Soulpancake Post #3 - How do you keep yourself in check?

From the Virtues and Vices section:

DIG DEEPER QUESTIONS:
"Which of your flaws most bothers you?" - My hesitation and sometimes outright resistance to ask for help or company. I need to know how to balance my desire for independence and the human instinct to be part of a group.
"How are you a hypocrite?" - I am always the person that encourages people to "Stop giving any fucks" but every once in a while I find myself caring what others think about me and/or my actions.
"What's one thing you're glad you didn't do?" - As much as it might pain my family to read/hear this, moving back to my hometown after I graduated college. I think it took me truly living by myself to develop my own person, the person that I am today.

BIG QUESTION:
"How do you keep yourself in check?" - I keep myself surrounded by people that know me best. They are usually the ones that remind me of the person that I was and am. If I am completing relying on myself, then I always take a moment for self-reflection before I speak or act. Rarely do I do something without it being filtered first.

Soulpancake Post #2 - What Can You Do To Make This World A Little Less Screwed Up?

From the Life, Death and Living section:

DIG DEEPER
"Who has made your life a little less screwed up?" - My parents. They raised me with a sense of security, to have a level head, focus and drive. They have pretty different personalities and I like to think I have taken the best of both of them. With all of those factors combined I was able to not be distracted by bad influences.
"Should community service be mandatory?" - No. When people are forced to do things, they do not give their 100% effort nor do they bring positive energy. The best community service performance comes from individuals that put all of the heart in their work. Positive energy begets positive outcomes.
"When it comes to volunteer work what stops you from stepping up?" - Time. Work commitments and setting time aside to keep my mind/body/spirit happy leave me with little time to better my community. Even writing it down now makes me feel selfish. Blerg!

BIG QUESTION
What can you do to make this world a little less screwed up? - Be nice, be patient, be understanding, listen and accept others for who they are.

Soul Pancake Challenge -Chewing on Life's Big Questions - Post #1 - How has my sense of right and wrong evolved?

I'm trying out another challenge for myself. I won't necessarily be blogging everyday, but there will be at least one post a week.

This most recent challenge has been influenced by a book I just purchased: Rainn Wilson's (yes, Dwight from the Office) Soul Pancake: Chew on Life's Big Questions. I bought the book after getting addicted to watching video's uploaded to the similarly named YouTube channel. The channel makes videos that are uplifting, funny, thought provoking and just all around good. The book asks questions that make you think about philosophy, art, love, creativity, science, etc (all with some pretty cool art). So I decided to use this blog to answer some of the book's questions. It's about to get deep up in this business.

Here is the basic set up. Each page of the book has one main question, three "dig deeper" questions along with random quotes and facts around the topic. First up, from the "Introspection, Reflection and Identify" section:

DIG DEEPER:
"When is it important to rebel?" - When the powers-that-be are enforcing laws that limit the freedoms of people, even if the enforcement does not personally affect you.
"What will you never change your mind about?" - That there is good in the world and you don't have to look that hard to find it.
"What have you unlearned since your childhood?" - Perfection exists. No one is perfect. People make mistakes and should be given a chance for forgiveness.

BIG QUESTION:
"How has your sense of right and wrong evolved?" - By my experiences of getting to know new people from different walks of life, who have made me rethink my opinions and my truths. Sometimes those opinions have even changed.

This is the end...of the July postings!

This has been a lot harder than I expected, but I did it...one blog for every day of July. I was able to come up with ideas for a post everyday, even if I was stretching it on some day. I didn't get too personal or at least not so personal that I became uncomfortable. I like to think that I stayed at least some what amusing.

I definitely will not be blogging everyday from here on out but I will be trying to blog more often than I have in the past. I even purchased myself a tiny notebook, to mark down ideas when the mood strikes me. I should note that this notebook is turning out to be more of a "don't forget to buy...." reminder book so we will see how this pans out.

I am not sure if I met my objective which was to be more thoughtful about what I was writing as well as to be more considerate about my grammar/techniques/etc. Either way...meh...whatevs.

Now everyone should go and listen to "Yesterday" to mark this bittersweet day.  I even included several versions for the diverse tastes.
Beatles
En Vogue
Frank Sinatra
Elvis Presley
Boys II Men
Ray Charles 
whatever this is

Post #30 - High Self Esteem - Thanks Mom and Dad

I find it hard to believe that there are parents out there that don't overly praise everything about their children. Well, I guess that I know they exist, but thinking about these types of parents just makes me sad. People should be as lucky as I have been in my life to have parents that think everything you do is great.

There was a comedy bit I remember Amy Schumer doing in which she said she never knew she was awkward looking, because her mom always told her how beautiful she was....frizzy hair, cat shirts and all, which lead her to have high self esteem. I can relate to that.

My mom thinks that my writing is amazing. I should be writing novels, screenplays, columns, you name it...my words should be there. My dad can't really tell you accurately what I do for a living, but what he can tell you is just how good I am at it. I am a modern day business lady...jet setting from exotic location to exotic location...Durham to San Antonio, yo! They both think that I am one of the most beautiful people in the world...tied with their other children and grandchildren.

They are obviously the most brilliant and insightful people in the world.

When I see other people in horrible relationships, girls (and guys) that will forgive cheaters, or people that are just mean to them, I think, "Why do they put up with that?" And I automatically realize, they must not have high self esteem, that they some how think that deserve to be treated that way. I should lend them my parents for a week. My parents will praise them to the point that they will realize how amazing they are and will kick the loser to the corner.

You can rent my parents for a low price of $50 a week: Discount due to the corny/inappropriate jokes from my dad and for my mom ordering food from a restaurant and complaining about the choice she made (remember Mom, you don't like Chicken Fried Steak). Heart those crazy kids!

July Blogception - Post #29 - I'm a Conundrum

I wouldn't blame anyone for not "getting" me. I am hard to define. My personality traits tends to be both sides of the spectrum at the same time.

I'm a high strung hippie.
I'm a ditzy intellect.
I'm a jaded romantic.
I'm a flawed perfectionist.
I'm messily organized.
I'm immaturely sophisticated.
I have an athletic build without any athletic ability.
I am a friendly introvert.
I like to think I am cool for all of the nerdy things about me.

They should call of this, being Hollandish. And to think...I am not a Gemini!

July Post # 28 - Everybody is a Boob Man

A gay friend once told me that although he was not attracted to women, he would consider himself a boob man. He then claimed that everyone is a boob person. I have come to the realization that this is true. Even I appreciate the aesthetics of a good set of breasts. I may sometimes get distracted by my own cleavage, thinking "Yay, my boobs are on point today!"

However, I think one should be discreet when appreciating the boob area. I get super insecure when I think that there might be a small chance that someone is looking at my chest region. At a house party during college, I was chatted up by a guy that would not look at my face. Not thinking it was true, I jokingly said, "Are you looking at my boobs?" His awkward response was, "No...Yes." Then a few weeks ago, while in an elevator I found the guy across from me staring at my chest. Then he looked at me with a confused look on his face and said, "What does your t-shirt say?"

My response to both situations was to hunch my back, mutter something, and walk away. You can look at boobs (or words on t-shirts) without ogling people!

Today is what? - Post # 27 - Weird National Days of Recognition

July 27th is...

National Dance Day
National Day of the American Cowboy
National Sleepy Head Day
National Scotch Day

Just thought you would like to know.

July Blogstache - Post #26 - It's a Family Thing

Is It Over Yet? - Post #25 - Jobs of Yore

My first job was working as a sales associate at a department store. I worked in the junior's department. I spent 90% of my time cleaning out the changing room (I once found a used sanitary napkin), 5% of the time cleaning the showroom floor/refolding clothes, 3% of the time answering customer questions (I once showed a man the approximate bra size I thought he would fit), 2% of the time helping out at the cash register.

My next job was working with the Native student organization on my college campus. I helped plan events, put together budgets, I sat on Boards as the Native student representative, and held "office hours" in which I would answer questions about our organization and sometimes about the Native community in Madison. Once a white woman came in to ask what "my people" did to get rid of Asian Beetles. My answer, "uhhhhhh."

During the summers of my college years, I worked at day camps for the community recreation department. I did what most camp counselors did...showed the kids how to make lanyards and paper plate maracas, kicked their tiny little buts at kickball, blew my whistle at them, yelled at them...You know, the usual. I even got to drive one of those 15 passenger vans! Fun times.

My senior year of college going into the last summer of freedom, I worked at at one of those scent filled bath and body shops. I had a headache for the first two weeks from the stench and all of my co-workers were the worst (minus the short time that my roommate worked with me). So it basically was my favorite job ever.

For a short period their I worked at a temp agency. I would show up the day of and wait to see if they needed me for any job. I usually ended up at a factory, where all I did was push Styrofoam boards through a machine that would break it down. That was a weird time in my life.

Then I had my first real post-college job, as a service coordinator for a low-income housing property. I put together programs that educated the residents on financial planning, anger management, parenting classes, adult educational opportunities, and so on. Most of my time however, was spent dealing with the police calls. This was the first job that I did not voluntarily leave. Luckily I wasn't fired, but I was laid off.

And then, I went to my current place of employment. My work history in retrospect seems kind of short and all over the place. But at least I can say I never had a job that I absolutely hated. Don't get me wrong, I definitely didn't love the jobs, but at least I never quit out of frustration.

July Nostalgia Epidemic - Post #24 - My Inner Self Will Always be the 11 Year Old Version of Me

Oh what a difference 20 years makes.

It has just been recently pointed out to me that Ace of Base's The Sign and The Sandlot, are both 20 years old!  They both came out in 1993. At first I did not want to believe it. No way could that be 20 years ago. Because that is a long time and I can distinctly remember when those items first came out. I basically felt like a grown up at that time. OK, I was only 10/11 years old, but still old enough to have a lasting memory.

But if I really think about it, I remember a lot of things from that time in my life. It is almost as if that onset of adolescence really sticks with a person, or at least it did for me. So I decided to look up 1993 year in review to see if things really did make me go: "Really? That was 20 years ago? Ugh."

And guess what this website (http://pop-culture.us/Annual/1993.html) made me say that phrase repeatedly. Maybe instead I should say to myself, "Really, That was ONLY 20 years ago." Maybe that will make me feel better?

Songs: 
I Will Always Love You - Whitney Houston
Informer - Snow Freak Me - Silk
That's The Way Love Goes - Janet Jackson
Weak - SWV (Sisters With Voices)
Dreamlover - Mariah Carey

TV Shows:
Home Improvement (ABC)
Seinfeld (NBC)
Roseanne (ABC)
Grace Under Fire (ABC)
Coach (ABC)
Frasier (NBC)

Movies:
Jurassic Park
Mrs. Doubtfire
Sleepless In Seattle
Schindler's List

Scandels/Shocking Death:
Michael Jackson's pedophile case
Brandon Lee's onset death
River Phoenix's drug related death

July Pintrest-y Post #23 - Look Ma, I'm Crafty!

My parents bought me a used dining room set. It was made of really nice wood and included six chairs, for only $25. What a deal. The cushions were not so great. But I was told I could simply reupholster them. Yikes! I have not one creative/crafty bone in my body. But I gave it a shot. I even went with a fabric that I felt would go well with my dining room walls.

Before

After

These are my bedroom walls, don't judge me!

I feel like Martha Stewart now.

July Let Downs - Post # 22 - Say It Ain't So Ryan!

Former MVP Ryan Braun Suspended

I feel like one of those girls that I always judge that believe their philandering boyfriends. "How could you be so naive?" I would think. Well, I now say I can related. Because I believed his story.  Now I can never trust anyone every again! {over-dramatic breakdown}

However, I can always take the mindset of my brother who says everyone in the MLB is doing it. So if everyone is doing it, they should be on a level playing field, and Ryan still managed to out preform everyone. But I am still salty. Call me idealistic, but I would rather see people play with their natural ability, even if it means that the game is a little more boring to watch.

However, I am not throwing out my Braun tshirt. I'm just going to retire it for a little while. He needs to prove himself again next season. Win himself back into my good graces. Meanwhile I will continue my adoration of the newest Brewers superstarts, Gomez and Segura. Please don't disappoint me boys!

July Flashback Post #21 - Lingering Homework Anxieties

Am I alone on this? It has been a little more than 8 years since I have finished college, and a little more than 12 years since I finished high school and I still have small moments of panic in which I think I forgot homework.

It usually happens at night, right before I drift off to bed. I start doing a mental check list of what I am suppose to do the next day. My mind automatically takes me to the classroom and handing off homework that I did not finish. This thought usually jolts me every so slightly enough, that I am no longer drifting to sleep. I'm just awake.

The weird part is that I never forgot any homework or special tests in high school or college. I was always prepared. Was the homework perfect? Of course not. But at least it was never late.

I take it back. I wasn't always prepared. In fact, the one time that I can remember not being prepared is probably why I still have anxieties about not completing homework to this day. I was in third grade, and I had to build a diorama of the Little House on the Prairie. For some reason I forgot about it, until late at night. I told my mom at bedtime that I forgot. Needless to say, the next morning I might have found a completed diorama. The homework fairies were good to me. Maybe I should start believing in fairies again.

July Meandering Deep Thoughts Part Deaux Post #20 - What does the color of your skin have to do with it?

I am a biracial child and this is the way that I self-identify myself. My father is white (French-Canadian, Irish, and German ancestry) and my mother is American Indian (Menominee and Bad River tribes). According to a few people, I supposedly look like I have "little something" in me. I think I look white, or rather my appearance favors my father's side of the family. Even my mother would admit that I am the fairest of her four children. Apparently by the society's standards, you are whatever you look like:

While participating in a diversity training activity in an AmeriCorps program I was in after college, we were asked to step to one of two sides of the room. The white participants stood on one half of the room and the non-white participants stood on the other side. I refused to participate. I did (and do) not identify myself with either side of the room, and I didn't want them to make me choose. Making me chose, would be an insult to one of my parents. It was surprising to me to find that the organizers of the activity, didn't have the MANY biracial participants involved when planning the activities. It still irritate me to this day.

Even when in college, while attending events in the Multicultural Student Center (MSC), I would be asked why I was there: Was I a House Fellow that needed to attend to better understand the students of color of my dorm? Sigh. Following this event, I found myself almost defending myself at future MSC events. It was just a notch below shouting, "My mother is brown!"

At work, the Board of Directors had noticed that there wasn't a great representative of diversity in the program over the years. Another staff person, who is white, was asked to lead the discussion to strengthen and increase the diversity of the program. No need to ask the only nonwhite person on staff to help out or provide feedback!

However, I am not innocent of this judging/classifying by skin color. My family has had plenty of discussions about who should play Native American in movies. Can it just be anyone with brown skin? Would a fair skin biracial person (such as myself) be OK? I found myself saying, that if someone with fair skin were cast in a Native American role it would probably upset me, even if they were tribally enrolled.

After my mugging, I did my own little experiment. I would tell the story of the mugging and deliberately leave out the race of the teenage boys. Majority of the people I would tell the story to would take it upon themselves to assign a race to the muggers.

I wish I could say we live in a "post-race" world but just reading the comments that are left behind from news stories on the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman and Darrius Simmons/John Spooner cases, we don't. Being perceived as white by others, I at least get to kid myself every once in awhile into thinking that there is no racism in the world. That is one of the privileges of being white, you don't have to think about race (but you are more than welcome to talk about it). Being any other color, you are reminded everyday that you are not white. And others will make automatic assumptions about your life/actions simply based on the way you look.

July Blogdigity Post #19 - Homegirl Needs a Massage

For some reason my entire body is sore. It is as if I have gone through some extensive marathon training, and then got run over by a freight train. Normally in these situations I would take a warm bath or would put a heating bad on my sore muscles, but in this heat...not going to happen. (Side note: when I brought up my soreness to my co-worker she said she thought it might be the heat that was causing it).

Because this has been happening for the past couple of days, I even thought about getting a massage, but then I remembered: I'm terrible at getting massages. Yes, people can be bad at getting massages. It happens.

I've gotten a professional massage three times. The first time, it was done by a VERY pregnant lady. I don't remember if it was good or not, because I was distracted the entire time, thinking to myself, "Man, do I feel guilty. A woman that is about to pop out a baby, is giving my whiney ass a massage." And then I proceeded to tip her well. The second time was fine, but at the time I was super stressed out at work. The entire time I was getting massaged, I was thinking about work and therefore tensing by body. Useless waste of the poor massage therapist's time. The third time the massage therapist's stomach was growling. I could hear it over the jazz music (that I had selected over the normal new age crap that is usually played). I was so focused on the stomach noises that I could not relax.

Or maybe all of the reasons are just excuses. Because in reality, I hate being touched by strangers. I can take a handshake, or a light punch in the shoulder. But if I don't know you all that well. Buy a girl a drink first otherwise hands off! Totally just kidding...you need to buy me a drink AND an appetizer.

Don't get me wrong. I am actually super affectionate with the people I actually know. I give good hugs, appreciate a back rub, I like to play with people's hair and for others to play with my hair (watch out, I will fall asleep), I may on occasion hold hands and I might snuggle every once in a while.  However, this can take a really long time. I'd say a year-ish. Usually it involves the person witnessing me make an ass out of myself. A few times it involves getting drunk together. It really bonds me with that person. After this I can let them enter my bubble.

If you are the offspring of my siblings...there is no probationary period. I will cuddle the crap out of you right away! No need to get drunk with me.

July Day Late Blog - Post # 18 - Free is the Best Tasting Food There Is

At work whenever someone puts food by out coffee station, that is an indicator that it is free for the taking. True to my college self, I take those people up on the offer. Even if it is something I don't like (Oreos for example, yes! I don't like Oreos) I will eat it just because I didn't have to pay for it. Of course there are rare exceptions to that rule, such as if I believe the food may make me sick; such as red meat which I have digested in over 10 years. But even then I do second guess myself.

I even find myself going to social functions I normally wouldn't go to, because I know I will get free food. Amateur Curling League is giving out free subs?  I am there.

I know that I am not alone in this. Who doesn't like free food. I even see it developing in younger generations ask the children go to parades and attack the free candy thrown at them like little hyenas attacking their prey. Welcome to the club kids.

July Blog Days of Summer - Post #17 - How Hot Is It?

So it's been pretty hot in Milwaukee lately. For a few days straight it has been near 100 and humid. The type of humid where you can almost feel yourself walk through a wall of sweat. I'm wearing a sun dress it is that hot out. I enjoy these days in an apartment with no air conditioning. And I will continue to have no air conditioning. It is just not THAT hot out.

I don't know how hot it has to be for me to relent and buy a small air conditioner. I'm just not willing to put in the money or effort. Call me lazy and frugal. I will call myself cost conscious and earth friendly.

I usually allevate the problem of hotness and humidity by taking a cold shower, wearing as little as possible, having the fan point right at me and sleeping with no sheets on. The latter of which pains me because I have a certain environment I need in order to get me to sleep: pitch black, white noise, body pillow and blanket covering me. I will put up with it if it means I am cool and giving in to buying a flipping air conditioner.

However, if it stays this bad, I might have to hit up a movie theater (still not buying an air conditioner).

Who me?  Stubborn?

July Good Bloggy! - Post #16 - Cubicle Etiquette

I work in a cubicle environment. It is kind of the worst. There is no way to shut your door to cut out your neighbors. No, instead you have to deal with that one co-worker that will stick his head over the cubicle wall, startle you, and then proceed to tell you about how the printer is broken - what exactly he was doing when he found out the printer was broken, how he was feeling when he found out the printer was broken, what he will do to fix the problem. The best solution to this situation is to just nod your ahead and not say anything. Polite, but not engaging.

Then of course there are the cubicle neighbors that are eating the loudest food possible. Sure, your work has rules about not eating strong smelling foods at your cubicles, but there are no restrictions on apples, carrots, or a never ending bag of kettle chips. Somehow, this person eating the loud food is also hyper aware that their food is loud. So they try to fix the problem by biting into the food slowly and taking forever to finish, but they are only making the situation worse (like those people opening candy wrappers in a movie theater).

Am I perfect? Of course not. I find myself humming to myself, talking a bit too loudly on the phone or grunting out of frustration. But at least I catch myself and fix the problem!

For all my friends out there that work in cubicleland, pay attention to this lovely article on cubicle etiquette.

This is the July Blog That Never Ends - Post #15 - Wedding Season!

I'm going to say something that may surprise many people that know me: I love weddings! Always have. Yes, the cynical, black hearted me loves a sentimental and corny wedding. Give me your electric slide, give me your buffet dinners, give me your sappy photo montages while "God Only Knows" plays, give me the bridal party choreographed dance routines and you best give me those photo booths with props! I will soak all the goodness in.

It is the one time I like to get dressed-up (usually hate it) and will voluntarily get down and boogey (which I also generally hate). I will stuff my face with food and cake and drink. It is also an excellent time to meet the other friends/family of the happy couple (OK, it is more fun to watch these people bust out their best Mom/Dad dance moves). I don't even to have a date to have a good time, that is how much I love weddings.

I feel bad for people that don't like weddings. What a better time then to celebrate the commitment of the people that you care about and to watch what will be one of the most happy moments of their entire life? I can understand personally not believing in marriage or thinking that too much money or importance it put into weddings/ceremonies, but hey, it's not your life or your decision! The one thing I do hope for, is the day when ALL marriages can be recognized which means I will have more opportunities to go to weddings of my friends/family.

I will be sending in two "yeses" to weddings I will be attending in the Fall. One family member and one college friend. Good times here I come!