Let's Get One Thing Clear

Just because I don't eat red meat, does not mean I am a vegetarian. I still eat chicken. Occasionally I will eat pork. And I am growing to like fish. I think this qualifies me as a carnivorous.

Also, the reason I don't eat red meat, has nothing to do with the "inhumane" way that cows are treated and slaughtered. Like I said, I eat chicken, and they are treated way worse than cows.

The truth is...I just don't like the taste of beef. I started to not eat beef, around my freshman year of college. I used the excuse of "mad cow disease" but in reality, I just didn't want to eat red meat anymore. I felt weird telling people that, so I thought a phobia to a disease that would waste my brain away sounded more convincing then to a sudden distaste for red meat. Don't question, it made sense in my head at the time.

Sucks for my family who before my decision to cut out red meat, was a beef loving family. Now, whenever I come home and eat dinner with my family, my parents have to cook something with chicken or make a smaller portion of the meal sans the beef. An example would be my mom's chili. This reminds me of a funny story:

So as I said, my mom started to change her cooking habits once I went non-beef (hee, every time I write that it looks like I am talking about turning into a lesbian). One weekend I went home and my mom decided to make chili and fry bread for dinner. She gave me my bowl and told me she made a separate batch for me. I started to eat when I realized there were little chunks of beef in it. I showed my mom and asked her if she was sure she didn't give me the wrong bowl. She said no an showed me the tiny pot she made for me and said she put the chili con carne in it and showed me the can she used. This is when I said, "Mom, 'con carne' means 'with meat.'" My mom's reaction was basically along the lines of, "D'oh."

If you're reading this mom, don't worry, I will share some of my airhead moments later.

Sometimes, other people's lives are amusing...

I heard two stories recently that I found cute and funny:

Number 1:

The characters: My sister and her husband.
The setting: Acapulco, on their honeymoon.
Quick back story: My sister always used to be able to stick her stomach out pretty far and used to do so (while saying "I'm pregnant!") to make people laugh. Also, my sister found out a few weeks before her wedding that she was pregnant (That's right bitches, I am going to be an Auntie and my sister is a sinner who does "it" before she is married, heh).
The story: My sister and her husband, while on vacation tried to speak Spanish, especially when necessary. I'm thinking this happened when they were alone in their hotel room, but my sister did her normal sticking out her stomach thing for her husband. He just looked at her and said, "MUCHAS PREGUNTAS!" My sister giggled and said, "You just said, 'Many Questions!'" I can't wait until she starts to really show. I am going to be saying that to her all the time.

Number 2 (heard while at a baby shower for a friend):

The characters: The host of the party (friend to my friend who is having the baby) and her now husband.
The setting: Unknown, but during the proposal.
Quick back story: They don't know much about wedding/engagement traditions.
The story: He said to her, "Megan, will you marry me?" She said, "Yeah!" He slipped the ring on her finger. Then he said, "Do me! Do me!," while holding out his left hand, ring finger extended. She said, "Ok! Shawn, will you marry me?" He said yes and she slipped on his ring. Few weeks later, a co-worker saw his ring and said, "You know YOU aren't suppose to wear the ring until AFTER the wedding, right?" And he said, "But she gets to wear her's!" Dude, that is the third guy this year I have heard that was super excited to wear the wedding ring. How adorable.

"I'm not going to marry and have kids." "Sure...Yeah...Mmmhmm."

People don't believe me when I say that not only do I not see myself getting married and having kids, but I don't want to either. I don't see the point. Perhaps it is the part of me that fears commitment. Just not a fan. I won't go into detail because my reasons are boring and 90% of people disagree with them.

But there is a small list of famous people that I would willingly give up my devotion to Old Maidhood. Here is my list I can think of right now:

Comedian Demetri Martin. He's funny. He's Greek. He's cute. He is sometimes all three at the same time.
Actor Adam Beach. He's handsome and he's Native. Finally I would do something my mom would approve. I just re-read that last sentence and found an entirely new funny meaning.
Actor George Clooney. Seems like the biggest douchebag and yet sometimes arrogance is hot. Sometimes, I loathe myself but then I remember, that other people love him too. Like the ladies at Go Fug Yourself.

My cousin Brandon (ringbearer) looks like he is ready to kick some ass. My cousin Emily (flower girl) is just being cute.












Here is a picture of my sister and our grandpa. He was looking quite snazzy. When my mom saw him she was all..."Ooooo, Johnny Cash!"

























I think someone did not listen to the Pastor's instructions to look at the bride and groom during the ceremony. Tsk tsk.











I have a giant and a hippie for brothers (middle and last one on right respectively).

Oh yes its ladies night, and the feeling right

Wednesday nights apparently are "Ladies Night" at a bar that is down the street from where I live. Girls get three tokens good for three Miller or Rail drinks (please tip your bartender). Since I am poor and love me some free anything (especially alcohol) I was all about going out on a weekday when my friend called me.

Upon entering the establishment we were approached by a very nice looking young man. I wasn't paying attention to what he was saying because I was on my phone with my sister but I heard him say something about getting free beer, making it a total of five free drinks. When I came back I was informed he was the Bud/Michelob guy giving away free beer. Bonus! Now I don't like Bud, but as I stated before, I like free stuff. Especially free stuff from cute boys. Hell, I will take a free beer from an not-so-cute boy and engage in a small discussion before I....Oh look there's my friend *hurried run*

Normally in situations like this, the beer guy/girl walks away to get to the next person but this guy stayed right with us. Even through awkward silences where all of us didn't know what to say. I (an another girl that was with me and my friend) noticed that the Beer Guy kept on eyeing up my friend. So I actually got embarrassed for her (cute guy staring at you and you being completely oblivious to it), because I am always embarrassed for other people in this situation. I don't know why. I just am.

He ended up talking with our group the entire time he was there before he moved on to another bar in the area. This is when everyone informed my friend about Beer Guy sneaking a peek at her. Her reaction was along the line of "WTF? No. Really? Why oh why am I such a loser in these situations?" So what did our group do? Instead of cashing in on our free tokens, we totally went to the bar that the Beer Guy was at (which he just so happened to casually mention he was going to) because we are stalkers.

He noticed immediately that we were there and proceeded to give us more free beer. But because she was playing a game of darts, my friend didn't chat him up. Later I was giving her some good and corny lines to use on him. "So, is it a requirement to be really good looking for his job?"..."So when do you find time for yourself (or date)?" But she was not having it. Oh well, but he did end up with her number, because some two girls may have approached him about a cojoneless friend they had that wanted to give him her number. Boy blushes and takes number.

I must say, in conclusion, how impressed I am with Milwaukee in providing their quality Beer/liquor promo guys. They are always really really redonkulously good looking men that are very friendly AND give you free booze. What can get better than that? In Madison, they always had girls. Boo! But I would still take the free beer.

Happy Indigenous Peoples Day

To some of you, today is Columbus Day. To those of us who chose not to celebrate an individual who:

A) Did not discover a land that was already inhabited by civilized groups of people and was already visited by other European people.
B) Was in charge of the genocide (both intentional by murder and "unintentional" by disease) of millions of Taino "Indians".
C) Just in general a bad example of a decent human being.

Instead celebrate a day of the survival and revitalization of Indigenous people in the face of years of oppression and discrimination.

A Bet I Lost

I went out Saturday night with my friends CM and Danielle. We started out at a bar called Bryant's, which I have always wanted to go to, but always ended up not being able to attend. Anyway that bar is cool, very laid back and had nice strong drinks.

Later on we went to this other bar because we thought we would run into some of Danielle's dental school friends, who we never ran into. This bar is the yuppiest bar that ever yuppied. I felt underdressed.

Anyway, it was here that Danielle told me that I was mean, or at least being mean that night. It is almost as if she had never gone out with me before. That is what I do. I set there with beer in hand while I make fun of everyone in eye sight (not to their face, because I am not that mean). A real world example of what I say:

"That dude is totally wearing a Cosby sweater."~~~This is mild in comparison to what I say.

Danielle made a bet with me that I could not go without saying something bad for 30 minutes. I was doing really good, partially because I was talking about how I wanted to go over and touch this one guys hair, because it was so pretty. He was rocking the hair that the guy from Heroes has. Mmmm, Professor Sex.

Then, a short man went walking past me (and if memory serves me, he was wearing a fug shirt too). I just let it slip. "That guy was tiny." I gave an "Oh shit!" face before CM told me she noticed him to but was going to wait for me to say something. I had to say 5 nice thing about people to pay Danielle back. Let me tell you, that is hard when you are in a bar full of douchebags.

Showing off my photoshopping skillzzzzzz

After/Before

Seriously, the armpit fat was kind of scaring me. So I fixed it. Am I good? Ok, ok. I tried. I also realized that the picture looks weird because it looks like my cousin is about to stick her hand down my cleavage. I don't know what she thinks she will find down there besides some tissue i stored incase my nose started to leak from the cold I was just about to get (and now have).

Wedding Day Stuff

So my sister's wedding went off beautifully. The night before, my mother rented out a suite in a hotel so that my sister, myself and three other bridesmaids could spend the night, and have a large enough space to get ready in the morning (there was no real bridal suite at the place of the ceremony...just a tiny tent). I had no idea we were staying at a hotel so I didn't pack my swim suit to go into the whirlpool, oh well. The suite had a king sized bed and a pull out couch. I shared the king bed with my sister and cousin (who is 8 and was the Jr. Bridesmaid and wasn't originally in the plans to spend the night, but she wanted to hang out with the big girls). Luckily the bed was big enough for us so we could all be comfortable without getting into each other's business. However, I woke up in the middle of the night to find my little cousin's arm partially wrapped around me. Apparently she usually sleeps in the same bed as her mom.

In the morning, we spent about 3 and a half hours getting hair and make up at the salon the groom's sister works at. Surprisingly, I didn't come out looking like a clown, much like I expected. We got back to the hotel to change. I had my mom help me into the corset and dress, which I fit into, much to my surprise. We didn't have much time to hang out because we had to make our way to the ceremony/reception area.

The weather was perfect (too sunny for the photographer, but who cares). I didn't cry, only time I felt like crying was from being nervous with so many people looking at me while I walked down the aisle. The flowergirl, even after I reminded her right before I left down the aisle, did not drop any flowers, except for one single petal right at the end.

The pastor made more religious references that I expected (or from what my sister said there would be ). But what do I expect from a man whose job it is to talk about God. I giggled a little when my sister started to weep while reciting her vows. Yes, I am an asshole.

I was also giggling because the flowergirl, who is also my cousin, kept on waving at people in the audience. Then she would turn and look at me and poke me in the legs and poke her sister (the Jr. Bridesmaid) in the back. One time a plane flew over, and she, in a some what loud voice, said to me, "A Plane!" She started to pick up petals that were blowing out of her basket during the ceremony, and last...right before she was walking back up the aisle, she took a header to the ground. In the process she dumped most of her petals. She stayed down for a few seconds, pondering whether or not to cry, when I helped her up and told her it was ok and to go quick. Overall, she almost stole the show. (Notice in the picture my armpit fat is folding over...yeah, did I mention I barely fit in that dress?)

The time between the ceremony and dinner was when the photographer took pictures of the bridal party, and the guest had a champagne hour. For the kids, my sister rented a cotton candy machine. Oh, but that didn't stop the adults from partaking in on the fun. It was very much my sister. One cousin on my dad's side, while eating his cotton candy, stated, "This is the best wedding ever!"

My maid of honor toast went well. I told the story about how my sister and the groom went to high school together but never interacted really, until they met again at a bar (heh) where she approached him (this is where my sister goes, "Nuh-uh, I was talking to random people and he just so happened to be there). Whatever. She liked what she saw, so she went ahead to go get it, and more power to her!

After toasts the ran a slideshow of pictures of the two of them (separately and together). They played some good songs while showing them, like "God Only Knows," by the Beach Boys...I love that song. There were some embarrassing pictures of my sister "modeling" as a pre-teen and there was one of me dressed up as an "Indian" as a kid....Boy, I don't know what I or my mom were thinking. The dinner itself was kind of meh to me. It might be that I didn't really eat a lot of it to care, but how could I eat when I felt like if I put anything into my body my dress would rip apart.

The rest of the night was filled with dancing, chatting, drinking (unfortunately, not by me) and more dancing, oh yeah and Crabby Reception Hall Owners who yell at Maid of Honors for trying to help clean up. Crabby old hag.

My sister and her hubby are now in Acapulco on their honeymoon and all I have left from the wedding are bruises left over from where my corset was rubbing against my love handles (or what I like to call "sex fat"). Good Times.