With the recent death of Robin Williams, everyone has been talking more openly about mental illness. I feel it's important to not feel ashamed to talk about my own struggles. My family and close friends are already aware of this, but now I am not afraid for others to know as well: I'm seeing a therapist and taking an antidepressant.
A lot has happened over the past few months that led me to finally admit that I needed help. Let's see...oh yeah...my my mom almost died after going into septic shock brought on upon pneumonia. No biggie or anything.
While she was still in recovery at the hospital, like the awesome daughter that I am, I left for Philadelphia to attend the meeting that I plan all year round, followed by a very selfish solo trip to New York for a few days. Don't worry, Karma paid me back by playing a very emotional song whilst I had breakfast at a hipster cafe in Chinatown. I proceeded to break down crying. My mother is doing much better now, for which I am extremely grateful.
The two months following my mother's illness, I struggled with getting to and staying asleep. I would have a million things running through my mind at once: worries about my finances, work, friendships, my own health, my future. All thoughts and perceived conclusions pointed to utter disaster - the end of my world as I knew it. The rational girl that I am, I knew these thoughts - the constant worry - was not normal. I knew the lack of sleep was going to eventually affect my work. I went to see my doctor to talk about it. After my doctor listened to my symptoms and witnessed my physical unease/tenseness, without hesitation, she let me know that I was suffering from a generalized anxiety disorder. She recommended I see a therapist and she also prescribed me medication.
I took my doctors advice and scheduled to see a therapist. After my first session with her, based on how I described my life and coping skills (pre-"breakdown") she pretty much told me that I was probably suffering from anxiety for a while. I was just better at coping with it before. With recent stressors in my life, my standard coping strategies just weren't cutting it! It was weird to finally have someone point out to me what I always knew was true, but I was just too afraid to admit.
I am grateful that I sought out help as soon as I knew something wasn't right, before the anxiety progressed into something worse. I am continuing to look forward, with my head held high. I will be happy, I will be healthy, I will beat this!
I would feel like this is a missed opportunity, if I didn't mention the following links/numbers for anyone that feels like they also need help (Afraid about insurance coverage? due to recent government changes, most insurance plans must cover mental health services). Don't be afraid to ask for help:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
1-800-273-8255
Tips for Finding Treatment from the National Institute on Mental Health
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/find-help/index.shtml
2 comments:
One of the many reasons I love you (besides loving you for just you being you) is the strength you give me and others in your life. I feel bad for relying on you to be the "rational" one that I always rely on.....and you sure did come through when I got sick. Your need to be the "strong, rational" was one of the reasons why you finally fell so hard once I got better...and yes, Hollie, I was better by the time you left for your trip! There was no need for you to stay when your job called for you to go! And the "selfish" trip (NOT) you went on was already planned and well earned!!!! Deep down inside, I know you know/knew that...or you would not have gone! Sometimes, maintaining a routine helps bring a sense of normalcy when things go crazy. I am so glad you went to seek help, though. You held too much in for too long. Love you sooooo much.
I love this post for so many reasons Hollie. Thanks for sharing such a personal part of your life. You're not alone!
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