Security in One's Sexuality

Did I ever mention that my family gets into really weird conversations when we are gathered together? One of the conversations we just recently had was about TV/Movie boyfriends/girlfriends. You know what I am talking about...Like how Benicio del Toro is my movie boyfriend...he just doesn't know it. This some how lead into us talking about our TV/Movie same sex crushes AKA "who we'd go gay for." My dad and brother-in-law were a little bit hesitant about admitting they had one. This is when my sister chirp in saying (not word for word but the idea): "It's not so much about the sex. It's more about admiring their talent and having that opportunity to stand next to you. Sort of like, 'Yeah, I'm awesome...Look at how awesome I am, I can get this person!'" So finally, they gave in. Brother-in-law: Sean William Scott "because he's funny." Dad: Tom Hanks "because I like his movies."

Other family members. Brother: George Clooney "because he's the man!" Mom: Charlize Theron "because she's so cute and sexy in that one movie." Sister: Natalie Portman I forget what she said exactly...probably something about being beautiful. Me: Catherine Zeta Jones besides being beautiful I like that she is not painfully stick thin, plus she was an awesome Welsh accent. Although he was not there to partake in the conversation, my other brother has a huge man-crush on Pierce Brosnan.

Hey, speaking of the gays, did you know that Wisconsin passed a marriage amendment stating:

"Only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in this state. A legal status identical or substantially similar to that of marriage for unmarried individuals shall not be valid or recognized in this state."

Phew...I am SO glad that traditional marriage has been saved. I just don't have time to explain gay marriage to some confused kids. Oh wait...you say that it is already illegal for the gays to marry? Hmmmm. Well, we all know, if I voted "no" that the gays would waste all their time and energy and money to take their case to the courts, waste some more time in appeals in the slight chance that it will be overturned. That would ruin my life, even though I don't know the individuals and they have no affect on my life. Just the thought that they are married would tear my family apart and cause a nuclear bomb to drop because we all know that the gays have ties with North Korea.

Also, if he let the gays marry, then there will be group marriage and people marry their dogs. Because they are all one and the same and people that advocate gay marriage have no morals and are all depraved sinners. Slippery slope people! Slippery slope! Don't question my illogical thinking because you will make baby Jesus cry.

Also, all of you live-in boyfriends who batter your girlfriends rejoice! Domestic violence laws will no longer apply to you.