8/28/2015

I Hate to Brag, but I am Really Popular with the Drunk Males

Thank heavens for drunk males. If it weren't for them, the only people that would be telling me I am pretty are my family members. I mean, how am I supposed to know that I am pretty unless it is verbally reinforced to me?

I don't know if I have one of those faces that says, "Come here strange/drunk/awkward man, I need a conversation." Or if it's simply I reinforce the bad behavior by continuing to talk to these men and not ignore them like a normal female. But I don't regret it, because it usually results in a good story/picture (and hey, it's nice to be told by someone who isn't related to you that you're pretty...even if they are beyond wasted).

Here are a few of my past favorites:

I call this guy "fiance" because I never did get his name. He spotted my friends and I on the street as we were trying to get a taxi. He wanted to know where we were going. Somehow we ended up having a long conversation with him which included listing off our favorite movies. When I told him mine was Usual Suspects, he proposed to me on the spot. What followed was a series of pictures like the one above. He tried real hard to get me to follow him to his apartment, but I politely declined.

This fella's name is Deep for short. I met him while traveling in Thailand. He and his friend were staying at the same hostel as me and my friend. Earlier in the day we had a nice chat with his friend who recommended a few things to see on the island, as Deep just stood quietly next to him. Later on in the night, at a beach party, my friend and I saw Deep (without his friend) stumbling across the beach. He spotted us and ran toward us, immediately hugging me and telling me how glad he was to see me. Because of his state (which seemed to include some type of drug along with alcohol), my friend and I were worried to leave him alone. So we decided to walk him back to the hostel. Because he was a small guy I had to drag him along with my arm around him (as demonstrated above). Along the way Deep attempted to feel me up and kiss me which I easily stopped. Once my friend and I got him in his bed, I politely excused myself to go back to the beach party after explaining to him why I wasn't going to sleep with him.

Met this gem while traveling in Taiwan. I am sure that I got him name, but it has been such a long time that I have forgotten it at this point. My friend and I decided to end a day of sightseeing by getting a drink. While we were enjoying our old fashions, this lovely gentlemen started to shoot water (fountain style) out of his mouth in the direction of me and my friend. Instead of complaining to the bartender, I decided to confront him (smart idea obviously). I must have not come off stern enough because he came over to start a jolly conversation. Without an open invite he started hugging me (while asking if we could cuddle). He probably should have been a little more patient in waiting for my answer: which would have been "Not right now." He too asked me to follow him home. I politely declined.

Unfortunately I wasn't able to capture all of my favorites with a pictures. I will sum the picture-less guys up quickly:
  • A gentleman in New Orleans (who looked like the brunette version of Guy Fieri) who tried to woo me with this new (aka scabby) tattoos on his arms and stories about his recent breakup with his baby mama of ten years.
  • A guy who was 8 years younger than me, saying if he slept with me how jealous his friend would be because they both always wanted to have sex with someone in their 30's. I might have given him death stares after that statement.
  • A dude named Ben, dressed in head to toe tweed. He was carrying around a plastic pipe which he attempted to use to caress my thigh.
I am sure the list goes on, but for the time being I can't think of more. If a friend is reading this and thinks of one, please let me know! I love trips down memory lane.

Oh drunk men! I look forward to interacting with you again once I fully recover from this surgery. I will miss being able to tell these stories.

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