exercising. Whatever fool said that exercising "energizes" you and that you will get over that period of loathing working out is just dead wrong. I have been regularly working out for almost 4 months now and I still dread it. But I am doing it nonetheless.

Also, you know how some people say that because of the release of endorphins while exercising you are more likely to be attracted to someone (ex. Running in a park I may pass I guy and want to jump him, both figuratively and literally, when normally I would think that guy is average to fugly). I don't thing this works for me. Instead of wanting to jump people's bones, I want to punch. For example, when the sweaty and stinky guy decides to use the machine next to me, I start to work out faster to prevent me from punching that man in the face when normally I would not even notice nor care.

10. The person that broke off my atennea from my car. Thanks to that douchebag I can only get three radio stations to come in.

Ok, my rant is over.

Bachelorette Party/Bachelor Party

So this went better than I had planned. But then again, I planned disaster beyond monstrous proportions. Here are some highlights.

-Upon driving toward the campsite the people I was driving with noticed a "gentleman's Club" called Crusin' Chubbies. We giggled because we have the maturity level of 12 year olds.

-Once we got our campsite set up, we sat around the campfire trying to warm up, because it was rather chilly.

-We went out to eat at Marley's in Wisconsin Dells. There we ran into around 4 other bachelorette parties that were out to eat. The food was Caribbean style and too spicy for my weak Midwest stomach.

-Rianna told me not to worry about the amount of bars, because there would be plenty for us to go to on the main drag in the Dells. Well, there was two. Both of which were crowded with groups of girls out for bachelorette parties. The few guys that were out, of course, loved this. Many of them were willing to play along with our game, which essentially was making fun of them.

-In order for me to gain a point in the game, I had to ask a random guy to guess my bra size. The guy I asked appeared to be reaching in for a grab. I let out a little scream and ran away before he touched me. He worked at a laser tag place, so you could probably only imagine the scariness.

-Rianna making fun of some "hipster" guy with tight pants, black framed glasses, huge arm tattoo and tiny faux-hawk. She asked him if he was in a band (part of game) when he asked why, she said, "When I went to college the guys that looked like you, usually were ."

-Going back to Marley's (which is converted into a dance club at night) and Rianna joining a dance contest with other bachelorettes. She won and received a 25 dollar bar tab. I think one of the reasons she won was because she was giving away her Blow-Pops from her Blow-Pop bouquet for free while dancing and the crowd was liking it.

-The bachelor party got pulled over for speeding (there was seven people in the 5 person car) and they got away with a warning.

-CM was talking to people!

-There was a guy at the club that made my 6'4" friend look tiny. I looked at him and said, "Whoa," and he laughed at me.

-First time I was at the bars with my brother who just recently turned 21 (come on now, we are good kids that never used fake IDs).

-I got to sleep on the queen size air mattress with one of my friends while my other friend slept on a separate twin sized air mattress (yay for the spoiled camping experience). The one who was alone got cold and said the next morning that she wanted to curl up between us for body heat...like a kitty. But she didn't.

-It was raining in the morning, but luckily it wasn't raining the entire night.

Where were you?

5 years ago today two planes flew into the World Trade Center, one into the Pentagon and one crashed in Pennsylvania (it was headed to D.C. with the Capitol as its target). Today many forms of media are doing different tributes and memorials to remember the day. On the radio they had listeners call in and tell the story of where they were and how they found out. Here is mine:

It was my freshman year at UW-Madison. I got up as usual and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. My roommate was already up and changed, watching television while lounging in her bed. I returned back from the shower in my street clothes, towel wrapped around my head, carrying my little shower caddy. As I opened up my door, I saw my roommate out of bed, standing by her desk, on the phone with her brother. In her other hand she had the remote control. She had just changed the channel to CNN. She then looked at me all puzzled and said, "A plane just flew into the World Trade Center."

My reaction, although to some may seem harsh, is very characteristic to me. I immediately thought, "What kind of dumbass pilot flies right into a building?" I didn't think at all of a terrorist attack. Because I thought it was some fluke accident, I quickly combed my hair, grabbed my things and went to my Math 221 discussion.

After my class I came back to my dorm. First I went to the cafeteria to grab my lunch. Everyone in the cafeteria was talking about the planes but not going into detail. I got confused about the plural use of the word. With my food, I went to my room, my roommate was gone to class. I turned on the television and got the news. By this time not only did I find out that another plane flew into the other building, but that they had both collapsed and that another plane flew into the Pentagon.

I didn't go to any other classes for the day. I just stayed in my room watching the news in utter shock and feeling guilty about how fast I brushed off the initial news.

I guess that this event is similar to the JFK assassination. Everyone asks you where you were when you heard the news, and you remember.

Remember how I said I had no work friends?

A few months ago I talked about how no one at my office liked me. The friends I did have were the maintenance guys. Well not much has changed. But I do have yet another example of how they see me as their little buddy.

One of them was heading out to the gas station to get everyone coffee/donuts/some kind of snack. He stopped at my door and asked me what I wanted. I politely said I didn't want anything. He asked again. I said I had no money. He asked again. I said, "No really its ok." He asked again. I said, "Fine. I will take a can of soda...Pepsi or Coke is fine."

He came back with the can of soda and a little thing of Goldfish Crackers, because he noticed a few months ago I was snacking on them in my office. Aw, how nice.

Hot Cops.

Yesterday at work. There I am. Happily type, type, typing away at my computer. Next thing I know I see one police officer walk by my window. 5 minutes later, I see another one pass by. Minutes later, I see a group walk by. 20 minutes later I see them standing on a balcony in an apartment building across the way.

Not too long after that I see police officers walking past my window again, this time with sniper-looking rifles. I continue staring out the window thinking, "Ok, this is interesting." I get up and go ask my co-workers, "What the Hell is going on?" They look out the window and go, "Oh, will you look at that. Hmm, don't know. Oh, the cute one is here. Heeeey." I accepted the answer and walked away. I still don't know what happened.

Maid of Honor: Why I Will Never Agree to This Crap Again

If I haven't stated it before, my sister is only 11 months older than me. She is just barely older than me, but older than me nonetheless. Growing up, she never let me or my younger brothers forget it. She was in charge. It was her way or... Well there is no end to that statement because there was no question or argument against it.

During our childhood we were close. All the kids were close. It didn't hurt that the four of us were about four years apart. But then, ah, sweet puberty hit. With it came hormones and mood swings. Looking back at it, I think I was the most effected by it. My mom said that I would walk around with a constant rainstorm over my head. I will admit I did, it had more to do with me hating middle school than anything else. For some reason, I think this effected the closeness that my sister and I had. We were still close, just not as close as we once were. We had our own friends and spent time with them alone. Once my sister went off to college, and I followed suit the next year, we became BFF once again.

Her and her fiance announced their engagement this past Christmas and soon afterward she told me I was the Maid of Honor (not that she had much choice in the matter because if she chose anyone besides me my mom would probably cause some sort of damage). My sister reassured me that she would chose me either way.

So last Christmas. That gives them 10 months about to plan and save up for their wedding. Doesn't give me a ton of time to find a job that pays well so I can throw a good shower and bachelorette party. Money and creativity are two necessities in throwing a god shower and party for my sister. I possess neither.

This goes back to my initial paragraph, of my sister being the typical oldest sibling. She wants things her way. Heaven forbid it not go her way. When I first started to send out the invitations for the shower, I told my sister what I was doing. Including note cards so the guests could write down their favorite recipes on them. When Rianna found out that I wasn't decorating them, she got upset with me. She was upset about the note cards? Oh boy, was she going to be upset about the entire shower.

The weeks/days proceeding the shower, she would call me and ask me how I was doing with the planning. I would tell her what I had planned/still had to do and as I would get off the phone with her, I could just hear the disappointment in her voice.

Needless to say I was a nervous wreck for the few days before and during the shower. You know it is bad when your parents are nervous for you as well (I caught my mom the night before re-doing the gift card collection box I made because she said Rianna would complain).

Luckily, it went off well. A lot of guests showed up (without RSVPing of course). There was a lot of food. Decorations were sparse but did the job. Games went well. The party favors were good, but you got the feeling that people were unimpressed with them (people left them there and/or threw them away). They should have just pitied a poor girl and throw it away at home!

Most important of all. No complaining by the bride. Yippee. Well, at least no complaining to my face.

Surfers are Leather-y and Cool

This weekend I went back home to Sheboygan to host my sister's wedding shower. I was looking forward to spending a nice long Labor Day weekend with everyone. I had no idea that this weekend in Sheboygan was also, Dairyland Surf Classic.

I didn't find out that this was happening until during the shower, when guests were talking about driving past the lake and watching people stand by their cars staring at the waveless lake. Heh, suckers. Apparently there was not enough wind.

I know that Sheboygan is considered a great surf location for lakes in the United States, but my entire 18 years of living there, I have never seen A person surf on the lake. I have seen pretty large waves that individuals could surf on, if they wanted to, but no takers. I never went to competitions either, because they were never advertised well around our city.

Anyway, after the shower, my sister and I went to our mutual friend's bachelorette party. The party consisted of we-girls, bar hopping with the bride, who was wearing a "Suck for a Buck" shirt (candies double-sided taped on a shirt that anyone could take off for a dollar using their teeth). One bar we went to must have been a meeting place for all the surfers. They had bluegrass and swing bands playing and a lot of the surfer people were really friendly, talking to the bride-to-be and giving marriage advice and dollars (sometimes not even taking the candy). I couldn't help but be a little grossed out by their leather-like skin. Overly tan people creep me out.

Best quote of the night:

One of the party goers (and high school friend of my sister and bride-to-be): "Rianna, I touched your sister's boooooooooooooooooooobies."

Rianna: "Heh....What?"

Wow. Is it really that important?

Pluto is a planet, goddammit!

Or at least, some believe it should be.

Today in Yahoo news...

Pluto is not a planet.


So, now when I ask kids to name all the planets in our solar system, and they name Pluto, I can shout, "No! You're wrong! Stupidhead."

Speaking of being mean to children. I have been having these bizarre dreams involving me taking care of children and being horrible at it. Here are two dreams I remember:

1. I gained custody of my little cousin's baby (who will be 10 months in about a week). I made no preparations like getting a crib, car seat, clothes, formula, child care, healthcare etc etc. While I was at work, I would leave her in my apartment alone. I would not give her baths and not change her diapers enough and I (as a character in my dream) was totally ok with this. Looking at her, she looked kind of like that freaky baby climbing on the ceiling during Trainspotting. I woke up feeling really guilty.

2. For some reason, I was a pre-k teacher. Some kids were in the corner and one kid did something that upset me (looking back at it, I think the actually incident was minor but hey, it was a dream so everything is exaggerated). I grab the kid by the collar of his shirt and proceed to carry him, still hanging by the collar, to the principals office (imagine a mother cap carrying her kittens to her nesting area). Right before we entered the office, I was shouting at the child while shaking them hard. Once again, woke up feeling guilty.

I want to make a note here for strangers who will be reading this. Those above two examples are just dreams. I would never, in anyway, harm or neglect children. That is why I am so troubled by these dreams. I have no idea how to interpret those dreams.

Proving That I am Not So Dumb After All

Last week sometime, I went in for my second interview for this position I have been trying (and wanting) to get since May. Unfortunately two of the four people who were "interviewing" me, were not my biggest fans, to say the least. I went into the whole process knowing that it was no use because there was no way even if I was qualified (which I more than was) and showed commitment (Hell, I was trying to apply knowing they didn't like me, and them knowing that I shared the same feelings...That is commitment to the program) that they still would not hire me.

Part of me thinks that they think I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer (sometimes I think the same thing). First they let me know that they already filled two positions. Filling positions before all the applicants have been interviewed? Hmm, doesn't seem like good hiring practice to me. Second, one of the two applicants I consider my friend (well both actually are my friends, but one I speak to on a more regular basis) and I know that they only had one interview at the most. Do they not know that we would be talking to each other about our interviews? Duh. Third, they repeatedly told me during the interview, while I was giving my answers about my expectations for the coming year, that I had to put the past year, along with mistakes that the leadership (them) had made, behind us. Funny enough I am 99% certain the only reason I was not hired was because a letter they read, in which I expressed my disappoint in the leadership. Well, I guess they are allowed to take certain things from the past year into consideration, but I am not.

And the icing on the cake that proves just how much of a dumbass they think I am. I walked up to the office about to open the door and realized it was locked. I knocked. Waited for half a minute. Knocked some more, looking into the window seeing heads that were not responded to my knocks. Waited another minute and knocked some more. Finally one of the interviewees came over looking at me through the window like I should know better. She stood there and said, "Try again." While still looking at her, I tried the handle again. She finally opened the door, and proceeded to show me how to open a door. Not until she tried turning the handle did she notice that it was indeed locked. She looked at the door with amazement, and said, "The door handle didn't go down like this." I looked at her and said, "...um no. [whispered because I didn't really want them to hear since there was still a slight chance of getting hired] It was locked."

I is smart because I know how to open a door. I am going to start making "I *heart* Holland" buttons for them to wear, because obviously they think highly of me and hope to be me when they grow up.

Yet Another Swimming and Old Man Story

Swimming at the YMCA: Sunday afternoon.

I was a little pumped at first, because I was the only one in the large pool. I didn't have to have awkward conversations with the old men swimming next to me or to look sad and slow next to the young high school students that are training for their school swim team's season. But of course, this doesn't last too long.

After I finished with my first 500 meters (20 laps of a standard sized pool), I took a breather. I saw that their was an older man in the next lane to me, who wasn't so much swimming, as he was floating and letting the current of the swimmers in the other lanes carry him a long. He stopped at my end of the pool and starting talking to me. The conversation went something like this:

Old Man: Hello
Me: Hi
Old Man: You were swimming pretty fast there
Me: Hmm, that wasn't too fast for me. Well, at least it used to be not that fast, I've gotten a little out of shape.
Old Man: [Something about being old and being slower all together]
Me: [Gives him a weird look, but a little covered up for the sake of politeness.]
Old Man: Where do you get glasses?
Me: Excuse me?
Old Man: Those glasses on your head.
Me: Oh, goggles?
Old Man: Yeah, those things.
Me: Well, you can get them just about anywhere. You can get a really good pair at a sporting goods store.
Old Man: [giving me a weird look]
Me: Or, I guess you can get them at Wal-Mart of something. [inside going *blech*]
Old Man: [getting all cheery and happy] Yeah. The low price leader!
Me: Eh, yeah.
Old Man: Thanks. No really. Thanks a lot.
Me: [can't hold in my weird'ed out look any longer, so I put on my "glasses"] Yep, no problem. [swim off to do another 20 laps].

One thing I hate about working out and being competitive by nature, is that I always feel the need to outdo or at least keep up with whoever is next to me. And because I am so out of shape, this usually makes me dead tired by the end of the workout session.

Bonding with the Middle Age Men at the YMCA Pool

I was thinking recently, about how fit I was in high school, all thanks to swim team. Because I would like to get fit again (hopefully not to the full extent of my high school days when I had a triangle shaped body with huge shoulders) I decided to start swimming laps at the Y.

I started this Saturday early afternoon, thinking the pool would be pretty empty (which it relatively was). There was some teenage guy in the right lane and some middle aged man to my left. I started of swimming slowly, stopping every 100 meters, switching up the swimming strokes every once in a while.

Instead of stopping every time I reached the end of the pool, I did flip turns (just as if I was still in swim team - in fact, if I remember correctly, we got in trouble if we didn't do flip turns when we were suppose to). While I was stopping to catch my breath after a set, the older guy to my left started to talk to me and the guy to my right about the benefits of swimming. After a five minute chat, we went along our merry way once again. When I stopped again, same older guy stopped as well and started to ask me about how one does the flip-turn doing a back stroke. I told him, and he started in on how it was done when he was in high school. I just politely chatted back, smiled, put my goggles on and continued to swim.

After I was done, my muscles were really sore, so I decided to hit up the hot tub/whirlpool. Once I got into the area, I noticed that there was already two older guys sitting in there. So instead of turning around and looking like an ass (after they already noticed that I wanted to use the pool too) I just waded in and sat down, minding my own business. Once again, the strangers start talking to me again, talking about how it is nice to relax your muscles after working out and blah, blah, blah. I give a uh-huh and stare off in front of me. One minute later I get up and walk away.

Two things strangers need to know about me:
1. Don't disturb me when I am clearly doing a task, such as exercising.
2. If you don't know me, best bet will be not to talk to me at all. I am kind of cold and stand-offish because I am awkward and not really a fan of people in general. Thank you.

Learning to be friendly is an on-going process. I am working on it. It is hard.

Watch This Movie!!!

Little Miss Sunshine (short description: dysfunctional family takes a road trip to the youngest family member's Beauty Pageant. Starring: Steve Carrell, Toni Collette, Greg Kinnear, Alan Arkin, that little girl from Signs, and that boy from that Lifetime movie about being a teenage dad).

I went to see a special screening last night with two friends. I saw a trailer for it earlier in the summer when I went to see, Thank You For Smoking (also great movie), and I thought it looked funny. Imagine how pumped I was when about two weeks ago I saw that they were having a free screening of it in Milwaukee. I signed myself up for two tickets right away.

I have only been to one screening before and that was for Pixar's Cars (I guess it was ok, for a kid's movie). Anyway. There seemed to be a lot of security. They checked our phones, patted some people down to make sure there were no recording devices. And then they told us to stay afterward to give our opinion on the movie.

The movie was inappropriately funny and oddly touching . The pacing was good. It would probably be slow to some (with a rather gloomy beginning) but it becomes much quicker and almost joyous towards the end. Oh, and don't bring the kids.

It's in limited release, but I have heard rumors it will be released nation-wide.

My new favorite show EVER: ABC's Medical Mysteries

Ok. So back in the day, when I had digital cable, I would watch a fair amount of Discovery Health Channel, to watch all the specials about "weird" medical illnesses, diseases, syndromes etc. Now ABC has come out with a show that can replace my beloved DHC. That show is Primetime: Medical Mysteries.

Some of the mysteries included so far:

Progeria: I already watched a program on DHC about this. It is really sad. Children with aging bodies.
Morgellons: A disputed disease. Fibers grow out of skin. Lesions grow. Damage to central nervous system.
Body Integrity Identity Disorder: People diagnosed with this have an a strong desire to amputate their limbs. When they think about how their bodies should be, they think of not having legs, arms, hands or some weird combination of that. Some people will actually go as far as to find ways to damage their bodies so amputation is necessary.
Foreign Accent Syndrome: People experience a stroke (or some sort of brain damage) and afterward speak with some type of foreign accent.
trimethylaMinuria: causes individuals to smell like dead fish.
Porphyria: a genetic disorder in which there is sensitivity to the sunlight (UV rays) and turns bones and urine red, and teeth purple.

and Many more. I will be watching this weekly, if I am home.

Kobayashi 1 - Johnsonville 0, aka Those Brats were Gone, Daddy, Gone

Ah, Sheboygan. Home of Brat Days. An entire weekend celebrating the bratwurst. There are parades, bands, carnival rides and brat eating contests. I am proud to call this my hometown. Born and raised.

This year the world champion hot dog eater, Kobayashi, came to participate in the brat eating contest. Sheboygan was very excited about this. ESPN was covering it. Wooooo. Ok, not really a big deal or at least I didn't think it was. My family watched it on television, instead of attempting to go down to the festival grounds (it was early in the day and we didn't feel like attempting to find parking and standing in a huge crowd).

Let's just say, watching it, made me hate bratwurst even more. Grossest thing I have ever seen on television. One participant was shaking while downing them. For 8,000 dollars Kobayashi ate 58 brats in 10 minutes (no buns included).

That last statement probably doesn't make sense to anyone that doesn't live in the US-Midwest area. You see...Here in Wisconsin, we eat our bratwurst with buns. Like a hot dog. I thought everyone did this, but when I met someone from the south, I found out otherwise.

This year's Brat Days featured performer was Violent Femmes. When I first got to my mom's house, I was sitting down with her in the living room. She was talking about how she didn't really want to go to Brat Days because there were no good bands playing this year. I asked who was playing and she said, "The Violent Femmes." And then I was all like, "THE VIOLENT FEMMES?!?!" Well, ok, I wasn't all that dramatic, but I thought it was funny that my mom said there were no good bands, and I think that is one of the only bands that would actually make me want to go down to Brat Days instead of avoid it like the plague.

Anyway, the fact that they were playing at Brat Days, makes me feel older. When I was younger, the performers were bands I didn't know that were popular because of one song that played on the radio when my parents were teenagers (at the latest). Now they have bands/performers that were popular when I was listening to music. Hmm, oh well. The Femmes were awesome however. It was funny to see the crowd react to their songs. They gave a polite applause after each song. When they finally played "Blister in the Sun" that is when the crowd went wild. Sheboygan is not too hip with the music, so they don't know many other songs by The Violent Femmes.

Little Pictures Have Big Ears

I went back to my hometown this weekend. While at home, my mom told me a story about my little cousin saying something funny in front of strangers regarding another family member of ours. My mom went on to say that my cousin reminder her of me when I was little. I was not afraid to say what was on my mind in front of family and friends of my parents. For example, I told one of my parents friends that her hair was "snarly." Luckily for me, she thought I said her hair was gnarly, so she just thanked me.

My mom also told me about a funny story about a trip I took to the grocery store with my dad when I was about two years old. My dad was pushing around the cart, with me sitting in the front seat, when I let out a burp. There was an older woman in the same aisle, so to show that my dad was raising a polite girl, he asked me, "What do you say?" and I replied, "Better out than in." I learned that from my dad who would occasionally say that when he let out burps or farts. I was a bright child who picked up things fast, awhile embarrassing my parents with my social skills.

I think I told the story already somewhere in this blog, but I don't care.

Rent-a-Baby

Yesterday, I finally used my YMCA membership to actually swim. And not that recreational splash around type of swimming. No I did the laps type of swimming. Doing this made me realize how out of shape I am. I did 50 meters (two laps of the pool) and I stopped to catch my breath. Dang. While on my high school swim team I would do 60 laps (1500 meters) for a warm-up.

Anyway. I was swimming in the same lane as CM and JR. While we were taking our extended breaks at the end of the pools we were watching the swim lessons going down in the lane next to us. The kids were around 2-3 years old and so adorable. It was funny to see the range of fearlessness the kids had. Some kids were charging right into the pool. Other kids were grasping for their lives onto the swim instructor (even though they had a floaty-thing strapped on their backs and a noodle to hang onto).

Watching these kids made me want a kid of my own to teach how to swim. In fact, I want to have a kid that I can play with and have an excuse to go to places like Chuckee Cheeses or children's Museums. Those places are awesome. Why can't adults go? I'm just a kid at heart. My mom tells me that I am really good with my little cousins (who range from the ages of 2-8 years old) because instead of interacting with the other adults I will play games with the little kids at family functions. What she doesn't know is that I really like to play those games and I am just happy to have someone I can be goofy with.

Just because I like children does not mean that I want to birth or raise a child. I just want one for a few hours so I can play with it. CM and I have talked about starting a Rent a Baby business before. It would almost be like day care. Parents who work would bring in their kids. Then people that would want to rent them would come in. It would work like foster care (or how foster care should work) in that we would do extensive background checks to make sure we don't have any meany mcmean people coming in to rent babies.

I would probably be one of those people that would not be allowed to rent a baby because, for example, if I were to rent a baby/child to teach how to swim I would probably end up tossing the kid into the pool saying, "This is how you learn how to swim kid!" Don't worry, I would make sure that they had on some kind of flotation device. Another example, with my sister's friend's 5 year old daughter: During the 4th of July parade I got her to start chanting (to the Republican State Senator as he passed by with re-election campaign literature), "We say no. No to Joe." I also like to tell kids things I know that are not true, just to see if they believe me. Yeah, kids don't fully grasp sarcasm and it is not good to use it with them.

JR, CM and I need to find a way to combine Captain Oily's and this Rent-a-Baby business.

Games Which I Get Sucked Into

Sometimes you need to headbutt. Zidane is a badass.

Taylor Hicks likes to dance like a fool.

Models like to eat too.

My Dream Last Night

So last night, I had a dream with Sarah Jessica Parker. In my dream, Sarah was my friend. She was still, famous actress on the television show Sex and the City, but for some reason I ended up being her BFF. Anyway, we were having this conversation about her being on "Hot" lists or "Sexiest" lists or even "Most Beautiful" lists. Then she was going on about why she was on those types of lists. The reason she gave me, was that her look was so unique and yet she was still elegant, graceful and sophisticated looking. Also, because she had a killer sense of style. My only response to her, in the dream, was "Um yeah. I still don't get it." Dang, I'm a bitch in my dreams too.

All Grown Up~~~Worst Blog Ever

I was taking a shower earlier, and as I was shaving my legs I thought about the very first time I did that. It is one of those passages in a girl's life. A big step that makes you feel like you are that much closer to womanhood. That first time shaving your legs...It's actually fun. As you get older, you realize what a pain in the ass it is. Waxing is not much of an alternative since it hurts like a mother. Laser treatments are expensive and not that useful. I could not shave my legs at all (hey, everyone already thinks I am a hippie), but I like the way my legs feel when I rub them together right after I shave.

Anyway, back to my first time shaving my legs. I remember I wanted to do it badly. My sister is only 11 months older than me, so not surprisingly, when she would reach a "milestone" I would want the same thing to happen to me as well. I asked my mom if I could. I don't remember if she protested much but I got my way.

If I remember right, the first shaving took place on top of my kitchen table. I don't know why that happened either. Maybe my mom wanted to make sure I was doing it right and I wouldn't slaughter my legs. Maybe I wanted to be on display for everyone to see me being an adult. I didn't get any nicks or cuts. I was a pro!

Isn't it weird how these type of memories just suddenly hit you and then you kind of stew on it for awhile?

I won't share anymore memories of my first steps into womanhood because...That's just gross.

My local Fox news affliate is moral and going to heaven

Here is why:

1). News story about why teenage girls dress too provocatively (I roll my eyes at what they think is provocative). How this leads to sexual behavior (I'm sure it has nothing to do with hormones mixed with curiousity and a dash of having no sexual education from teachers or parents). Anchor talks about how that type of dress distracts the teenage boys from learning. Um, ok. Yeah, those little girls..they are slutty and just asking for it. If I could, I would insert an icon that has rolling eyes.

2). Beyonce's new video (featuring current boyfriend Jay Z) is under fire for being too sexual. Haven't seen the entire video myself but the little snippet they showed looked harmless. I mean, I didn't see any dry humping. You can see much worse with people in other videos who are not couples in real life. These videos can usually be seen on BET late, late at night (from what I hear).

Is this story even worth airing? Oh wait, slow news night. They are also airing a story about a wax figurine being made in the likness of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. I hate the world we live in that this crap is newsworthy. (Please ignore the fact that I am even writing about it.)

3). Christina Aguilara's new album is going to be softer. Then the anchor says "This coming from someone who had a song called Dirrrty onan album called Stripped." Oh, X-Tina is soooooooo scandelous.

Some More Boy Band News.

Lance Bass of N'Sync is Gay. Gay, gay, gay. Apparently he is dating Reichen of "Reichen and Chip" on Amazing Race. I always thought that guy was cute. Nice catch Lance.

I don't know why this news is current. I remember finding out, well kind of finding out, while watching Kathy Griffen's "My Life on the D-list," or whatever that god-awful show is called. She was hanging out at her new house and invited her friends over. She was talking about how they were all gay. Then they showed her friends with a caption that read "Gay friends" and I sat there thinking, "That one dude looks like that guy from N'Sync." Yep, it was Lance. Even then, it didn't SHOCK me that he was gay. Not that I sat there trying to figure out who was gay in his band. I just genuinely didn't care to think about any of their sex lives, because I just didn't care.

Even though I didn't and still don't (I swear!) care, I love me some celebrity "gossip." I remember reading somewhere, once upon a time, that Lance dated that girl from"Boy Meets World." So I imdb-ed it and this is what it states currently:

"She use to date Lance Bass from *N Sync, but the constant time apart led to their break up. They are reportedly still friends."

That, and the fact that he liked men just like her. Well, here's to hoping that men can be openly gay while in boy bands and not have to cover it up to make sure that it does't "hurt" the band.

Oh, and I also hope Lance knows he is going to hell.

Visit These Websites!

www.wordorigins.org - While having a discussion with friends, the phrase "Indian Giver" came up. There was some confusion on why the statement was offensive and who it was referring to in particular. Myself, I never really understand the phrase either (Hey, I never said I was smart). So, I did what I always do: I googled it. By typing in the phrase "Indian Giver Origin" the first search result leads you to this site. Once I got my explanation of where the phrase came from (if your wondering...look it up yourself) I kept on perusing the site. I find etymology really fascinating. I know, I am a nerd. But I also like this site because it goes into folklore, false rumors and admits when it doesn't know.

My Cat Hates You - Funny site that shows the true evil side that lurks in all kitties. Here is what the site states in its "About" section:

"But there is another side to Cat, is there not? A side that harbors deep-seated, almost primal, resentment toward us and our gangly, pseudo-intelligent, simian ways. And what creature wouldn't? If someone treated YOU the way we treat THEM, you would hate too. The premise behind this site is just that; your cat, though soft, cuddly and sweet, could really do without the likes of you, and me."

I find this site funny for two reasons:

1. 75% of my cat-owning friends love to talk about how badass their cats are and/or how their cats hate everything.
2. I too hate people, so I can relate to the statements included with each hateful photo.

Here is an example and here is another good one.

---Do sudoku online! I have been wasting a lot of time online doing this.

--Has anyone seen the promotions for the new show on NBC called Heroes? I went to the official site and watched the trailers and read a little bit about the storyline, and it seems interesting. I think it is a show I could really get into but not tell anyone because I would be too embarrassed to admit that I like it.

Plus it has that little girl from Remember the Titans, who I thought was soooooooo adorable. I am surprised to see that she turned into a pretty teenager. She is at the age where formerly cute child stars turn into awkward to ugly looking washed-out has-beens. Oh, I am pretty sure that she is hiding more than one addiction as happens to almost all child stars, (Stephanie Tanner anyone?) but at least she is working and doesn't looked cracked/methed out.

Ok, I got nothing else.