Ugly Survival

Sometimes people ask me why I do and do not do certain things, and I look at them with a quizzical look as if they should know why, and doesn't everyone have this mentality? But then I remember that not everyone comes from a town where the residents do not have an alibi. This town is ugly town. What residents of my town do/do not do (to help those understand why I do certain things):

• Avoid photographs at all cost, especially if said camera is not your own. You don't want to be paying for any repair costs, let alone paying for an entirely new one when you break it with your ugness.
• If you somehow get caught in a photo, quicky cover your face/ugliest part with hair or some other object. Here is an example of some quick thinking on my part: (Janice Dickenson on America's Next Top Model once said that only ugly girls cover their faces with their hair. So true.)
• If for whatever reason, you like to get your picture taken don't mug/act "sexy"/make a goofy face as it will only make you look more ridiculous. I try to do as my ancestors do: remain stoic. You should take a look at all the photos taken of my for my sister's wedding:
• Don't try to cover your imperfections by wearing makeup or dressing cutely. Why? Once again, it makes you look even more ridiculous.
• Get friends that are uglier than you. Then, when you are out together, you are the pick of the litter. I am still working on this. But as it turns out, pretty people also have this rule.
• You know how almost everyone in the world have their own attractiveness rating system for potential mates? Well people in my town's rating system is entirely too high, standards need to be lowereed. Don't hit on a 10, you can chance it with a 5 but say it with me people, "2 is the new 10."
• Best yet is to not hit on anyone and let beer goggles take affect on all those 7ish potentials, and never take advantages of said sitatuations (remember too to always practice safe sex).

Now everyone, take a deep breath, and realize I write this with tongue set firmly in cheek. But everyone really should Be Ugly in 2007 or some shit like that. Watch Ugly Betty, its well.