There was a time that I wrote in this thing and it was just sheer silliness. Mere musing on everyday life or embarrassing awkward things that happen to/with/around me. You know, awkward people attract other awkward people/situations. Over the past year posts/things have changed. I've posted more honest, perhaps less humorous posts about online bullying, anxiety, unemployment, illness. Not so much rolling on the floor laughter (do the kids call it rmaflol?), but I hope the posts were still insightful.
With my recovery I have decided to allow myself the same insightful self indulgence. Writing more blogs. Bring it back to the early 00's! Along with this, posts will most likely come with some brutally honest moments of helplessness, giving in, pessimism (falling along the lines of the more recent posts). However, in the end the new posts will have a bright positive outcome because let's get real... I'm me. If I am not dead, I am ok, which means I am great! There's so much to be grateful for, which I will delve into later.
For the time being let's start with a little silliness. For example, when you are in any type of extended hospital stay (and maybe this is just me) it's ridiculous how fast you to get acclimated with people seeing you nude. For me it started with my pre-surgery prep. The night before the surgery they had me stay in a neck brace and needed to supervise my shower to make sure I didn't fall and that I cleaned my entire body. The nursing assistant got to see all of me but didn't really touch me. Weird, but I had to deal with it.
The actual physical touching/cleaning, that came later in the night. About 4 hours into the night, the nurse and nurse assistants came back in to give me an in-the-bed scrub, make sure I was really sanitized before surgery. All this was hands on and super weird. I kept thinking "Do you really need to scrub THAT for surgery?" Then they swiftly took off to let me rest. I felt so used! :-P
All cares flew out the window post surgery. Anyone and everyone could sneak a peak at me. I didn't care if my gown was drooping. "Oh hey nurse, you need to remove my catheter? Great, get right up in there and I will let everyone in the room see as well. Cough? Ok, Ehh. Out? Good."
To be honest it can be helpful to let others see your body. Many times the Nursing Assistants discovered heart monitors or band-aids that were still lingering on my body post-surgery that I didn't know were still there. Apparently they just removed a band-aid from a very larger injection/shot/in-cession the surgeons made in my lower lumber. The nursing assistants found it after they watched me walked back to bed after using the bathroom (which they still need to do because I am a fall risk and my bed is alarmed). Why thank you for watching my butt as I let my robe hang free!
However, it can circle right back around to "LEAVE ME ALONE." For example, when I was at my grossest, and they finally allowed me to shower. I was so pathetically unclean I just wanted to shower my dirty grim away myself, but still concerned about my stitches. I wanted help but I wanted independence. So I washed my body and let the nursing assistant wash my hair. She took longer than I liked so I called it off early (I can comb my hair outside of the shower!). I have my nudity limitations.
I hope the only professionals that will see me full/semi-naked for awhile will be my immediate general practitioner, an esthetician, a massuesse, and that one escort (JK, or am I?).
Fun done for now. Maybe I'll get a little more serious later.
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