Say It Ain't So So, George!

I was listening to the radio this morning and some information they kept in their "junk drawer" (the celebrity gossip) was that there are rumors circulating that George Clooney is dating Pamela Anderson-Lee-Rock or whatever her last name is. Granted this is a huge step up for her and a giant step down for him, even though I don't doubt the fact that George is a big STD-filled man-whore but I kind-of-sort-of thought him to be "better" than that. Way to prove me wrong. He is sooooo off my Celebs I Would Bang list. And I am sure he would cry a river hearing that news.

Negative Kudos: Pick N' Save produce department

Ah, I almost forgot about my weekly installment. Here it goes.

Last time I went shopping I was very much disappointed with the selection of produce at the Pick 'N Save where I shop. Lets list the problems I had:

• The price: I don't buy organic for one reason alone; I can't afford it. Its one of the wonderful things about our world today. The rich can afford a healthy life style (food and exercise and the time it takes for all of that) whereas the working and lower class have to scrap buy just to load up on the groceries that lead to poor health like obesity, diabetes, high cholesterol etc. (I remember there being an article I once read for a woman's studies class that spoke more about this but I forget who wrote it. So instead I will encourage you to read Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf. Hell, that might be the book I was talking about).

Anyway, back to the food. An example of the price hike-so-high-it-caused-camel-toe. I rarely buy oranges outside the summer months because they are expensive but I always note the price for reasons I can't explain besides me being a nerd. The price of one orange raised by 15 cents from the last time I was there (about three weeks). They were trying to be all clever by declaring "4/$3" but I always notice the price increase which the oranges weren't the only victims of in the department.

• The freshness: I was looking for lettuce. I usually eat romaine lettuce but when I neared it I noticed that it was not looking too good. There was a hot mess of brown goo going on. And even that crap was over priced. I decided to instead go with a head of iceberg lettuce which was about the size of my fist. Once again the lettuce was not the only victim of this as the entire department looked either dried and crusted up or soggy and brown.

• The variety and amount: That of what was left and visually edible was being snapped up ferociously by the other shoppers. I managed to get out with that lettuce, apples, carrots and a celery stick (OK, two).

I know, it is winter and all over the country we are experiencing cold weather but is it really THAT bad? Maybe I just came on a bad day but I was in a bad mood for the rest of my shopping. Not even when I picked up some ice cream on sale, was I again happy. Was that too over dramatic?

Not the actual Pick 'N Save produce department.

Whoa...I got mentioned in a Facebook group

On Facebook, there is (high school person lead I should indicate) this group. I don't know if you can access it without an account but let me highlight some goodies if you can't see it:

"Further, after being booted out of the "First name Holland, last name..." group, I came to realize that [my last name] Holland (also erroneously known as "Holland [my last name]") is the root of this terrible nomenclature epidemic. Please help her through this time of need by endlessly friending her and inviting her to our wonderful community. If we sway her, we may just win the battle!"

Ah, high schoolers, I didn't even know I was in a battle. To be known: I have yet to be "endlessly friended" or invited to any community (I *think* this means I win) but I admire their trollish ways. But I give him positive kudos for using the phrase "nomenclature epidemic." It made me giggle. Me thinks we have a future chemist on our hands.

The thing I liked about Facebook, was that it was originally a college site. This meant that immature teenagers that sign up for 100 "groups" didn't have to troll around the site.

Note: The following actors play BROTHERS

I watched Heroes last night, of course. It was really good. What I saw:

• Radioactive Man practices his skills in some cabin.
• Future seeing guy, his ex, flying politico, time and space jumper and his friend all joined together in NYC to try to find a way to stop the exploding man.
• Peter the power absorber wake from a coma and later run into a invisible man.
• Claire fall from a tower again to prove to NOTGAYZach that she can heal herself, and so she can get an ally once again.
• Professor Sex and that dude in the glasses exchange words about THE LIST, while Syler lies comatose in Primatech.
• Voice-hearer confess to his cheating wife that he hears voices, and not in the crazy way. But other people think that Niki/ikiN does hear voice and that she is McCrazy pants, and oh and super strong without the help of ikiN (ok, or Jessica whatever).
• Some how Linderman (the guy that is funding and buying everything) and that squiggly s-thing figured into the show as well.
• Oh yeah...we also saw this from the Petrelli Brothers:

The wrongfully HOTT screen cap came from here. The writers and/or actors so know that the viewers are eating up the hoyay/broyay. Dang, they touch each other a lot.

The worst day of the year?

Today is considered the most depressing day of the year according to this and several other articles. It chalks up to failed New Years resolutions, it being Monday, in the middle of winter, bills and long nights (shorter days).

I would agree with this, that this time of year does truly suck. But people are forgetting that today is also the day that Heroes is coming back. Seriously, I am super pumped about this. I never thought I would get this excited about a television show (OK, besides Arrested Development and Ugly Betty) let alone a "sci-fi/fantasy" show.

Things I am excited to find out:

Who are Claire's (the indestructible cheerleader) parents?
What/who does the Horn Rimmed Glasses man (Claire's adoptive father) work for and does he have special powers?
What the hell is up with Niki and her alter ego Jessica (or ikiN as she is referred to on televisionwithoutpity.com)?
Who blows up New York City and how?
Why is Syler both scary and sexy?
What is up with those marks on the neck and does it have anything to do with that s shape symbol thingy?

Thing I am most excited about:

Seeing all the prettiness of the cast.

Cute Overload is overloading in the cuteness

I cannot stop talking about CuteOverload.com. It is the best website ever. It takes little effort. Just look at the cute picture and read the short witty caption and you will be happy. It melts even the blackest of hearts, like my own.

The only downfall is that the "squee" high you experience upon seeing all the cute, might not last long enough to get you through you torturous work day. Oh wait, is that just me? However, my visit today should get me through it (along with the anticipation of tonight's long awaited return of Heroes...yippee). Here are my favorite pictures I saw today:

Mama Horse using her pony as a pillow:
Kitty in a (Packer?) sweater:
Seriously. Look at the ear holes on that tiny sweater. That crap is ridiculous.

Negative Kudos: Isaiah Washington

Apparently, long ago in early October, there was a scuffle on the set of Grey's Anatomy between Isaiah Washington (who plays Preston Burke) and Patrick Dempsey (plays Derek Shepard). I don't remember reading too much about it but apparently it was about cast members being late to the set, there was some throat grabbing and Washington using the sentence, "I'm not your little faggot like (at the time the name was deleted for privacy sake, later it was found to be TR Knight who plays George O'Mallay)." This lead to Knight, publicly "coming out" as a homosexual man. Soon after it seemed like the waters had calmed down.

Come to this past Monday, following the Golden Globe win for Grey's Anatomy, the cast was collected in the press room when a reporter asked the show's creator to talk about how they are handling the above situation. This lead Washington to walk up to the microphone (uninvited by the way) and proclaim, "No, I did not call TR a faggot. It did not happen" Everyone (reporter and cast) looked uncomfortable, and the show's creator quickly changed the subject. Washington did not help matters when he continued to state he never used that "vile" word and that, “I love gay. I wanted to be gay. Please let me be gay.” He also kissed Dempsey to prove how OK he is with the gays. TR later confirmed in an interview on Ellen, that Washington did in fact use the word.

Since I do not know him personally, I am not one to proclaim that Isaiah Washington is homophobic or prejudice (although he sure is coming off like such) but from what I know and how he portrays himself I would call Washington insensitive and ignorant. Even I had problems writing that word twice in this blog. It is just so hateful.

One more reason Washington is getting a negative kudos? Unfortunately falling into the stereotype of angry black man who hates the gays. You should really read the bell hooks article Homophobia in Black Communities. It is a good read.

Also, I am thinking I should make Negative Kudos a weekly installment, as I find that I am always mentally giving people (celebrities, political figures, personalities, everyday people etc.) negative kudos, AKA finger wagging of shame, mental cussing out, evil eye glare etc. Lets see if I have the attention span to remember to do this.

John Mayer: Why do I care?

Ok, so this news has been around forever but I am bored and feel like airing my feeling on this matter:

John Mayer and Jessica Simpson

I am not a John Mayer fan. His music grates my nerves. It reminds me of the stuff of frats and sororities and all this Aeropostale. Also, I don't really find him all that attractive. I will give him that he has his times that he looks ok-to-hot but I just chalk that up to me liking tall and lean guys. But other than that, he looks kind of funny. I can't put my finger on what exactly it is but I do remember reading somewhere a funny comparison, of which I cannot remember (I googled the term "John Mayer looks like" and came up with a whole funny list of outcomes which I will end with).

So with all this music hatred and "meh" attitude on looks, why am I so disappointed in JM dipping into the JS sauce? I had to go and have a little bit of respect for him because the dude is quite funny. Anyone that can say: "You might describe a "phase" as that year you spent in Boston, or the six months you hung with that ham radio salesman in Guam. (Do your thing, mom!)" And make an entire post about his Jif peanut butter spreader idea (seen at his blog) is ok to me. (The first time I found out he was funny was seeing his special "John Mayer Has a TV Show" on Vh1 and he got feedback about his "image" from a focus group of his fans. This basically ended up making fun of himself and kind of, probably unintentionally, his fans for being all weepy and fangirly). He just makes me chuckle, secretly though because I gotta keep my cool kid club card.

All this quasi-respect goes down the drain for dating a girl that was once married to that bo-hunk Lachey, sang...well any of her songs, and did and said all the things she did on Newlyweds. Oh, and lets not forget that she has a creepy dad too. Icky.

So here is what you find when you google "John Mayer looks like":

John Mayer Looks Like And Probably Is A Child Molester
John Mayer looks like Cesar from The Cabinet of Dr Caligari with his dark-circled eyes and deadsy stare
John Mayer looks like he’s hit the pipe one too many times
John Mayer looks like a bloated corpse
John Mayer looks like Edward Scissorhands
John Mayer looks like Mark “Zombie” Anthony
John Mayer looks like he could have been a Brady Bunch kid
John Mayer looks like he is going to throw up when he performs
John Mayer looks like a puckered anus
John Mayer looks like a character from “Where the Wild Things Are"
JOhn mayer looks like a muppet

none of these is what I was looking for, but I would like to share my personal favorite:

John Mayer looks like a prematurely born fetus

Wow, this post was a waste of my time.

Ugly Survival

Sometimes people ask me why I do and do not do certain things, and I look at them with a quizzical look as if they should know why, and doesn't everyone have this mentality? But then I remember that not everyone comes from a town where the residents do not have an alibi. This town is ugly town. What residents of my town do/do not do (to help those understand why I do certain things):

• Avoid photographs at all cost, especially if said camera is not your own. You don't want to be paying for any repair costs, let alone paying for an entirely new one when you break it with your ugness.
• If you somehow get caught in a photo, quicky cover your face/ugliest part with hair or some other object. Here is an example of some quick thinking on my part: (Janice Dickenson on America's Next Top Model once said that only ugly girls cover their faces with their hair. So true.)
• If for whatever reason, you like to get your picture taken don't mug/act "sexy"/make a goofy face as it will only make you look more ridiculous. I try to do as my ancestors do: remain stoic. You should take a look at all the photos taken of my for my sister's wedding:
• Don't try to cover your imperfections by wearing makeup or dressing cutely. Why? Once again, it makes you look even more ridiculous.
• Get friends that are uglier than you. Then, when you are out together, you are the pick of the litter. I am still working on this. But as it turns out, pretty people also have this rule.
• You know how almost everyone in the world have their own attractiveness rating system for potential mates? Well people in my town's rating system is entirely too high, standards need to be lowereed. Don't hit on a 10, you can chance it with a 5 but say it with me people, "2 is the new 10."
• Best yet is to not hit on anyone and let beer goggles take affect on all those 7ish potentials, and never take advantages of said sitatuations (remember too to always practice safe sex).

Now everyone, take a deep breath, and realize I write this with tongue set firmly in cheek. But everyone really should Be Ugly in 2007 or some shit like that. Watch Ugly Betty, its well.

OMG Kitties!!!11!!

Remember how I posted about my favorite scene from Scrubs (and probably from anything, like, ever). Here it is.

The kind of news that puts Sheboygan in the headlines

Here is a story about a picture taken from the late 1800's of a man sitting on a dead horse in the middle of the street on the south side of Sheboygan. Who the man was and why he is sitting on the horse is a mystery but apparently its a popular mystery, as it has been circulating around the Internet.

I never even heard of the photo. Granted I probably visited the Sheboygan Historical Society, once my whole life but the photo isn't a popular lore around town.

Sometimes I am really proud to be from Sheboygan: known for its brats, surfing and pictures of men sitting on dead horses.

Three Cheers for Unprotected Sex!!!

Or not.

This weekend I got a phone call from my dad. This should have tipped me off that the news was not good. Next The Dad said, "Hollie, are you sitting down?" Now, given that the last time my dad called me (The Mom usually is the one calling with The Dad yelling stuff in the background that he wants me to know) he informed me that my grandma was unresponsive in the hospital, my mind started to think Oh my, who died this time as my heart raced. Then he informed me that my teenage cousin (that already had one child when she was 14) was once again pregnant at the age of 16.

At first I had a sense of relief. OK, no one died. Next was the feeling of FUCK! I can't believe she let that gross guy come near her (yes it was the same guy that knocked her up). Final feeling, which is still occurring, that poor kid. That kid will be even more screwed up that the one that is here now. I am worried that the baby is not getting good prenatal care. Also, my cousin is missing out on her quality teenage years. It is such a tragedy.

Worse yet, she is due a month before my sister. So this means that my cousin's family has been keeping it from us for a while. But as I told my mom, the first time round I could bite my tongue because mistakes happen. However, this type of mistake does not happen twice and the next time I see my cousin I will be gifting her with boxes upon boxes of condoms and lubrication (as well as a lesson on how they work) along with a lesson on birth control pills and the alternatives to them. I know that she is pregnant and its too late (AGAIN) but I can at least prevent from her having three before 18. Lord knows someone needs to be teaching her some sex education, because her "vow" never to have sex again really seemed to work.

An alternative title I was thinking I could use: My Family=White/Native American Trash at Its Finest.

Box O' Kittens

I watched Scrubs tonight. OK, I wasn't really paying close attention, it was just on in the background and I was tuning in and out while I surfed the net, gotta multitask. However in one section that I happen to be paying close attention to had probably the funniest and best scenes ever seen on television. Here's how it went:

JD (main character who is a doctor for those who don't know/haven't watched the show) had a patient who was young and suffering from heart failure, with no prior medical condition and no family history of heart disease. He spent most of the episode worrying and obsessing over it. Later JD realized that in prior conversations he had with the woman, in which she stated that she was single and had no family, he never noticed that she was wearing a wedding ring. Apparently she was married but her husband had recently died. She was suffering damage to her heart due to stress: a broken heart (it was worded differently in the show I believe).

JD was then speaking with the the hospital therapist and asked how one cured a broken heart. This then led to one of JD's fantasies (which are standard in Scrubs episodes) in which he is standing over the woman saying that he has the cure, a box of kittens which he then proceeds to dump on her, followed by him listing off a list of side effects which I missed because I was busy giggling.

I continued to miss the rest of the episode imagining a box of kittens being dumped on me, followed by me playing, petting, kissing and cuddling with them. I think the box o' kitties would look something like this:


Come on! Who wouldn't want their own personal box of kitties? Mean people with no souls, that's who. Also, I believe this is the second time I referenced Scrubs, the first being the post when I mentioned that I named my body pillow Diego because I thought it was funny when JD named his Catalina and said it was his girlfriend.

Edited this for clarification.

...Happy New Year...

So basically from the last time I posted until up to four days ago I was back in my hometown of Sheboygan, Wisconsin. Good times. Sometimes you forget how nice it is just to sleep, eat and veg out without having to worry about work, doing chores and running errands. So instead of boring you with very tedious details of my "vacation" I will bore you with unnecessarily detailed snippets of my time off:

• My friends came to visit me and we went out for a few drinks. While at the bar I got dirty looks from girls that I went to high school with and never spoke to (let alone had a class with).
• I didn't see any of my old high school friends mostly because I was too much of a bum to call them or make any effort to get off of my lazy ass.
• I went shopping for gifts for four people (and some small presents for cousins) because I was a) broke and b) you guessed it, lazy.
• Got some cool presents such as Teen Witch, Little Miss Sunshine and a box set of the Greatest Hits of Queen.
• While at a family gathering, playing Family Feud board game my five year old cousin answered with my sisters name when asked "Who is a famous person with a big belly?" (my sister is 4.5 months pregnant). Of course he was thoroughly embarrassed but we all reassured him that, while she was not an answer, yes Rianna does have a big belly.
• I had about as much family time as I could handle so I went back to Milwaukee and attended a Bucks game. They actually won too. Woot.
• I spent New Years Eve at first shopping for maternity pants for my sister and then at my friend Danielle's playing Scene It and 90's Trivial Pursuit. Nice laid back night (for the most part) without heavy drinking and debauchery but what does one expect when hanging out with a pregnant lady.

What I am most proud of during my stay with my family is that I managed not to get in a fight or bring up the stupidity of my brother dropping out of UW-Madison. I am really starting to mature....well, kind of.