The Unemployment Blues

I'm gonna change this blog's name to "Life is a bummer."

I was fired from my job last Monday. It took me a week to finally process it and not cry when it's brought up in a conversation. I never thought I would be fired in my lifetime, but here it is. I have to deal with it.

My employer told me that my performance was slipping especially in regards to communication and professional demeanor in stressful situations. They could never give me solid examples, outside of a few emails that had grammatical errors. One example they tried to use was when I cried (in a private staff office) during the annual conference I planned. I pointed out that at that time I was dealing with my mother being in the hospital, but apparently that wasn't good enough for an excuse. I didn't fight the dismissal. What was the use?

My relationship with my former supervisor was strained. I tried so hard to please her but only ended up being highly intimidated by her. The intimidation did not help my current anxiety issues, and definitely was not helping my work performance. In the end I know that this for the best. The situation I was in was only breaking down my self esteem. Self esteem that was slowly being chipped away by a pretty hostile work environment.

I'm using this as a learning experience. I need to be more confidant in speaking to my superiors, speaking up when I disagree with decisions are being made (in the most professional way possible), and just overall being confidant in my actions and decisions.

It just sucks being unemployed! There is nothing fun about it. I'm encouraged to try to think of this time as a mini-vacation. Well, that's hard for two reasons: 1) I was not being paid well with my former employer so I am going to have to scrimp and save until the next job arrives, and 2) I'm one of those weird people that actually likes (dare I say, loves) getting up in the morning to go to a full day of work. Damn me and my blue collar Midwestern work ethic.

So I am currently trudging along. Unemployment insurance benefit claims filed, resume updated, references secured, several job applications submitted, etc. Next steps, finding things to fill my time: volunteer work, working out (not at the gym obviously - membership had to be cancelled to save money), catching up with friends and more work search.

*Sigh* One of these days I will be a real, successful, happy adult. Wish me luck friends!