Mom Quote Win

Three Background Pieces of Information (for those that don't already know):

• My Dad is white
• My Mom is American Indian/Native American/Indigenous/Menominee/Fill-in-the-blank-that-makes-you-happiest
• My family is not shy about talking about social/political issues. Even when we know that we agree with the other person's stance, we still love to play devil's advocate and argue. The in-laws are still getting used to holiday gatherings full of heated debates

The last time I was home, my brother and I started to engage my father in a discussion about White Privilege and innate prejudice. My dad, rightfully so, thinks of himself as a progressive open minded individual. So he started to feel guilty and down in the dumps at the thought of being even slightly privileged or prejudiced. Trying to cheer up my father I tried once again to reassure my father that everyone has prejudiced thoughts, even those that claim that they can't because "they have black/gay/etc friends." My mom then chimed in with,

"It's okay honey. I know you married me because you loved me and not to prove you're not racist." Oh Mom!

Another Success Interaction with a Man!

As the weather gets colder, the bus ride home gets more crowded. Usually I end up standing in the aisle because every single seat is taken. I'm not one of those people that is shy about sitting next to a stranger, so I will sit next to anyone, even if it looks like my behind won't fit in the seat...even if it looks like that person will be smelly...I will at least try.

Today as I walked onto the bus I looked around and saw one open seat. I walked over to it only to realize that the guy that was sitting next to the empty seat had his backpack on it. I stood there for a little while, thinking he would have the common courtesy to move his bag on his lap. Then he looked at me. I smiled. He just looked away and didn't move his bag.

Defeated, I moved to stand near the back doors. Apparently my hobo-chic was not cute enough for him. But don't worry, I gave him the evil eye the entire ride home. Jerkface.

Remember That Time My Dad Was a Big Fat Liar?

So as a child, I was more than a little gullible. My Dad once told me that my Mom was Tina Turner. For some reason I was dumb enough to believe him. I mean... can you blame me...The resemblance was uncanny!

Here's another picture of "Tina" with the liar:
Love you Mom and Dad!

Only In Milwaukee's Trendy and Fashionable Eastside

I guess you could say I have experience my first attempted mugging...kinda, sorta. While walking to a bar to watch the Wisconsin game with some fellow Alumni this woman, who was walking towards me, suddenly stopped dead in her tracks and looked me straight in the eye.

I've seen her around the neighborhood often. She is a skinny woman who is about a head shorter than me. There is almost always a distinct urine odor when you walk past her, and she always has some kind of weird stain on the back of her pants. You definitely get the feeling that she might have a few screws loose.

Anyway, as I am about to walk past her, she suddenly shouts, "Hey! Afhsjdlsfh" Because I couldn't hear the second part, I turn around and said, "What?". As I did this I find her fumbling through her purse. She then pulls out a tiny pair of manicure scissors and starts swinging it at me, she says to me, "Give me your money!"
Now, this situation is actually kind of sad. And when it's not sad, it's kind of scary. But I couldn't help myself. I laughed! I replied, "Um..no," and turned to walk away.

Manicure Scissors Lady seemed very disappointed. Defeated almost. As she started to put her scissors back into her purse, I could hear her say almost under her breath, "Why didn't you give me your money?" Maybe it was her first attempted mugging too!

Next time, I will give her a dollar for the effort.

Campaign to Bring Back the VHS Tape

Today at work someone was talking about The Goonies and dared insinuated that I was too young to know the reference. I responded with something along the lines of, "That was a regular VHS rental from the Video Store for my family. Take that for dated!"

This got me to thinking, how superior the VHS (and come to think of it the cassette) tape is to the DVD (or CDs). Anyone with a child, or are themselves carelessly destructive with discs, can attest to this. I regularly get interrupted with jumped or frozen frames whenever I attempt to watch a movie with my niece or nephew (much thanks to them taking out/replacing the DVD themselves). VHS tapes were indestructible in comparison. Sure, you don't get to skip to and from scenes effortless and you don't get all of those special features, but INDESTRUCTIBLE! (No one watches those Special Features anyway).

However, even DVDs and CDs are dated now, what with electronic files. How n00bish of me to even write this rate (Did I use that term correctly? I think I need to lose my geek card.)

P.S. All this nostalgia got me to thinking of other dated entertainment products. Anyone remember those old school cable boxes? The one with the slider-thingy to get to the channels? No? Well, while Googling "Old School Cable Boxes" I found this:
Remember now? Ah childhood memories. Now I am off to watch my NKOTB concert VHS tape, but not before I rock out to my Ace of Base cassette tape.

What Not To Do When Cute Guy Talks To You On Bus

So, of course these examples are pure fiction. None of these things happened to a particularly awkward 27 year old woman living and working in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

• So upon entering the bus, you select a seat next to an attractive, age appropriate guy. Kudos! Nice seat selection.
• You feel said guy turn to look directly at you every few seconds. You discretely start to wipe your nose/mouth/face because that would be the only reason he is looking at you...There is probably a booger hanging out there somewhere. Negative kudos.
• Finally you turn to look at him to realize that he is saying something to you. Your sunglasses and cleverly hidden ear bugs (masked even more by your long hair) don't notice this. Negative kudos.
• You remove your ear buds and sun glasses to be an "active listener" to what this seemly nice guy has to say. Kudos!
• The guy starts to ask you about the tray of cupcakes on your lap, about baking, about your work, bosses. Each question he asks is directly related to the answer you just gave and he is smiling pleasantly with each question. He's a great conversationalist. You reciprocate by giving short answers, not asking any questions in return and making a face that is not to far from this:
  

If the look could have a name, it would be titled: "Why are you talking to me? What's your deal? No, seriously...WTF?"

• So after the guy is done asking you questions he gives you one final smile, still not turning away, almost waiting to give you a final chance to be an actual participant in the conversation. You put your sunglasses back on, headphones back in the ears and turn to face the front of the bus...*facepalm*.
• You continue on in silence, awkwardly sitting next to this guy for 10 minutes until your stop comes up. You get up and leave without smiling or saying goodbye. Negative kudos.
  

Obvs...I'm way good at talking to good looking guys. Err... I mean this fictional lady is...

Please Allow Me To Have a Reality Show Rant

Anyone that knows me, me knows that I shamelessly love me some reality show television. And I am not talking everyone-talks-about-it-the-next-day reality shows like American Idol or America's Got Talent. No, I'm talking about those random reality shows you find on CW. Take for example the new show called Plain Jane. After one episode, I have decided I am going to both love to hate AND hate to love this show. Where to start on the hate...

• First of all, I hate the show's definition of a "Plain Jane". Wear glasses? Don't wear heals? Don't wear make-up? Goofy? Got curly hair? Yup...your plain. We better put contacts in, straighten your hair, put make-up on and make an already adorably cute girl look like an extra from The Hills. (To be fair, they do look good afterward, but that sort of like putting a puppy in the hands of a monkey...making a cute situation even more cute).
• The situations they put these girls in to learn how to flirt. Even good flirts couldn't pull that off. And the results are just SO PAINFUL to watch that my secondhand embarrassment leaves me feeling nauseous. I resort to talking to myself, such as, "I sincerely hope she stops touching that guys arm. He looks super creeped out." What they are teaching these girls to do is to be that creepy guy at the bar that makes you roll your eyes at his tired lines.
• The results is always because of some guy. She is getting made over for a guy. They try hard to work in the "Oh but look at how confident she is now!" but really, its about the guy. Makes for excellent TV, but me and my feminist soapbox say that if a girl would like to change her appearance, it should be because she wants to do it for herself, and not because boys will like her better.
• The last complaint, is a complaint to any reality show in which the ending is the revelation of a crush. Of course more times than not the object of affection is going to be reciprocal of the feelings! They don't want to look like the bad guy. Just dump them a few months after the "follow-up" taping.
  
• The scenes from next week's episode...I don't even see any plain in this girl. She looks at most like she isn't wearing make-up. Oh, but she did say she didn't like girly stuff. Total Plain Jane. At least the girl from the episode had red hair, glasses, freckles and kind of came off as slightly awkward.
  

Who am I kidding, I just straight up hate this show. But since I love hating things, I love second hand embarrassment and I need to brush up on my creepy flirting skills, I will totally be watching this again.

P.S. I'm pretty sure I need to get a life!

"And this is a HUMAN dress!" Why I may have the weirdest/awesomest nieces and nephews in the world!

That quote in the subject line is an original from my niece Lainie, when showing me her little sister's dress. I guess she was trying to distinguish it from... a dog's dress?

This is Lainie. She is almost three. She is awesome because:

If you ask her who her favorite Ghostbuster is, she will tell you "Peter Venkman."

She has recently REALLY gotten into watching 3 Ninjas.

When I showed her how to make a heart shape with your hands, she said, "He ate my heart. He a.a.ate my heart."

While looking at a book of animals together I pointed to what I thought was a hamster and she correctly told me that it was a chinchilla.

Almost every time i go to visit her she is wearing a new costume as an everyday outfit...a tutu, a Super Girl costume, one of many Disney princesses' dresses. One time she wasn't wearing a "dress-up" outfit, but it was a weird combination of mismatched separates. When I brought it up to my sister, she informed me that Lainie dressed herself. She has the same style sense when it comes to dressing her dolls. Its all about the layers and clashing patterns/colors.

And, of course, one of the main reasons I love her dearly, is when my mom did her hair to match mine. She looked in the mirror and said, "I look beautiful! I look like Auntie Hollie!" Did I mention that she is one smart cookie?

This is my nephew Ian. He is awesome because:

He has just turned two years old and he is already the size of an average 3.5 year old. Currently I am trying to perfect lifting him up without grunting loudly. Its a challenge, because he's a big boy (to put it not so lightly).

He is so fair (both skin and hair) that he is almost translucent. Its kind of funny to see him in my mom's (who is visibly not white) arms. Its such a contrast but you can see in their interactions with each other that they are clearly grandma (or rather gaga) and grandson.

When he is super excited to see me, he runs in place and then takes off into my arms.

He can sit through 9 innings of a Brewers game without whining!

Ian is an "intense" lover. When he hugs you, he wraps both arms fully around your head or neck and then attempts to squeeze the life out of you. Its pretty impressive that a kid that age and stature has that much strength. You can also see just a tiny amount of fear in his cousins' eyes when he goes in for a hug.

His lovey-dovey-ness also extends to ear rubbing. Apparently he treats everyone like a puppy with big flappy ears that need to be rubbed.

He is also a little bit of a food-swipper. It started at an early age. He was just old enough to walk when he first approached my plate, which I placed on the coffee table, and stole my pizza slice. From the point on whenever I was eating in front of him, it was almost a given that I had to share (he usually indicated this by walking up to me with his mouth open).

That habit has almost died out, but old habits sometimes die hard. When I recently came home from a work trip I was showing by brother my fancy box of chocolates I received as a gift for a job well done. Before I could stop him, Ian took one of those expensive chocolates and stuffed it in his face. Since it was a variety box, I read the description of the stolen chocolate and realized it was flavored with cognac. Ah the refined taste of a two year old.

Then there are the two most recent additions. Lucy:


and Gabriel:
They are babies, so I can't say much about their personalities. I can say that each one of them has already spit up on me within the two months of their existence. But aren't they cute?

Hopefully they will be as quirky as their brother and sister. I also hope that all of my nieces and nephews don't lose their "weirdness" because they are trying to fit in with the other kids. I won't have any stories to tell then!

In case you were asking yourself, "I wonder who took these wonderful photos?!?" Well look no further than LightFALLING Photography by Rachel Droppers. She is great!

Mason Jars...the bane of my existence

This wonderful (totally not being sarcastic here) woman sits kitty-corner from my cubicle. She is nice, friendly, outgoing and seems very intelligent from what I know about her. When I walk into the office in the morning she greets me and then politely asks me what I'm listening to on my mp3 player. She lets me know when shes brewing more coffee. She must notice me getting up every other hour for more. So why must she annoy me so?

Ok...ok. She doesn't annoy me. With age I have grown to understand that people don't annoy me, but situation/things annoy me. For example, her mason jars annoy me.

Like clockwork, everyday around 3pm, she whips out her metal spoon and mason jar of homemade yogurt. I want to find it charming. She needs an energy boost! And who doesn't need one at that time of day? She's being environmental! All the yogurt she's making herself and eating out of mason jars....why she probably saved a football field's worth of the city dump.

I should explain that my office is the quietest place that every existed. Any noise is amplified by the black hole that is the quiet of the office. That being said...the noise that those mason jars make when there is little-to-no yogurt left...it's right up there with Styrofoam rubbing together (which is my fingernails on a chalkboard). The clanking of the spoon against the jar..CLANKCLANK....CLANKCLANKCLANK..CLANK. I just want to let her know "It's gone. Leave it alone." In the nicest way possible of course.

There is a rule that we are not suppose to have any food with strong odor in our cubicle. I think there should also be a rule about no loud food at the cubicles, which would include loud containers/utensils.

Views From My Cubicle

I haven't updated this blog in a while for a couple of reasons:

• Who blogs anymore when you can make minute by minute updates in a 140 character limit?
• Up until a month ago I had a computer that was 8 years old. Looking at it made me sad so I avoided touching it.
• I didn't have the internet to work my dinosaur computer (blame it on me being cheap and lazy, but a job promotion has made both a new laptop and internet necessary).
• There is nothing to really blog about...unless you don't mind hearing about family and work. Interesting to me, but boring to everyone else.

Because I feel the need to post something and like I said in the last bullet point, all I talk about is work, please enjoy a montage I have title "Views From My Cubicle":

Some outdated pictures of my niece and nephew (Nice! I just made this a work AND family post).

People either get the reference or think I am both confused and conceited.

Yet another example of the mature and responsible woman I become.

This is my work station's H1N1's Prevention Station - provided by my employer. I haven't used either in months.

A plant that my old co-worker left in my care. Besides a rare shared drink from my water bottle I haven't touched it - as is evidence by the depleting soil and note that was left with the plant. Its still alive - kinda.

And finally, an actual view of downtown Milwaukee..from my cubicle.