There was a time that I wrote in this thing and it was just sheer silliness. Mere musing on everyday life or embarrassing awkward things that happen to/with/around me. You know, awkward people attract other awkward people/situations. Over the past year posts/things have changed. I've posted more honest, perhaps less humorous posts about online bullying, anxiety, unemployment, illness. Not so much rolling on the floor laughter (do the kids call it rmaflol?), but I hope the posts were still insightful.
With my recovery I have decided to allow myself the same insightful self indulgence. Writing more blogs. Bring it back to the early 00's! Along with this, posts will most likely come with some brutally honest moments of helplessness, giving in, pessimism (falling along the lines of the more recent posts). However, in the end the new posts will have a bright positive outcome because let's get real... I'm me. If I am not dead, I am ok, which means I am great! There's so much to be grateful for, which I will delve into later.
For the time being let's start with a little silliness. For example, when you are in any type of extended hospital stay (and maybe this is just me) it's ridiculous how fast you to get acclimated with people seeing you nude. For me it started with my pre-surgery prep. The night before the surgery they had me stay in a neck brace and needed to supervise my shower to make sure I didn't fall and that I cleaned my entire body. The nursing assistant got to see all of me but didn't really touch me. Weird, but I had to deal with it.
The actual physical touching/cleaning, that came later in the night. About 4 hours into the night, the nurse and nurse assistants came back in to give me an in-the-bed scrub, make sure I was really sanitized before surgery. All this was hands on and super weird. I kept thinking "Do you really need to scrub THAT for surgery?" Then they swiftly took off to let me rest. I felt so used! :-P
All cares flew out the window post surgery. Anyone and everyone could sneak a peak at me. I didn't care if my gown was drooping. "Oh hey nurse, you need to remove my catheter? Great, get right up in there and I will let everyone in the room see as well. Cough? Ok, Ehh. Out? Good."
To be honest it can be helpful to let others see your body. Many times the Nursing Assistants discovered heart monitors or band-aids that were still lingering on my body post-surgery that I didn't know were still there. Apparently they just removed a band-aid from a very larger injection/shot/in-cession the surgeons made in my lower lumber. The nursing assistants found it after they watched me walked back to bed after using the bathroom (which they still need to do because I am a fall risk and my bed is alarmed). Why thank you for watching my butt as I let my robe hang free!
However, it can circle right back around to "LEAVE ME ALONE." For example, when I was at my grossest, and they finally allowed me to shower. I was so pathetically unclean I just wanted to shower my dirty grim away myself, but still concerned about my stitches. I wanted help but I wanted independence. So I washed my body and let the nursing assistant wash my hair. She took longer than I liked so I called it off early (I can comb my hair outside of the shower!). I have my nudity limitations.
I hope the only professionals that will see me full/semi-naked for awhile will be my immediate general practitioner, an esthetician, a massuesse, and that one escort (JK, or am I?).
Fun done for now. Maybe I'll get a little more serious later.
7/20/2015
It's a tumor! (Actually several tumors)
I'm back! And of course, when I am back to blogging, there is pretty big news to share. Since I have last blogged, I have started two new jobs, made some awesome new friends through that process, and some other rather amusing stories passed along the way. Apparently none of these stories were big enough to share with a blog post, which now in retrospect seems fair.
The news that is big enough to share via blog post has to do with my heath. Over the past few months I, along with those that are close to me, have noticed changes in the way that I walk. It has only intensified over the past few weeks. I finally relented and went to my doctor. She recommended I see an occupational and physical therapist because she needed other opinions before we moved forward with any prognosis.
While visiting the therapists, they noticed immediate movement issues that were neurological in nature, so they recommended that I go see a neurologist. After a quick check up the neurologist ordered MRIs. After the initial images were taken, the doctor called me the very next day to ask that I check myself into the ER, as they found tumors growing around my spine causing compressing and the symptoms affecting my walking and right side weakness. The compressing was severe enough that they did not want me to be by myself.
At the ER, they admitted me for impatient care and more imaging (apparently my cheap off brand MRI was not clear enough). The second MRI and CT scan showed that not only did I have tumors compressing my spine near my neck (base of skull and just a little lower than that), but I also have tumors growing down my entire spine. Neurofibromatosis (sp?) would be the official name. It's a genetic disorder. Many people live with it for years and never show symptoms. Because the tumors on my neck are growing inward, I have shown symtoms.
The tumors that are growing down my lower spine are, for the time being, fine. The tumors on the neck need to be taken care of immediately. My neurosurgeon had warned me that because it seems the tumors have been there for a while, it was a possibility that I would need a stabilizer implanted in my neck to keep my neck bone strong. The stabilizer would limit my mobility in neck movement. So far, that doesn't look like it will be a 100% possibility. However the tumors on my neck are connected to integral nerves, so they cannot be moved completely just reduced.
So in the time being, my neurosurgeon is consulting with her colleagues and team members before officially selecting a operation time/date but it looks like Thursday will be the big day. The doctor still wants me in the hospital for observation, steroid injections, and OT/PT time. The sheer thought of several more days cooped up in bed is driving me stir crazy already. I wish I could flash forward to post surgery/post recovery/normalcy. But the fact is, I will probably never be normal again. And this is something that I will have to learn to deal with.
I keep myself positive by smiling, cracking jokes, enjoying my visitors and now being retrospective through blogging. Be prepared for a lot of hospital stories and rambling about nothing (out of sheer boredom).
The news that is big enough to share via blog post has to do with my heath. Over the past few months I, along with those that are close to me, have noticed changes in the way that I walk. It has only intensified over the past few weeks. I finally relented and went to my doctor. She recommended I see an occupational and physical therapist because she needed other opinions before we moved forward with any prognosis.
While visiting the therapists, they noticed immediate movement issues that were neurological in nature, so they recommended that I go see a neurologist. After a quick check up the neurologist ordered MRIs. After the initial images were taken, the doctor called me the very next day to ask that I check myself into the ER, as they found tumors growing around my spine causing compressing and the symptoms affecting my walking and right side weakness. The compressing was severe enough that they did not want me to be by myself.
At the ER, they admitted me for impatient care and more imaging (apparently my cheap off brand MRI was not clear enough). The second MRI and CT scan showed that not only did I have tumors compressing my spine near my neck (base of skull and just a little lower than that), but I also have tumors growing down my entire spine. Neurofibromatosis (sp?) would be the official name. It's a genetic disorder. Many people live with it for years and never show symptoms. Because the tumors on my neck are growing inward, I have shown symtoms.
The tumors that are growing down my lower spine are, for the time being, fine. The tumors on the neck need to be taken care of immediately. My neurosurgeon had warned me that because it seems the tumors have been there for a while, it was a possibility that I would need a stabilizer implanted in my neck to keep my neck bone strong. The stabilizer would limit my mobility in neck movement. So far, that doesn't look like it will be a 100% possibility. However the tumors on my neck are connected to integral nerves, so they cannot be moved completely just reduced.
So in the time being, my neurosurgeon is consulting with her colleagues and team members before officially selecting a operation time/date but it looks like Thursday will be the big day. The doctor still wants me in the hospital for observation, steroid injections, and OT/PT time. The sheer thought of several more days cooped up in bed is driving me stir crazy already. I wish I could flash forward to post surgery/post recovery/normalcy. But the fact is, I will probably never be normal again. And this is something that I will have to learn to deal with.
I keep myself positive by smiling, cracking jokes, enjoying my visitors and now being retrospective through blogging. Be prepared for a lot of hospital stories and rambling about nothing (out of sheer boredom).
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