You are cool, and I mean that in the non-sarcastic way

I like to think that I have a lot of friends. My weekends typically don't end up being lonely, because I usually have someone to hang out with it. I even have a number of friends that I can't easily hang out with because they have moved away from me or I have moved away from them (tear). I'm really one really lucky lady to have so many awesome, sincere, intelligent people in my life.

With these friendships, there is usual a moment that occurred between us, in which I said to myself, "Dang, that person is awesome! I most have them in my life forever." Here are some  highlights:

• Watching someone you had just met, run (soberly) into and bounce off of a closed screen door. Only to watch her follow-up with a Mary Catherine Gallagher "Superstar" pose.  FRIEND!
• Participating in a river clean-up with a friend of a friend that you barely know and getting him to help you make the couple nearby (that is on there first date no less) feel uncomfortable, by serenading them with super sexy renditions of Ginuwine's Pony and Silk's Freak Me. FRIEND!
• Working late one night, and hearing your co-worker start singing the Humpy Dance out loud, alone at his cubicle. FRIEND!
• Your new work friend hiding in the bathroom, while you use her t-shirt to demonstrate to the rest of your co-workers your fancy t-shirt folding trick. FRIEND!
• Being the worst spotter during a trust exercise and letting your friend fall and end up getting a real bad-ass bruise (I was the bad spotter in this situation, sorry!).  FRIEND!

If your story is not in here, don't fret!  It's probably because A) It's too embarrassing to share with the world (not our friendship, just the situation), B) We've friends for so long, that I cannot remember the moment that defined our friendship, you were always just there, I love that you were!

Laundromat is the new bus

In the year and a half that I haven't been updating this blog, I have moved to a new apartment and a new neighborhood.

In my old apartment, I had a designated spot in an indoor garage that allowed me to keep my car parked for long periods of time. I could then take the bus to and from work. The bus trip was quick, free (work paid for my bus pass) and environmentally conscious. Also, as I have mentioned before, these bus trips have led to some interesting stories. At this particular apartment, there was a number of washing machines and dryers which allowed me to do laundry in peace because there was usually no one else doing laundry at the same time.

At my "new" apartment, I do not have a designated parking spot, so I have to drive my car to and from work to avoid getting a parking ticket. I park in my work's garage (for free again, because my awesome employers pays for the downtown parking ramp access). One would think that I would be missing out on the awesome bus-related stories. But with no washer or dryer in my apartment now, I have to use a laundromat, which means AWKWARD STRANGER MOMENTS!  yaaaaaay? Here are some examples of the stories I have collected in my brain jail so far:

I'm sure, for that particular guy, that the door was leading to Narnia 
I have tried the two different laundromats. The first one was closer to my apartment. It was extremely small, and all of the appliances were so old they ended up ruining some of my clothes with what looked to be rust stains . It wasn't more than a few months before I decided to switch laundromats. But before I did, I had the following experience:

Being too lazy to travel back and forth between home and the laundromat, I parked myself on a bench with a magazine, snack and my phone to entertain myself while I waited for my clothes to finish their washing and drying. Early on in the washing period (and I should probably note here that I was completely alone in the building) I notice a man pacing back and forth outside glancing in the window. Finally he walks in, goes to the bathroom, stays in there for a few minutes, walks out without acknowledging me ever. This little cycle of disappearing, reemerging, pacing outside on the sidewalk, jaunt to the bathroom for 3 minutes, exiting , REPEAT, occurred about 3 times during my entire "stay" for the night, which was about 2-2.5 hours.

Just before I left, I stuck my head in the now empty bathroom to see what the big deal was. What I saw with my eyes can only be described by the afternoon specials, or Lifetime Movies, or weird Current TV documentaries as a heroin and/or crack den.  Ok, I will admit it.  It wasn't the rust stains! I'm pretty sure the probable druggie was the catalyst to me selecting a new laundromat.

Maybe YOU make faces when you fold your laundry
At the second laundromat, I was shaking out my clothes and folding them after they got out of the dryer. I could see out of the corner of my eye that a lady was laughing (no, not giggling, or smiling - just full out laughing) at me. 

Me: May I help you (with a hesitant smile)?
Lady (not too much older than me): Your face just looks real funny when you fold clothes (contorts face to mimic what I was doing).
Me: Oh, ok. 

How Rude

Getting down with the adult contemporary
If my phone battery runs low, I will tempt the fates by entering the laundromat without a form of distraction while my phone charges in my car. Which also means I am subjected to listening to adult contemporary which plays overhead instead of sticking my head phones on and listening to music play on my phone.

This one time a woman was seriously getting down to the music being played by the laundromat. Not a fully body get down, but more of a "Holland get down" which involves sitting down, and moving the upper body.  Except this lady's upper body movement was all quasi-thrash metal, quasi-Keith Moon (or name another crazy drummer). She was totally pulling out the bull horns too. And all while there was some Hall and Oates song playing (probably not true, but in my memory it is the soundtrack to this particular event).

Ok, so this entry is getting too long and I am too tired. There is more to tell, and I am sure more to share. But in meantime, adieu!

Things that are better than...

I sit at my desk lightly clearing my throat followed by a swallow when I feel it..the beginning stage of a sore throat. You know that feeling...the feeling that this sore throat will rapidly spiral down into an all out head cold. I sit there imagining myself a few days from now, surrounded by mountains of used tissue. Nose all flaky and red from the nose rubbing and already cursing myself for getting the cheap version and not kicking in the extra few cents for the aloe tissues.

The only way I can ease my anxiety, is to make a list of things that are better than a sore throat (that will turn into a cold):

• Left over baptismal cake brought into work by colleagues (sugary frosting always soothes the hurt)
• When my dad hugs me so hard it cracks my back
• The term "stupid fresh"
• When I go to Sheboygan for the weekend and my Mom makes breakfast and coffee for me in the morning
• Getting that special corner space in the gym where I can do my balance squats without people's judgey "you're doing it wrong" eyes
• Cuddling with my nieces and nephews (who were probably the ones that got me sick, but whatevs)
• Leaving work at 5 pm and it being pitch black outside (I actually hate this, but even this is better than the stupid sore throat)
• Stealing candy from my nieces' and nephews' Halloween stash. Haha, suckas!
• Everything else in the world!

 Excuse me while I chug water, Vitamin C, hot tea, and anything else to ward off the doom!

It's not me, It's you...Err...Reverse That

This might be shocking for you to find out, but I never broke up with anyone. In my prior dating experiences, the break up was mutual or it was the dude that did the dumping. My favorite break up line is still, "I hope we can continue to be friends because you are a cool chick." Surprisingly my response was not, "Can we still be friends after I punch you in the throat?" Needless to say we did not remain friends.

When/if the day comes that I get to experience being the "breaker-upper", I don't have any prior experience to call upon, to do so in the most compassionate way. But, I have recently realized that my job as a meeting planner does give me an opportunity to learn the best way to let someone down easily.

Typically my client contracts certain services of our meeting to outside vendors. Decorators, audio-visual, security, printing companies, etc., will all contact me to find out how they can provide their services for the meeting. I end up looking through several proposals before I make a decision on the specific company that we will use. (Look at me: I am also finding out how it feels to have a full dance card. I'm the prettiest belle of the ball!)

When it comes time to update the companies that my client is not utilizing, I always rack my brain for the best ways to say "I'm just not that into you." I have found that there are a few ways of approaching it, which in reality are the same ways (I assume) to break up with someone:

1. Delaying the inevitable - It is pretty hard to tell a vendor that spent so much time putting together a proposal, that they are not getting my business (hehe, my business). So when they call to see where I am in my decision making process, I might say, "Um well, I am still weighing my options. But I will definitely update you once that is done." More often than not I am just giving myself some time to write a good regrets email or I might conveniently forget to update them. The dating equivalent is seeing someone you are dating with someone else, and they tell you, "Oh it's just a friend. Don't worry about it." Expect to get a Dear John/Jane letter shortly after.

2. Be totally blunt - Flat out tell the company that another vendor has given you a better offer. Or that the other company provide better services. The dating equivalent is saying "You're ok, but John Doe is a doctor and he drives a Lexus, so....."

3. Backburner them - Quickly let them know that you went with another company, but that you are keeping their information in your records for a later day. The dating equivalent:  "You are so great! I'm just not in the right place right now for a relationship." It's also kind of like the Friend Zone.

4. Blame someone else - This can easily be tied to obligations of a board of directors or the hotel venue. Sometimes you are just tied to a certain company, despite getting proposals from other companies. The dating equivalent would be to blame your parents, friends or even more easily: work.

5. Make them not want you - In the business world you can simply show that you might have the budget to pay for their services. Or you can show them that the cost for them to provide the services might outweigh any profit they might get. The dating equivalent would be "letting yourself go" or acting crazy/weird. You know... letting you be you.

Man...there is no good way to dump someone without being a total asshat!

They only bite you if they like you

*taps on microphone* Hello?....Is anyone there?....

Wow. I haven't updated this blog in over 17 months. Even then, I only did so sparingly.

I forget where exactly I heard it, on some TV/movie, but someone talked about having a blog, and their friend said, "What is it, 2002?" This made me laugh because, A) I never even log into this blog let along write/update it and B) I started a blog way after it was popular. Please don't blame me on my tardiness to the blog party. I live in the Midwest, which is notorious for getting into trends way past their expiration date.

I blame Facebook/Twitter for killing the blog. Why go into a long tirade about your thoughts and/or life when you can capture it in 140 characters of less? Part of me thinks it is the dumbing down of human existence. On the other hand I also think it forces individuals to be more thoughtful/witty/intelligent in shorter form.

Well, I'm fighting against the machine/the man/the whatever you want to call it. I'm going to make myself write down my thoughts on this, my old friend, peoplegoingtoheaven.blogspot.com. It will help me freshen up my writing skills, which I have found have been rapidly going downhill over the years. It will also help me dump the random thoughts I have running around in my head at all times of the day that I want to share with others (and by sharing with others, I mean my Mom who is probably the only one reading this...Hi Mom!).

Now on to the random title of this entry. This is a memory of my childhood that I have been recently thinking about. I was about 3-4 years old. I lived in a house on Alexander Court in Sheboygan. In our neighborhood there were two boys that were around the same age as my sister and I. They both had the same name, which I cannot recall right now (Brian?). One of them was a blonde, the other was a brunette/ginger. They liked playing with my sister and I, we liked playing with them. I remember in the mornings how they would wait for us outside of our house to come and play, while my sister and I sat peaking out of the window, in our underwear waiting for our Mom to get our clothes ready.

Anyway, I completely forget the circumstances that lead up to the situation but I do remember that the brunette/ginger one bit me on my back. Enough so that it left a welt on my back. Those that know me and my sensitive skin, it doesn't take much to leave marks on my body. Regardless, it was pretty traumatic in my little girl mind. I don't even recall how the situation was handled by my parents or by his parents. I don't think that my sister and I hung out with him much after that, but that might have been due to my family moving to another neighborhood, for unrelated reasons, shortly afterward.

Part of me thinks that my Mom probably explained to me that he only did that to me because he liked me and he didn't know how to deal with it, because that seems like something my Mom would do. Also, that explanation makes the most sense: People like to bite things they like! If I see an adorable baby with chubby cheeks, the first thing that runs through my mind is, "I want to bite those cheeks!"

Wait...you mean everyone doesn't have those thoughts? I blame the brunette/ginger "Brian" for ruining my appropriate reactions to things that I like. So to any future men that I might find attractive, if I bite you, don't worry! It is only because I like you so much!

Fashion Advice from a Hobo

I am well aware that I should not be dispensing any fashion advice or criticism. I have been told that I dress like a hobo (a cute hobo of course) and I still have and wear clothing items that I had in high school. (Sure, you think that its an accomplishment, having not gained any weight in 10+ years, but really it means that I was kind of big to start off). Regardless of this, I have two fashion complaints, that I just can't get my head around.

1. New-ish fashion trend - Feather hair extensions! - So it's probably not all that new, but remember I am from the Midwest, so trends tend to hit us about a decade later. I was completely oblivious to this trend even when it became popular in Milwaukee, until my friend pointed it out to me (big ups to Ember). Now I see it all of the time! Google Image it if you need to know what I am talking about. Not a fan. I do not understand why this is cool. It reminds me of Ke$ha, and whenever I think of her, I feel slightly dirty, and I am a fan of feeling clean.

2. White sweat socks with dress shoes. Why do guys do this? It irritates me. I feel for the guys that have foot issues (ew) so they get a pass. But those guys that have every else perfect. Nice shirt/pant combo. Everything looks nicely pressed. Hair/beard/nails are perfectly groomed. Then....bam!.....white sweat socks combined with the black/brown dress shoe. Its like their significant other/mom got them dressed but failed to think about the socks. Who knows what is going on with the underwear situation!

Once again I will highlight that I am currently dressed and coiffed like a hobo. I am clearly the one to judge.

I Love People Watching...Especially When Said People are Dancing!

My worked asked me to staff another client's Annual Meeting. Having never attended another clients' meeting, I agreed, hoping that I would learn a few additional tricks for my own client's meeting (how do they run their registration, exhibit hall, staffing, etc).

This particular client has attendees that are your typical science nerds (P.S. I LOVE Science Nerds). These particular nerds love their scientific sessions, and will not miss a nanosecond of the presentations. Their breaks between sessions are used for restroom breaks/refreshment pick ups and walking to the next rooms. At first, I was witnessing 0 minutes of networking/socializing in the hallways, which is completely different from the annual meetings I run....But then I saw the other spectrum of their personalities.

One particular thing that this meeting does, that my client's meeting does not do, is hold a Friday night party, with a cash bar, snacks and a live band. This year's band was an 80's cover band, who were really good! The attendees seemed to dig them as well, because about three quarters of the party people were up and dancing. They had formed a large dance circle. If they saw one person standing alone even slightly moving the upperhalf of their body, they grabbed that person and pulled them into the dance circle. It was an adorable sense of science nerd community. They danced like no one was watching or at least like they didn't care what they people watching were thinking (which was good for them, because I was on the sidelines giggling softly at the white-boy shuffles).

Normally you only get this type of action at weddings, but apparently you get them at conferences as well!

Weird People Like To Talk To Me

I have stated before that while waiting for/riding the bus I attempt to ward off random strangers from talking to me by wearing sunglasses, headphones and a mean-ass look on my face. It works 90% of the time. That 10% of the time that it doesn't work usually results in an event similar to this:

While walking to the bus stop after work, I saw a man on a bike (with baskets full of trash) talking to two terrified looking college-aged kids. I stood about 5 feet away with my back towards them. Part of me knew that I was next in line for conversation if I made eye contact and based on the looks of those kids, it wasn't the most fun conversation.

I quickly looked out the corner of my eye, to monitor the situation, I noticed "man-on-bike" was now dancing a gig in front of the still terrified kids and talking animatedly. Once he was done dancing, I saw the terrified-dude-college-kid hand over a cigarette to man-on-bike, as an apparent plea to leave them alone. After this my attention was fully focused in the opposite direction, still hoping the bus would come quickly before I was next.

Sometime had passed when I sensed a body very close to me. I turned slightly to my right to find the "man-on-bike" was about an inch away from being nose to nose to me. He was saying something to me, but because I had my ear buds in, I couldn't hear what he was saying. I removed the ear buds and said, "Yes?"

MoB: "Do you have a light" waves cigarette all up in my face
Me: "No, I don't smoke. Its bad for you."
MoB: unsarcastically "What!?! Oh yeah, I heard it causes cancer."
Me: "It can indeed do that."
MoB: "You're so smart."........"Kiss me!"
Me: "No. Uh-uh. Nope. Not going to happen."
MoB: dejected "Oh. Ok....Do you have a light?"
Me: "No. I still don't."
MoB: "You're smart!"

Then the bus arrived to save me from another request for a kiss.

All the Celebrities I Will See In My Life Have Been Seen In One Day This Past Weekend

While in Washington DC, I happened to stay in the same hotel that was holding the White House Correspondent's Dinner. Win! While I was not smart/fast enough to take photos, I can share a list of the celebrities along with a short story of my "interaction" (if any) with them.

Seth Meyers (started by my friend Ember shouting at him from my hotel room, followed by being within in 10 feet of him in the same elevator bank, followed by finding out that he was just two hotel rooms away from me.)
Ian Somerhalder
Chris Colfer
Heather Morris
Bradley Cooper (shorter than i would expect, but dare I say it...if possible the camera makes him uglier. The man is good looking and super nice to his fans who he went directly up to and hugged).
Carmello Anthony and his his Yaya (or is it Lala? I don't know, I just remember her being an MTV VJ).
Joan Rivers (to quote Ember, "She looks like a hot mess, but I love her.")
Selma Hayek (She was trying to go the direction where there were less gawkers, most likely due to the fact that she wasn't yet dressed up. She looked gorgeous either way. Ember and I spotted her. We loud whispered, "Selma!" She turned to look at us and waved).
Mila Kunis, who in real life looks like she weighs as much as my not quite 4-year old niece
Andy Samberg
Bill Hader
Chase Crawford
Matthew Morrison
Arianna Huffington - who I was standing with while waiting for an elevator the following morning. I kept on looking at her through the side of my eye, deciding whether or not it was her. I was so embarrassed at myself that I just decided to walk in the Executive Lounge to pick up a cup of coffee instead. As I walked away I heard her speak. Yep, it was her.
Norah O'Donnell
Janet Napolitano
Ben Bernake
Geraldo Rivera (when we saw him, he was smiling and waving to the crowd while he also appeared to be following a rather pissed-off looking younger blond. He kept on following her until he appeared to have disappeared, then he came back without her, but he was with..
Cee-lo Green - who really appears to love his fans (or maybe he just loves the attention).
Kevin Johnson (formally of the Suns, current Mayor of Sacramento)
Brian Williams - I waved excited to him and yelled, "Hi Brian!" He waved back and pointed behind him and said, "Matthews is behind me, but he is not that important." Side note: Brian Williams is missing three things to being the perfect man - 1. Being age appropriate. 2. Being single. 3. Being in real life.
Chris Matthews (he was behind Brian Williams, and not as important). His hair was a lot more Donald Trumpy than I expected. Speaking of....
Donald Trump - meh. Best thing about him was when someone from the crowd shouted at him, "Hey Donald, I have my birth certificate!"
Lance Armstrong
Anna Paquin
Steven Moyer (both he and Anna were also very gracious to their fans. Love!)
Jane Lynch
John Hamm and his partner (who is also an actress, but I cannot name a show she has been on)
Eric Handler
America Ferrera
Zach Galifanikas (did I spell that right?)
Jeremy Piven
Tim and Tyne Daly
Guy who plays Ken Cosgrove on Mad Men (who is also very handsome in real life).
David and Patricia Arquette
Amy Poehler
Fred Armisen
Jack Macbrayer
Colin Powel
Rosario Dawson (got a friendly wave from her)
Paula Abdul (who Ember pointed out appeared to not know how to navigate the driveway)
Rahm Emanuel (in a very business like manner, I asked if I could shake his hand, and he did)
Rashida Jones
Eliot Spitzer (I noticed many people keeping their distance from him. I wonder why)
Jason Sudeikis - I saw a car approaching him from behind, so I yelled "What out Jason, there's a car behind you!" He turned around to look, got out of the way, and turned to look at me and waved. We are now going to be married, and raised his illegitimate child with January Jones (that last part is all speculation).
Bill O'Reily
Dennis Miller
Will.I.am
Shawn White - The Flying Tomato
John Legend (who is also incredibly handsome in real life) Ember said hello to him as he exited the elevators and he acknowledged her by asking her how she was doing. She responded by turning as red as the The Flying Tomato's hair.
Paul Rudd - Awesome beard. Quite shorter than I would have imagined.
Gayle King - Had probably the longest conversation with her. She is really friendly and humble. No wonder Oprah love her.

I'm pretty sure I failed to mention a person here and there. But you get the point. I saw lots of people. And it was awesome.

I Practice My Flirting Skillzzzz with the TSA Agents

After my initial flight to Philadelphia got canceled and waiting four hours for my rescheduled flight, I decided that instead of being crabby I was going to think positive and keep a smile on my face. I was keeping the smile on my face as I was approaching the middle-to-older-aged TSA agent at the security check point. I handed him my boarding pass and ID. The following conversation went a little something like this:

TSA Agent: Now let me see here...(holds up photo id so its near my face). That can't be the same person. That's a pretty smiling face in front of me, and that face in the id is so stern.
Me: That's because the meanies at the DMV told me not to smile.
TSA Agent: I don't blame you. Who could smile there? Its built for anger.
Me: I know, right? You make me smile though!
TSA Agent: Aw! Have a nice day! (hands me my id and ticket)
Me: You too. (winks)

Yes, I winked! It just came out of me, and I couldn't help myself.

This is now the second TSA agent that has made my day in a span of less than a year! (The first TSA Agent told me I was easy on the eyes). So this makes me want to draw one of two possible conclusions:

1. TSA Agents are trained to compliment frazzled looking women.
2. Older men that work at airports just have a thing for me.

Mom Quote Win

Three Background Pieces of Information (for those that don't already know):

• My Dad is white
• My Mom is American Indian/Native American/Indigenous/Menominee/Fill-in-the-blank-that-makes-you-happiest
• My family is not shy about talking about social/political issues. Even when we know that we agree with the other person's stance, we still love to play devil's advocate and argue. The in-laws are still getting used to holiday gatherings full of heated debates

The last time I was home, my brother and I started to engage my father in a discussion about White Privilege and innate prejudice. My dad, rightfully so, thinks of himself as a progressive open minded individual. So he started to feel guilty and down in the dumps at the thought of being even slightly privileged or prejudiced. Trying to cheer up my father I tried once again to reassure my father that everyone has prejudiced thoughts, even those that claim that they can't because "they have black/gay/etc friends." My mom then chimed in with,

"It's okay honey. I know you married me because you loved me and not to prove you're not racist." Oh Mom!

Another Success Interaction with a Man!

As the weather gets colder, the bus ride home gets more crowded. Usually I end up standing in the aisle because every single seat is taken. I'm not one of those people that is shy about sitting next to a stranger, so I will sit next to anyone, even if it looks like my behind won't fit in the seat...even if it looks like that person will be smelly...I will at least try.

Today as I walked onto the bus I looked around and saw one open seat. I walked over to it only to realize that the guy that was sitting next to the empty seat had his backpack on it. I stood there for a little while, thinking he would have the common courtesy to move his bag on his lap. Then he looked at me. I smiled. He just looked away and didn't move his bag.

Defeated, I moved to stand near the back doors. Apparently my hobo-chic was not cute enough for him. But don't worry, I gave him the evil eye the entire ride home. Jerkface.

Remember That Time My Dad Was a Big Fat Liar?

So as a child, I was more than a little gullible. My Dad once told me that my Mom was Tina Turner. For some reason I was dumb enough to believe him. I mean... can you blame me...The resemblance was uncanny!

Here's another picture of "Tina" with the liar:
Love you Mom and Dad!

Only In Milwaukee's Trendy and Fashionable Eastside

I guess you could say I have experience my first attempted mugging...kinda, sorta. While walking to a bar to watch the Wisconsin game with some fellow Alumni this woman, who was walking towards me, suddenly stopped dead in her tracks and looked me straight in the eye.

I've seen her around the neighborhood often. She is a skinny woman who is about a head shorter than me. There is almost always a distinct urine odor when you walk past her, and she always has some kind of weird stain on the back of her pants. You definitely get the feeling that she might have a few screws loose.

Anyway, as I am about to walk past her, she suddenly shouts, "Hey! Afhsjdlsfh" Because I couldn't hear the second part, I turn around and said, "What?". As I did this I find her fumbling through her purse. She then pulls out a tiny pair of manicure scissors and starts swinging it at me, she says to me, "Give me your money!"
Now, this situation is actually kind of sad. And when it's not sad, it's kind of scary. But I couldn't help myself. I laughed! I replied, "Um..no," and turned to walk away.

Manicure Scissors Lady seemed very disappointed. Defeated almost. As she started to put her scissors back into her purse, I could hear her say almost under her breath, "Why didn't you give me your money?" Maybe it was her first attempted mugging too!

Next time, I will give her a dollar for the effort.

Campaign to Bring Back the VHS Tape

Today at work someone was talking about The Goonies and dared insinuated that I was too young to know the reference. I responded with something along the lines of, "That was a regular VHS rental from the Video Store for my family. Take that for dated!"

This got me to thinking, how superior the VHS (and come to think of it the cassette) tape is to the DVD (or CDs). Anyone with a child, or are themselves carelessly destructive with discs, can attest to this. I regularly get interrupted with jumped or frozen frames whenever I attempt to watch a movie with my niece or nephew (much thanks to them taking out/replacing the DVD themselves). VHS tapes were indestructible in comparison. Sure, you don't get to skip to and from scenes effortless and you don't get all of those special features, but INDESTRUCTIBLE! (No one watches those Special Features anyway).

However, even DVDs and CDs are dated now, what with electronic files. How n00bish of me to even write this rate (Did I use that term correctly? I think I need to lose my geek card.)

P.S. All this nostalgia got me to thinking of other dated entertainment products. Anyone remember those old school cable boxes? The one with the slider-thingy to get to the channels? No? Well, while Googling "Old School Cable Boxes" I found this:
Remember now? Ah childhood memories. Now I am off to watch my NKOTB concert VHS tape, but not before I rock out to my Ace of Base cassette tape.

What Not To Do When Cute Guy Talks To You On Bus

So, of course these examples are pure fiction. None of these things happened to a particularly awkward 27 year old woman living and working in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

• So upon entering the bus, you select a seat next to an attractive, age appropriate guy. Kudos! Nice seat selection.
• You feel said guy turn to look directly at you every few seconds. You discretely start to wipe your nose/mouth/face because that would be the only reason he is looking at you...There is probably a booger hanging out there somewhere. Negative kudos.
• Finally you turn to look at him to realize that he is saying something to you. Your sunglasses and cleverly hidden ear bugs (masked even more by your long hair) don't notice this. Negative kudos.
• You remove your ear buds and sun glasses to be an "active listener" to what this seemly nice guy has to say. Kudos!
• The guy starts to ask you about the tray of cupcakes on your lap, about baking, about your work, bosses. Each question he asks is directly related to the answer you just gave and he is smiling pleasantly with each question. He's a great conversationalist. You reciprocate by giving short answers, not asking any questions in return and making a face that is not to far from this:
  

If the look could have a name, it would be titled: "Why are you talking to me? What's your deal? No, seriously...WTF?"

• So after the guy is done asking you questions he gives you one final smile, still not turning away, almost waiting to give you a final chance to be an actual participant in the conversation. You put your sunglasses back on, headphones back in the ears and turn to face the front of the bus...*facepalm*.
• You continue on in silence, awkwardly sitting next to this guy for 10 minutes until your stop comes up. You get up and leave without smiling or saying goodbye. Negative kudos.
  

Obvs...I'm way good at talking to good looking guys. Err... I mean this fictional lady is...

Please Allow Me To Have a Reality Show Rant

Anyone that knows me, me knows that I shamelessly love me some reality show television. And I am not talking everyone-talks-about-it-the-next-day reality shows like American Idol or America's Got Talent. No, I'm talking about those random reality shows you find on CW. Take for example the new show called Plain Jane. After one episode, I have decided I am going to both love to hate AND hate to love this show. Where to start on the hate...

• First of all, I hate the show's definition of a "Plain Jane". Wear glasses? Don't wear heals? Don't wear make-up? Goofy? Got curly hair? Yup...your plain. We better put contacts in, straighten your hair, put make-up on and make an already adorably cute girl look like an extra from The Hills. (To be fair, they do look good afterward, but that sort of like putting a puppy in the hands of a monkey...making a cute situation even more cute).
• The situations they put these girls in to learn how to flirt. Even good flirts couldn't pull that off. And the results are just SO PAINFUL to watch that my secondhand embarrassment leaves me feeling nauseous. I resort to talking to myself, such as, "I sincerely hope she stops touching that guys arm. He looks super creeped out." What they are teaching these girls to do is to be that creepy guy at the bar that makes you roll your eyes at his tired lines.
• The results is always because of some guy. She is getting made over for a guy. They try hard to work in the "Oh but look at how confident she is now!" but really, its about the guy. Makes for excellent TV, but me and my feminist soapbox say that if a girl would like to change her appearance, it should be because she wants to do it for herself, and not because boys will like her better.
• The last complaint, is a complaint to any reality show in which the ending is the revelation of a crush. Of course more times than not the object of affection is going to be reciprocal of the feelings! They don't want to look like the bad guy. Just dump them a few months after the "follow-up" taping.
  
• The scenes from next week's episode...I don't even see any plain in this girl. She looks at most like she isn't wearing make-up. Oh, but she did say she didn't like girly stuff. Total Plain Jane. At least the girl from the episode had red hair, glasses, freckles and kind of came off as slightly awkward.
  

Who am I kidding, I just straight up hate this show. But since I love hating things, I love second hand embarrassment and I need to brush up on my creepy flirting skills, I will totally be watching this again.

P.S. I'm pretty sure I need to get a life!

"And this is a HUMAN dress!" Why I may have the weirdest/awesomest nieces and nephews in the world!

That quote in the subject line is an original from my niece Lainie, when showing me her little sister's dress. I guess she was trying to distinguish it from... a dog's dress?

This is Lainie. She is almost three. She is awesome because:

If you ask her who her favorite Ghostbuster is, she will tell you "Peter Venkman."

She has recently REALLY gotten into watching 3 Ninjas.

When I showed her how to make a heart shape with your hands, she said, "He ate my heart. He a.a.ate my heart."

While looking at a book of animals together I pointed to what I thought was a hamster and she correctly told me that it was a chinchilla.

Almost every time i go to visit her she is wearing a new costume as an everyday outfit...a tutu, a Super Girl costume, one of many Disney princesses' dresses. One time she wasn't wearing a "dress-up" outfit, but it was a weird combination of mismatched separates. When I brought it up to my sister, she informed me that Lainie dressed herself. She has the same style sense when it comes to dressing her dolls. Its all about the layers and clashing patterns/colors.

And, of course, one of the main reasons I love her dearly, is when my mom did her hair to match mine. She looked in the mirror and said, "I look beautiful! I look like Auntie Hollie!" Did I mention that she is one smart cookie?

This is my nephew Ian. He is awesome because:

He has just turned two years old and he is already the size of an average 3.5 year old. Currently I am trying to perfect lifting him up without grunting loudly. Its a challenge, because he's a big boy (to put it not so lightly).

He is so fair (both skin and hair) that he is almost translucent. Its kind of funny to see him in my mom's (who is visibly not white) arms. Its such a contrast but you can see in their interactions with each other that they are clearly grandma (or rather gaga) and grandson.

When he is super excited to see me, he runs in place and then takes off into my arms.

He can sit through 9 innings of a Brewers game without whining!

Ian is an "intense" lover. When he hugs you, he wraps both arms fully around your head or neck and then attempts to squeeze the life out of you. Its pretty impressive that a kid that age and stature has that much strength. You can also see just a tiny amount of fear in his cousins' eyes when he goes in for a hug.

His lovey-dovey-ness also extends to ear rubbing. Apparently he treats everyone like a puppy with big flappy ears that need to be rubbed.

He is also a little bit of a food-swipper. It started at an early age. He was just old enough to walk when he first approached my plate, which I placed on the coffee table, and stole my pizza slice. From the point on whenever I was eating in front of him, it was almost a given that I had to share (he usually indicated this by walking up to me with his mouth open).

That habit has almost died out, but old habits sometimes die hard. When I recently came home from a work trip I was showing by brother my fancy box of chocolates I received as a gift for a job well done. Before I could stop him, Ian took one of those expensive chocolates and stuffed it in his face. Since it was a variety box, I read the description of the stolen chocolate and realized it was flavored with cognac. Ah the refined taste of a two year old.

Then there are the two most recent additions. Lucy:


and Gabriel:
They are babies, so I can't say much about their personalities. I can say that each one of them has already spit up on me within the two months of their existence. But aren't they cute?

Hopefully they will be as quirky as their brother and sister. I also hope that all of my nieces and nephews don't lose their "weirdness" because they are trying to fit in with the other kids. I won't have any stories to tell then!

In case you were asking yourself, "I wonder who took these wonderful photos?!?" Well look no further than LightFALLING Photography by Rachel Droppers. She is great!

Mason Jars...the bane of my existence

This wonderful (totally not being sarcastic here) woman sits kitty-corner from my cubicle. She is nice, friendly, outgoing and seems very intelligent from what I know about her. When I walk into the office in the morning she greets me and then politely asks me what I'm listening to on my mp3 player. She lets me know when shes brewing more coffee. She must notice me getting up every other hour for more. So why must she annoy me so?

Ok...ok. She doesn't annoy me. With age I have grown to understand that people don't annoy me, but situation/things annoy me. For example, her mason jars annoy me.

Like clockwork, everyday around 3pm, she whips out her metal spoon and mason jar of homemade yogurt. I want to find it charming. She needs an energy boost! And who doesn't need one at that time of day? She's being environmental! All the yogurt she's making herself and eating out of mason jars....why she probably saved a football field's worth of the city dump.

I should explain that my office is the quietest place that every existed. Any noise is amplified by the black hole that is the quiet of the office. That being said...the noise that those mason jars make when there is little-to-no yogurt left...it's right up there with Styrofoam rubbing together (which is my fingernails on a chalkboard). The clanking of the spoon against the jar..CLANKCLANK....CLANKCLANKCLANK..CLANK. I just want to let her know "It's gone. Leave it alone." In the nicest way possible of course.

There is a rule that we are not suppose to have any food with strong odor in our cubicle. I think there should also be a rule about no loud food at the cubicles, which would include loud containers/utensils.

Views From My Cubicle

I haven't updated this blog in a while for a couple of reasons:

• Who blogs anymore when you can make minute by minute updates in a 140 character limit?
• Up until a month ago I had a computer that was 8 years old. Looking at it made me sad so I avoided touching it.
• I didn't have the internet to work my dinosaur computer (blame it on me being cheap and lazy, but a job promotion has made both a new laptop and internet necessary).
• There is nothing to really blog about...unless you don't mind hearing about family and work. Interesting to me, but boring to everyone else.

Because I feel the need to post something and like I said in the last bullet point, all I talk about is work, please enjoy a montage I have title "Views From My Cubicle":

Some outdated pictures of my niece and nephew (Nice! I just made this a work AND family post).

People either get the reference or think I am both confused and conceited.

Yet another example of the mature and responsible woman I become.

This is my work station's H1N1's Prevention Station - provided by my employer. I haven't used either in months.

A plant that my old co-worker left in my care. Besides a rare shared drink from my water bottle I haven't touched it - as is evidence by the depleting soil and note that was left with the plant. Its still alive - kinda.

And finally, an actual view of downtown Milwaukee..from my cubicle.