I Hate to Brag, but I am Really Popular with the Drunk Males

Thank heavens for drunk males. If it weren't for them, the only people that would be telling me I am pretty are my family members. I mean, how am I supposed to know that I am pretty unless it is verbally reinforced to me?

I don't know if I have one of those faces that says, "Come here strange/drunk/awkward man, I need a conversation." Or if it's simply I reinforce the bad behavior by continuing to talk to these men and not ignore them like a normal female. But I don't regret it, because it usually results in a good story/picture (and hey, it's nice to be told by someone who isn't related to you that you're pretty...even if they are beyond wasted).

Here are a few of my past favorites:

I call this guy "fiance" because I never did get his name. He spotted my friends and I on the street as we were trying to get a taxi. He wanted to know where we were going. Somehow we ended up having a long conversation with him which included listing off our favorite movies. When I told him mine was Usual Suspects, he proposed to me on the spot. What followed was a series of pictures like the one above. He tried real hard to get me to follow him to his apartment, but I politely declined.

This fella's name is Deep for short. I met him while traveling in Thailand. He and his friend were staying at the same hostel as me and my friend. Earlier in the day we had a nice chat with his friend who recommended a few things to see on the island, as Deep just stood quietly next to him. Later on in the night, at a beach party, my friend and I saw Deep (without his friend) stumbling across the beach. He spotted us and ran toward us, immediately hugging me and telling me how glad he was to see me. Because of his state (which seemed to include some type of drug along with alcohol), my friend and I were worried to leave him alone. So we decided to walk him back to the hostel. Because he was a small guy I had to drag him along with my arm around him (as demonstrated above). Along the way Deep attempted to feel me up and kiss me which I easily stopped. Once my friend and I got him in his bed, I politely excused myself to go back to the beach party after explaining to him why I wasn't going to sleep with him.

Met this gem while traveling in Taiwan. I am sure that I got him name, but it has been such a long time that I have forgotten it at this point. My friend and I decided to end a day of sightseeing by getting a drink. While we were enjoying our old fashions, this lovely gentlemen started to shoot water (fountain style) out of his mouth in the direction of me and my friend. Instead of complaining to the bartender, I decided to confront him (smart idea obviously). I must have not come off stern enough because he came over to start a jolly conversation. Without an open invite he started hugging me (while asking if we could cuddle). He probably should have been a little more patient in waiting for my answer: which would have been "Not right now." He too asked me to follow him home. I politely declined.

Unfortunately I wasn't able to capture all of my favorites with a pictures. I will sum the picture-less guys up quickly:

• A gentleman in New Orleans (who looked like the brunette version of Guy Fieri) who tried to woo me with this new (aka scabby) tattoos on his arms and stories about his recent breakup with his baby mama of ten years.
• A guy who was 8 years younger than me, saying if he slept with me how jealous his friend would be because they both always wanted to have sex with someone in their 30's. I might have given him death stares after that statement.
• A dude named Ben, dressed in head to toe tweed. He was carrying around a plastic pipe which he attempted to use to caress my thigh.

I am sure the list goes on, but for the time being I can't think of more. If a friend is reading this and thinks of one, please let me know! I love trips down memory lane.

Oh drunk men! I look forward to interacting with you again once I fully recover from this surgery. I will miss being able to tell these stories.

Know your body and take action

I have been home from impatient rehab now for one week. I am extremely grateful for the time I was given in there especially now that I realize how tired out I get from walking, doing dishes or cooking. I really needed that extra time to gain strength and coordination just to allow me to function at a base level.

This entire experience has definitely taught me to take a minute, step back, access the situation, listen to others, and to stop being so stubbornly independent. If it were my decision, the old me would have been fighting the doctors and requesting to be sent home as soon as possible because I felt "fine." Well, I guess feeling "fine" for the past several months has turned out to not be the case.

People don't listen to the signs that their bodies are sending them. I am a perfect example of a person who did not. It started with back tingling/numbness when I would stand up from sitting down. The tingling would last just for a while but would go away after I would walk around for a while. No big deal, probably just sleeping funny. Then I started to realize I couldn't stretch my right leg as far as my left leg. Ah, I am just out of shape, I need to hit the gym. Then the tingling went to my arm. Um...well it's not happening all of the time, probably just a fluke. Next, when playing a game with coworkers where I needed to throw paper in the trash from a distance, my hand wouldn't release the makeshift ball. Instead the paper ball would fall from my fingers awkwardly to the floor. This should have been the moment I freaked out. The moment that I thought, this isn't right. And yet, I still did nothing. I guess the fear of the unknown was enough for me to ignore the situation.

Luckily, not too long afterward, a somewhat new friend of mine asked me when I was going to explain how I got my limp in my right leg. I knew I couldn't ignore it anymore. Other people were noticing something was up. This was the motivation for me to bring it up to my doctor. And here we are now!

I am now a full believer in a trusting gut reaction, especially when it comes to one's own body. If your body is saying, this feels funny you should probably listen to it. Trust your instinct. But one thing:

DON'T GOOGLE SYMPTOMS! IT WILL ONLY LEAD TO UNNECESSARY WORRY! This is why there are professionals: they give us the diagnosis and prognosis (and there is such a thing as a second opinion). Reach out for help if something doesn't feel right. I know I am happy I did.

Finally, I know that I am saying all of this as an employed and insured individual. There are other reasons that people don't reach out for help, which are unfortunate and sad. Perhaps that will be a subject for another blog post in the near future.

Dear Future Biological Children That Were Most Likely Never Going To Be...You're Welcome

I'm currently in inpatient rehab (discharge date in T-Minus 4 days) recovering from surgery and relearning to walk, step and generally function with my right side in a strong and coordinated manner. To be honest, in the worst case, horrible insurance scenario, I could maybe probably be released...I would just be a HUGE risk for falling and forever keeping my "limpy" walk that I have been using presurgery. Bad habits are learned fast and apparently hard to quit. Come on muscles! Listen to those new clear brain/neuron signals!

During this rehab process, I'm getting to know a lot of new nurses, aids, physical therapists, occupational therapists, etc. They ask the standard conversational questions: what do you do for work, where in Milwaukee do you live? Are you married? DO YOU HAVE KIDS!?!?

I am 32. Of course I have been asked this last "kids" question before. It's a standard, generic, filler, fake-it-like-I-care question. Normally I answer the question with no problem, like a script. "Hello my name is Holland, I am 32 from the Riverwest neighbor of Milwaukee. Never married and no kids. Currently working in the recruiting field."

Even in my early 20's I said that I would be ok with never having kids. It was not going to make or break my future. If it happened, great! If it didn't, that was fine as well. That is why the kid question never moved me. It didn't define me.

For some reason, since I have been in the hospital, I have been offended by that kid question. Offended on behalf of the alternate universe version of myself that has a long time desire to have kids. The kid question that would remind a person of a very difficult decision that could lie ahead. Do I knowingly attempt to have children given the high risk of passing on a rare genetic disorder that just happened to give my personal ass a swift kick? Not to mention that within the past year I have also been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, from my understanding...also highly likely to be passed on?

And then, I think, what if I was a woman that was previously trying to have kids but was already physically having difficulty? What if on top of infertility, I was now dealing with a weakened spinal cord, genetic neural tumors and anxiety? THANKS FOR ASKING SUCH A SENSITIVE QUESTION PEOPLE!

My future kids viewpoint has remained the same throughout this ordeal. I don't desire children and I don't not desire children. So this roadblock has still not affected my life. However, I wouldn't lie if it didn't make me think. What if I met someone that made me desperately want to have children? What if I unexpectedly become pregnant? What then? To be honest, I would be a mess!

Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually...this diagnosis/surgery has been....challenging. But one of the most difficult things to watch is what it has done to my parents/family. I am so beyond lucky to have them and the rest of my family in my life. They have been by my side every single day in the hospital. But to watch the constant worry/fatigue on my mom's face, fresh gray hairs and nervous scratches on my dad (listening to his stress naps in the chair next to me). I start to feel guilty for putting them through all of this. My goal is to get back to normal so they can go back to normal and I no longer have to watch them deal with this entire situation.

Why would a person want/desire to have children when something like this could happen?  And this is one of the "easier" things that could happen to a kid (I am not dying, I will survive). So many horrible, terrible things could happen to your offspring. And you would have to watch them suffer?  Sorry, but not sorry. I am too weak, selfish to do that. I'll keep my group of people that I care about at the current number and create no new people that can stress me out!

Uhhh, but really my intentions are far less selfish. I just don't want a future person to potentially inherit my genetic disorders...yeah, that's the real reason. It's for them. Not me. Congrats future nonexistent mini-mes.

Oh you're going to see me naked? Ain't no thang!

There was a time that I wrote in this thing and it was just sheer silliness. Mere musing on everyday life or embarrassing awkward things that happen to/with/around me. You know, awkward people attract other awkward people/situations. Over the past year posts/things have changed. I've posted more honest, perhaps less humorous posts about online bullying, anxiety, unemployment, illness. Not so much rolling on the floor laughter (do the kids call it rmaflol?), but I hope the posts were still insightful.

With my recovery I have decided to allow myself the same insightful self indulgence. Writing more blogs. Bring it back to the early 00's! Along with this, posts will most likely come with some brutally honest moments of helplessness, giving in, pessimism (falling along the lines of the more recent posts). However, in the end the new posts will have a bright positive outcome because let's get real... I'm me. If I am not dead, I am ok, which means I am great! There's so much to be grateful for, which I will delve into later.

For the time being let's start with a little silliness. For example, when you are in any type of extended hospital stay (and maybe this is just me) it's ridiculous how fast you to get acclimated with people seeing you nude. For me it started with my pre-surgery prep. The night before the surgery they had me stay in a neck brace and needed to supervise my shower to make sure I didn't fall and that I cleaned my entire body. The nursing assistant got to see all of me but didn't really touch me. Weird, but I had to deal with it.

The actual physical touching/cleaning, that came later in the night. About 4 hours into the night, the nurse and nurse assistants came back in to give me an in-the-bed scrub, make sure I was really sanitized before surgery. All this was hands on and super weird. I kept thinking "Do you really need to scrub THAT for surgery?" Then they swiftly took off to let me rest. I felt so used! :-P

All cares flew out the window post surgery. Anyone and everyone could sneak a peak at me. I didn't care if my gown was drooping. "Oh hey nurse, you need to remove my catheter? Great, get right up in there and I will let everyone in the room see as well. Cough? Ok, Ehh. Out? Good."

To be honest it can be helpful to let others see your body. Many times the Nursing Assistants discovered heart monitors or band-aids that were still lingering on my body post-surgery that I didn't know were still there. Apparently they just removed a band-aid from a very larger injection/shot/in-cession the surgeons made in my lower lumber. The nursing assistants found it after they watched me walked back to bed after using the bathroom (which they still need to do because I am a fall risk and my bed is alarmed). Why thank you for watching my butt as I let my robe hang free!

However, it can circle right back around to "LEAVE ME ALONE." For example, when I was at my grossest, and they finally allowed me to shower. I was so pathetically unclean I just wanted to shower my dirty grim away myself, but still concerned about my stitches. I wanted help but I wanted independence. So I washed my body and let the nursing assistant wash my hair. She took longer than I liked so I called it off early (I can comb my hair outside of the shower!). I have my nudity limitations.

I hope the only professionals that will see me full/semi-naked for awhile will be my immediate general practitioner, an esthetician, a massuesse, and that one escort (JK, or am I?).

Fun done for now. Maybe I'll get a little more serious later.

It's a tumor! (Actually several tumors)

I'm back! And of course, when I am back to blogging, there is pretty big news to share. Since I have last blogged, I have started two new jobs, made some awesome new friends through that process, and some other rather amusing stories passed along the way. Apparently none of these stories were big enough to share with a blog post, which now in retrospect seems fair.

The news that is big enough to share via blog post has to do with my heath. Over the past few months I, along with those that are close to me, have noticed changes in the way that I walk. It has only intensified over the past few weeks. I finally relented and went to my doctor. She recommended I see an occupational and physical therapist because she needed other opinions before we moved forward with any prognosis.

While visiting the therapists, they noticed immediate movement issues that were neurological in nature, so they recommended that I go see a neurologist. After a quick check up the neurologist ordered MRIs. After the initial images were taken, the doctor called me the very next day to ask that I check myself into the ER, as they found tumors growing around my spine causing compressing and the symptoms affecting my walking and right side weakness. The compressing was severe enough that they did not want me to be by myself.

At the ER, they admitted me for impatient care and more imaging (apparently my cheap off brand MRI was not clear enough). The second MRI and CT scan showed that not only did I have tumors compressing my spine near my neck (base of skull and just a little lower than that), but I also have tumors growing down my entire spine. Neurofibromatosis (sp?) would be the official name. It's a genetic disorder. Many people live with it for years and never show symptoms. Because the tumors on my neck are growing inward, I have shown symtoms.

The tumors that are growing down my lower spine are, for the time being, fine. The tumors on the neck need to be taken care of immediately. My neurosurgeon had warned me that because it seems the tumors have been there for a while, it was a possibility that I would need a stabilizer implanted in my neck to keep my neck bone strong. The stabilizer would limit my mobility in neck movement. So far, that doesn't look like it will be a 100% possibility. However the tumors on my neck are connected to integral nerves, so they cannot be moved completely just reduced.

So in the time being, my neurosurgeon is consulting with her colleagues and team members before officially selecting a operation time/date but it looks like Thursday will be the big day. The doctor still wants me in the hospital for observation, steroid injections, and OT/PT time. The sheer thought of several more days cooped up in bed is driving me stir crazy already. I wish I could flash forward to post surgery/post recovery/normalcy. But the fact is, I will probably never be normal again. And this is something that I will have to learn to deal with.

I keep myself positive by smiling, cracking jokes, enjoying my visitors and now being retrospective through blogging. Be prepared for a lot of hospital stories and rambling about nothing (out of sheer boredom).

The Unemployment Blues

I'm gonna change this blog's name to "Life is a bummer."

I was fired from my job last Monday. It took me a week to finally process it and not cry when it's brought up in a conversation. I never thought I would be fired in my lifetime, but here it is. I have to deal with it.

My employer told me that my performance was slipping especially in regards to communication and professional demeanor in stressful situations. They could never give me solid examples, outside of a few emails that had grammatical errors. One example they tried to use was when I cried (in a private staff office) during the annual conference I planned. I pointed out that at that time I was dealing with my mother being in the hospital, but apparently that wasn't good enough for an excuse. I didn't fight the dismissal. What was the use?

My relationship with my former supervisor was strained. I tried so hard to please her but only ended up being highly intimidated by her. The intimidation did not help my current anxiety issues, and definitely was not helping my work performance. In the end I know that this for the best. The situation I was in was only breaking down my self esteem. Self esteem that was slowly being chipped away by a pretty hostile work environment.

I'm using this as a learning experience. I need to be more confidant in speaking to my superiors, speaking up when I disagree with decisions are being made (in the most professional way possible), and just overall being confidant in my actions and decisions.

It just sucks being unemployed! There is nothing fun about it. I'm encouraged to try to think of this time as a mini-vacation. Well, that's hard for two reasons: 1) I was not being paid well with my former employer so I am going to have to scrimp and save until the next job arrives, and 2) I'm one of those weird people that actually likes (dare I say, loves) getting up in the morning to go to a full day of work. Damn me and my blue collar Midwestern work ethic.

So I am currently trudging along. Unemployment insurance benefit claims filed, resume updated, references secured, several job applications submitted, etc. Next steps, finding things to fill my time: volunteer work, working out (not at the gym obviously - membership had to be cancelled to save money), catching up with friends and more work search.

*Sigh* One of these days I will be a real, successful, happy adult. Wish me luck friends!

The Sky is Not Falling After All

With the recent death of Robin Williams, everyone has been talking more openly about mental illness. I feel it's important to not feel ashamed to talk about my own struggles. My family and close friends are already aware of this, but now I am not afraid for others to know as well: I'm seeing a therapist and taking an antidepressant.

A lot has happened over the past few months that led me to finally admit that I needed help. Let's see...oh yeah...my my mom almost died after going into septic shock brought on upon pneumonia. No biggie or anything.

While she was still in recovery at the hospital, like the awesome daughter that I am, I left for Philadelphia to attend the meeting that I plan all year round, followed by a very selfish solo trip to New York for a few days. Don't worry, Karma paid me back by playing a very emotional song whilst I had breakfast at a hipster cafe in Chinatown. I proceeded to break down crying. My mother is doing much better now, for which I am extremely grateful.

The two months following my mother's illness, I struggled with getting to and staying asleep. I would have a million things running through my mind at once: worries about my finances, work, friendships, my own health, my future. All thoughts and perceived conclusions pointed to utter disaster - the end of my world as I knew it. The rational girl that I am, I knew these thoughts - the constant worry - was not normal. I knew the lack of sleep was going to eventually affect my work. I went to see my doctor to talk about it. After my doctor listened to my symptoms and witnessed my physical unease/tenseness, without hesitation, she let me know that I was suffering from a generalized anxiety disorder. She recommended I see a therapist and she also prescribed me medication.

I took my doctors advice and scheduled to see a therapist. After my first session with her, based on how I described my life and coping skills (pre-"breakdown") she pretty much told me that I was probably suffering from anxiety for a while. I was just better at coping with it before. With recent stressors in my life, my standard coping strategies just weren't cutting it! It was weird to finally have someone point out to me what I always knew was true, but I was just too afraid to admit.

I am grateful that I sought out help as soon as I knew something wasn't right, before the anxiety progressed into something worse. I am continuing to look forward, with my head held high. I will be happy, I will be healthy, I will beat this!

I would feel like this is a missed opportunity, if I didn't mention the following links/numbers for anyone that feels like they also need help (Afraid about insurance coverage? due to recent government changes, most insurance plans must cover mental health services). Don't be afraid to ask for help:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
1-800-273-8255

Tips for Finding Treatment from the National Institute on Mental Health
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/find-help/index.shtml

U-G-L-Y, I ain't got no alibi...

While sitting in my season ticket holder seat during a game, a Milwaukee Brewers staffer noticed that there were three people in my row, myself included, that were all wearing a different t-shirt that had been given away to fans that season. He asked we three strangers to take a picture together and we all complied. I come to find out later that my picture was featured on the Milwaukee Brewers' Twitter, Instagram and Facebook pages. Clearly, I have become internet famous! The question posed on the Brewers social media outlets: "Which Brewers' t-shirt giveaway is your favorite?"

One response stood out to me. It read, "Preferably one a good looking fan! Ugly finder!"  After spending a few minutes trying to translate what exactly the young fellow was trying to say, it finally dawned on me. He was insulting us. Rude!

I am the first to admit, it is not a great photo of me. However, I am the only person that gets to make fun of my appearance! This situation is unfortunately not the first time I have been called ugly by a complete stranger. Ah, how I do not miss drunk men in college or teenage boys shouting at me while I walked home from middle school. So, in the end, the insult rolled off my back. I've finally grown comfortable in my own skin that I don't need the opinions of others to know that I am alright just the way that I am. I wish this epiphany didn't take 30 years to finally come to me.

What upsets me is that the other girl featured in the photo, sits next to me at every game. She is a great, friendly, boisterous girl. The guy I had never met before but he was very warm and friendly for the brief moment we interacted. I was hurt on both of their behalves. (Hippie alert!) Not that physical appearance matters, but neither one of them is ugly. (/Hippie alert!) These are real life, actual people, in the photos. They have feelings. Would you say this to their face?

I find it upsetting that individuals feel like its ok to revert to childish playground insults when it comes to making fun of anonymous individuals in photos, crowds, internet, etc. These bullies probably feel, if they don't know the person or if they think the person won't hear/see it, it's ok to crack "a joke" to get a laugh, or in Facebook's case, a "Like".

I am not perfect. I know I have done the same in the past. It's something I am always working on. And my advice to you my friends, do the same.

Everyone has the right to their opinions and to think that someone is ugly. You should just really keep it to yourself, because chances are, no one wants to hear it.

Soulpancake Post #3 - How do you keep yourself in check?

From the Virtues and Vices section:

DIG DEEPER QUESTIONS:
"Which of your flaws most bothers you?" - My hesitation and sometimes outright resistance to ask for help or company. I need to know how to balance my desire for independence and the human instinct to be part of a group.
"How are you a hypocrite?" - I am always the person that encourages people to "Stop giving any fucks" but every once in a while I find myself caring what others think about me and/or my actions.
"What's one thing you're glad you didn't do?" - As much as it might pain my family to read/hear this, moving back to my hometown after I graduated college. I think it took me truly living by myself to develop my own person, the person that I am today.

BIG QUESTION:
"How do you keep yourself in check?" - I keep myself surrounded by people that know me best. They are usually the ones that remind me of the person that I was and am. If I am completing relying on myself, then I always take a moment for self-reflection before I speak or act. Rarely do I do something without it being filtered first.

Soulpancake Post #2 - What Can You Do To Make This World A Little Less Screwed Up?

From the Life, Death and Living section:

DIG DEEPER
"Who has made your life a little less screwed up?" - My parents. They raised me with a sense of security, to have a level head, focus and drive. They have pretty different personalities and I like to think I have taken the best of both of them. With all of those factors combined I was able to not be distracted by bad influences.
"Should community service be mandatory?" - No. When people are forced to do things, they do not give their 100% effort nor do they bring positive energy. The best community service performance comes from individuals that put all of the heart in their work. Positive energy begets positive outcomes.
"When it comes to volunteer work what stops you from stepping up?" - Time. Work commitments and setting time aside to keep my mind/body/spirit happy leave me with little time to better my community. Even writing it down now makes me feel selfish. Blerg!

BIG QUESTION
What can you do to make this world a little less screwed up? - Be nice, be patient, be understanding, listen and accept others for who they are.

Soul Pancake Challenge -Chewing on Life's Big Questions - Post #1 - How has my sense of right and wrong evolved?

I'm trying out another challenge for myself. I won't necessarily be blogging everyday, but there will be at least one post a week.

This most recent challenge has been influenced by a book I just purchased: Rainn Wilson's (yes, Dwight from the Office) Soul Pancake: Chew on Life's Big Questions. I bought the book after getting addicted to watching video's uploaded to the similarly named YouTube channel. The channel makes videos that are uplifting, funny, thought provoking and just all around good. The book asks questions that make you think about philosophy, art, love, creativity, science, etc (all with some pretty cool art). So I decided to use this blog to answer some of the book's questions. It's about to get deep up in this business.

Here is the basic set up. Each page of the book has one main question, three "dig deeper" questions along with random quotes and facts around the topic. First up, from the "Introspection, Reflection and Identify" section:

DIG DEEPER:
"When is it important to rebel?" - When the powers-that-be are enforcing laws that limit the freedoms of people, even if the enforcement does not personally affect you.
"What will you never change your mind about?" - That there is good in the world and you don't have to look that hard to find it.
"What have you unlearned since your childhood?" - Perfection exists. No one is perfect. People make mistakes and should be given a chance for forgiveness.

BIG QUESTION:
"How has your sense of right and wrong evolved?" - By my experiences of getting to know new people from different walks of life, who have made me rethink my opinions and my truths. Sometimes those opinions have even changed.

This is the end...of the July postings!

This has been a lot harder than I expected, but I did it...one blog for every day of July. I was able to come up with ideas for a post everyday, even if I was stretching it on some day. I didn't get too personal or at least not so personal that I became uncomfortable. I like to think that I stayed at least some what amusing.

I definitely will not be blogging everyday from here on out but I will be trying to blog more often than I have in the past. I even purchased myself a tiny notebook, to mark down ideas when the mood strikes me. I should note that this notebook is turning out to be more of a "don't forget to buy...." reminder book so we will see how this pans out.

I am not sure if I met my objective which was to be more thoughtful about what I was writing as well as to be more considerate about my grammar/techniques/etc. Either way...meh...whatevs.

Now everyone should go and listen to "Yesterday" to mark this bittersweet day.  I even included several versions for the diverse tastes.
Beatles
En Vogue
Frank Sinatra
Elvis Presley
Boys II Men
Ray Charles 
whatever this is

Post #30 - High Self Esteem - Thanks Mom and Dad

I find it hard to believe that there are parents out there that don't overly praise everything about their children. Well, I guess that I know they exist, but thinking about these types of parents just makes me sad. People should be as lucky as I have been in my life to have parents that think everything you do is great.

There was a comedy bit I remember Amy Schumer doing in which she said she never knew she was awkward looking, because her mom always told her how beautiful she was....frizzy hair, cat shirts and all, which lead her to have high self esteem. I can relate to that.

My mom thinks that my writing is amazing. I should be writing novels, screenplays, columns, you name it...my words should be there. My dad can't really tell you accurately what I do for a living, but what he can tell you is just how good I am at it. I am a modern day business lady...jet setting from exotic location to exotic location...Durham to San Antonio, yo! They both think that I am one of the most beautiful people in the world...tied with their other children and grandchildren.

They are obviously the most brilliant and insightful people in the world.

When I see other people in horrible relationships, girls (and guys) that will forgive cheaters, or people that are just mean to them, I think, "Why do they put up with that?" And I automatically realize, they must not have high self esteem, that they some how think that deserve to be treated that way. I should lend them my parents for a week. My parents will praise them to the point that they will realize how amazing they are and will kick the loser to the corner.

You can rent my parents for a low price of $50 a week: Discount due to the corny/inappropriate jokes from my dad and for my mom ordering food from a restaurant and complaining about the choice she made (remember Mom, you don't like Chicken Fried Steak). Heart those crazy kids!

July Blogception - Post #29 - I'm a Conundrum

I wouldn't blame anyone for not "getting" me. I am hard to define. My personality traits tends to be both sides of the spectrum at the same time.

I'm a high strung hippie.
I'm a ditzy intellect.
I'm a jaded romantic.
I'm a flawed perfectionist.
I'm messily organized.
I'm immaturely sophisticated.
I have an athletic build without any athletic ability.
I am a friendly introvert.
I like to think I am cool for all of the nerdy things about me.

They should call of this, being Hollandish. And to think...I am not a Gemini!

July Post # 28 - Everybody is a Boob Man

A gay friend once told me that although he was not attracted to women, he would consider himself a boob man. He then claimed that everyone is a boob person. I have come to the realization that this is true. Even I appreciate the aesthetics of a good set of breasts. I may sometimes get distracted by my own cleavage, thinking "Yay, my boobs are on point today!"

However, I think one should be discreet when appreciating the boob area. I get super insecure when I think that there might be a small chance that someone is looking at my chest region. At a house party during college, I was chatted up by a guy that would not look at my face. Not thinking it was true, I jokingly said, "Are you looking at my boobs?" His awkward response was, "No...Yes." Then a few weeks ago, while in an elevator I found the guy across from me staring at my chest. Then he looked at me with a confused look on his face and said, "What does your t-shirt say?"

My response to both situations was to hunch my back, mutter something, and walk away. You can look at boobs (or words on t-shirts) without ogling people!

Today is what? - Post # 27 - Weird National Days of Recognition

July 27th is...

National Dance Day
National Day of the American Cowboy
National Sleepy Head Day
National Scotch Day

Just thought you would like to know.

July Blogstache - Post #26 - It's a Family Thing

Is It Over Yet? - Post #25 - Jobs of Yore

My first job was working as a sales associate at a department store. I worked in the junior's department. I spent 90% of my time cleaning out the changing room (I once found a used sanitary napkin), 5% of the time cleaning the showroom floor/refolding clothes, 3% of the time answering customer questions (I once showed a man the approximate bra size I thought he would fit), 2% of the time helping out at the cash register.

My next job was working with the Native student organization on my college campus. I helped plan events, put together budgets, I sat on Boards as the Native student representative, and held "office hours" in which I would answer questions about our organization and sometimes about the Native community in Madison. Once a white woman came in to ask what "my people" did to get rid of Asian Beetles. My answer, "uhhhhhh."

During the summers of my college years, I worked at day camps for the community recreation department. I did what most camp counselors did...showed the kids how to make lanyards and paper plate maracas, kicked their tiny little buts at kickball, blew my whistle at them, yelled at them...You know, the usual. I even got to drive one of those 15 passenger vans! Fun times.

My senior year of college going into the last summer of freedom, I worked at at one of those scent filled bath and body shops. I had a headache for the first two weeks from the stench and all of my co-workers were the worst (minus the short time that my roommate worked with me). So it basically was my favorite job ever.

For a short period their I worked at a temp agency. I would show up the day of and wait to see if they needed me for any job. I usually ended up at a factory, where all I did was push Styrofoam boards through a machine that would break it down. That was a weird time in my life.

Then I had my first real post-college job, as a service coordinator for a low-income housing property. I put together programs that educated the residents on financial planning, anger management, parenting classes, adult educational opportunities, and so on. Most of my time however, was spent dealing with the police calls. This was the first job that I did not voluntarily leave. Luckily I wasn't fired, but I was laid off.

And then, I went to my current place of employment. My work history in retrospect seems kind of short and all over the place. But at least I can say I never had a job that I absolutely hated. Don't get me wrong, I definitely didn't love the jobs, but at least I never quit out of frustration.

July Nostalgia Epidemic - Post #24 - My Inner Self Will Always be the 11 Year Old Version of Me

Oh what a difference 20 years makes.

It has just been recently pointed out to me that Ace of Base's The Sign and The Sandlot, are both 20 years old!  They both came out in 1993. At first I did not want to believe it. No way could that be 20 years ago. Because that is a long time and I can distinctly remember when those items first came out. I basically felt like a grown up at that time. OK, I was only 10/11 years old, but still old enough to have a lasting memory.

But if I really think about it, I remember a lot of things from that time in my life. It is almost as if that onset of adolescence really sticks with a person, or at least it did for me. So I decided to look up 1993 year in review to see if things really did make me go: "Really? That was 20 years ago? Ugh."

And guess what this website (http://pop-culture.us/Annual/1993.html) made me say that phrase repeatedly. Maybe instead I should say to myself, "Really, That was ONLY 20 years ago." Maybe that will make me feel better?

Songs: 
I Will Always Love You - Whitney Houston
Informer - Snow Freak Me - Silk
That's The Way Love Goes - Janet Jackson
Weak - SWV (Sisters With Voices)
Dreamlover - Mariah Carey

TV Shows:
Home Improvement (ABC)
Seinfeld (NBC)
Roseanne (ABC)
Grace Under Fire (ABC)
Coach (ABC)
Frasier (NBC)

Movies:
Jurassic Park
Mrs. Doubtfire
Sleepless In Seattle
Schindler's List

Scandels/Shocking Death:
Michael Jackson's pedophile case
Brandon Lee's onset death
River Phoenix's drug related death

July Pintrest-y Post #23 - Look Ma, I'm Crafty!

My parents bought me a used dining room set. It was made of really nice wood and included six chairs, for only $25. What a deal. The cushions were not so great. But I was told I could simply reupholster them. Yikes! I have not one creative/crafty bone in my body. But I gave it a shot. I even went with a fabric that I felt would go well with my dining room walls.

Before

After

These are my bedroom walls, don't judge me!

I feel like Martha Stewart now.