8/28/2010

What Not To Do When Cute Guy Talks To You On Bus

So, of course these examples are pure fiction. None of these things happened to a particularly awkward 27 year old woman living and working in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
  • So upon entering the bus, you select a seat next to an attractive, age appropriate guy. Kudos! Nice seat selection.
  • You feel said guy turn to look directly at you every few seconds. You discretely start to wipe your nose/mouth/face because that would be the only reason he is looking at you...There is probably a booger hanging out there somewhere. Negative kudos.
  • Finally you turn to look at him to realize that he is saying something to you. Your sunglasses and cleverly hidden ear bugs (masked even more by your long hair) don't notice this. Negative kudos.
  • You remove your ear buds and sun glasses to be an "active listener" to what this seemly nice guy has to say. Kudos!
  • The guy starts to ask you about the tray of cupcakes on your lap, about baking, about your work, bosses. Each question he asks is directly related to the answer you just gave and he is smiling pleasantly with each question. He's a great conversationalist. You reciprocate by giving short answers, not asking any questions in return and making a face that is not to far from this:

If the look could have a name, it would be titled: "Why are you talking to me? What's your deal? No, seriously...WTF?"









  • So after the guy is done asking you questions he gives you one final smile, still not turning away, almost waiting to give you a final chance to be an actual participant in the conversation. You put your sunglasses back on, headphones back in the ears and turn to face the front of the bus...*facepalm*.
  • You continue on in silence, awkwardly sitting next to this guy for 10 minutes until your stop comes up. You get up and leave without smiling or saying goodbye. Negative kudos.
Obvs...I'm way good at talking to good looking guys. Err... I mean this fictional lady is...

8/11/2010

Please Allow Me To Have a Reality Show Rant

Anyone that knows me, me knows that I shamelessly love me some reality show television. And I am not talking everyone-talks-about-it-the-next-day reality shows like American Idol or America's Got Talent. No, I'm talking about those random reality shows you find on CW. Take for example the new show called Plain Jane. After one episode, I have decided I am going to both love to hate AND hate to love this show. Where to start on the hate...

  • First of all, I hate the show's definition of a "Plain Jane". Wear glasses? Don't wear heals? Don't wear make-up? Goofy? Got curly hair? Yup...your plain. We better put contacts in, straighten your hair, put make-up on and make an already adorably cute girl look like an extra from The Hills. (To be fair, they do look good afterward, but that sort of like putting a puppy in the hands of a monkey...making a cute situation even more cute).
  • The situations they put these girls in to learn how to flirt. Even good flirts couldn't pull that off. And the results are just SO PAINFUL to watch that my secondhand embarrassment leaves me feeling nauseous. I resort to talking to myself, such as, "I sincerely hope she stops touching that guys arm. He looks super creeped out." What they are teaching these girls to do is to be that creepy guy at the bar that makes you roll your eyes at his tired lines.
  • The results is always because of some guy. She is getting made over for a guy. They try hard to work in the "Oh but look at how confident she is now!" but really, its about the guy. Makes for excellent TV, but me and my feminist soapbox say that if a girl would like to change her appearance, it should be because she wants to do it for herself, and not because boys will like her better.
  • The last complaint, is a complaint to any reality show in which the ending is the revelation of a crush. Of course more times than not the object of affection is going to be reciprocal of the feelings! They don't want to look like the bad guy. Just dump them a few months after the "follow-up" taping.
  • The scenes from next week's episode...I don't even see any plain in this girl. She looks at most like she isn't wearing make-up. Oh, but she did say she didn't like girly stuff. Total Plain Jane. At least the girl from the episode had red hair, glasses, freckles and kind of came off as slightly awkward.
Who am I kidding, I just straight up hate this show. But since I love hating things, I love second hand embarrassment and I need to brush up on my creepy flirting skills, I will totally be watching this again.

P.S. I'm pretty sure I need to get a life!

4/27/2010

"And this is a HUMAN dress!" Why I may have the weirdest/awesomest nieces and nephews in the world!

That quote in the subject line is an original from my niece Lainie, when showing me her little sister's dress. I guess she was trying to distinguish it from... a dog's dress?

This is Lainie. She is almost three. She is awesome because:

If you ask her who her favorite Ghostbuster is, she will tell you "Peter Venkman."

She has recently REALLY gotten into watching 3 Ninjas.

When I showed her how to make a heart shape with your hands, she said, "He ate my heart. He a.a.ate my heart."

While looking at a book of animals together I pointed to what I thought was a hamster and she correctly told me that it was a chinchilla.

Almost every time i go to visit her she is wearing a new costume as an everyday outfit...a tutu, a Super Girl costume, one of many Disney princesses' dresses. One time she wasn't wearing a "dress-up" outfit, but it was a weird combination of mismatched separates. When I brought it up to my sister, she informed me that Lainie dressed herself. She has the same style sense when it comes to dressing her dolls. Its all about the layers and clashing patterns/colors.

And, of course, one of the main reasons I love her dearly, is when my mom did her hair to match mine. She looked in the mirror and said, "I look beautiful! I look like Auntie Hollie!" Did I mention that she is one smart cookie?

This is my nephew Ian. He is awesome because:

He has just turned two years old and he is already the size of an average 3.5 year old. Currently I am trying to perfect lifting him up without grunting loudly. Its a challenge, because he's a big boy (to put it not so lightly).

He is so fair (both skin and hair) that he is almost translucent. Its kind of funny to see him in my mom's (who is visibly not white) arms. Its such a contrast but you can see in their interactions with each other that they are clearly grandma (or rather gaga) and grandson.

When he is super excited to see me, he runs in place and then takes off into my arms.

He can sit through 9 innings of a Brewers game without whining!

Ian is an "intense" lover. When he hugs you, he wraps both arms fully around your head or neck and then attempts to squeeze the life out of you. Its pretty impressive that a kid that age and stature has that much strength. You can also see just a tiny amount of fear in his cousins' eyes when he goes in for a hug.

His lovey-dovey-ness also extends to ear rubbing. Apparently he treats everyone like a puppy with big flappy ears that need to be rubbed.

He is also a little bit of a food-swipper. It started at an early age. He was just old enough to walk when he first approached my plate, which I placed on the coffee table, and stole my pizza slice. From the point on whenever I was eating in front of him, it was almost a given that I had to share (he usually indicated this by walking up to me with his mouth open).

That habit has almost died out, but old habits sometimes die hard. When I recently came home from a work trip I was showing by brother my fancy box of chocolates I received as a gift for a job well done. Before I could stop him, Ian took one of those expensive chocolates and stuffed it in his face. Since it was a variety box, I read the description of the stolen chocolate and realized it was flavored with cognac. Ah the refined taste of a two year old.

Then there are the two most recent additions. Lucy:


and Gabriel:
They are babies, so I can't say much about their personalities. I can say that each one of them has already spit up on me within the two months of their existence. But aren't they cute?

Hopefully they will be as quirky as their brother and sister. I also hope that all of my nieces and nephews don't lose their "weirdness" because they are trying to fit in with the other kids. I won't have any stories to tell then!

In case you were asking yourself, "I wonder who took these wonderful photos?!?" Well look no further than LightFALLING Photography by Rachel Droppers. She is great!

1/22/2010

Mason Jars...the bane of my existence

This wonderful (totally not being sarcastic here) woman sits kitty-corner from my cubicle. She is nice, friendly, outgoing and seems very intelligent from what I know about her. When I walk into the office in the morning she greets me and then politely asks me what I'm listening to on my mp3 player. She lets me know when shes brewing more coffee. She must notice me getting up every other hour for more. So why must she annoy me so?

Ok...ok. She doesn't annoy me. With age I have grown to understand that people don't annoy me, but situation/things annoy me. For example, her mason jars annoy me.

Like clockwork, everyday around 3pm, she whips out her metal spoon and mason jar of homemade yogurt. I want to find it charming. She needs an energy boost! And who doesn't need one at that time of day? She's being environmental! All the yogurt she's making herself and eating out of mason jars....why she probably saved a football field's worth of the city dump.

I should explain that my office is the quietest place that every existed. Any noise is amplified by the black hole that is the quiet of the office. That being said...the noise that those mason jars make when there is little-to-no yogurt left...it's right up there with Styrofoam rubbing together (which is my fingernails on a chalkboard). The clanking of the spoon against the jar..CLANKCLANK....CLANKCLANKCLANK..CLANK. I just want to let her know "It's gone. Leave it alone." In the nicest way possible of course.

There is a rule that we are not suppose to have any food with strong odor in our cubicle. I think there should also be a rule about no loud food at the cubicles, which would include loud containers/utensils.

1/15/2010

Views From My Cubicle

I haven't updated this blog in a while for a couple of reasons:
  • Who blogs anymore when you can make minute by minute updates in a 140 character limit?
  • Up until a month ago I had a computer that was 8 years old. Looking at it made me sad so I avoided touching it.
  • I didn't have the internet to work my dinosaur computer (blame it on me being cheap and lazy, but a job promotion has made both a new laptop and internet necessary).
  • There is nothing to really blog about...unless you don't mind hearing about family and work. Interesting to me, but boring to everyone else.
Because I feel the need to post something and like I said in the last bullet point, all I talk about is work, please enjoy a montage I have title "Views From My Cubicle":

Some outdated pictures of my niece and nephew (Nice! I just made this a work AND family post).

People either get the reference or think I am both confused and conceited.

Yet another example of the mature and responsible woman I become.

This is my work station's H1N1's Prevention Station - provided by my employer. I haven't used either in months.

A plant that my old co-worker left in my care. Besides a rare shared drink from my water bottle I haven't touched it - as is evidence by the depleting soil and note that was left with the plant. Its still alive - kinda.

And finally, an actual view of downtown Milwaukee..from my cubicle.

5/04/2009

My week in Montreal...6 days convention center, one day site seeing

I went to Montreal.



They spoke French and English there.



I was greeted with "Bon Jour, 'Ello 'Olland!" because there are no "H" sounds in french I guess.



There was a lot of churches and strip clubs.



I was told it was wise to never visit during the winter. While I was there is was 70ish degrees.


I would visit again, and actually see more then the inside of the place below. Work...it allows me to travel but not do much site seeing.



I'm definitely not complaining, because a day in Montreal was awesome.

3/15/2009

What's a Blog?

Over 5 months...that's a long time to not update something. It also makes me realize how long it has been since I had internet connection. When I do get computer time, I'm too busy doing other things to update my blog. What am I doing?:

Facebook Stalking
Seeing if there is any updates on my myspace page (and wondering why I have one in the first place)
Purchasing stuff of my wish list on Amazon
Rewatching my favorite Youtube videos ("kick his ask", "charlie bit my finger", "blooood")--children are funny
Reading:
Best Week Ever blog
If it is during any "Cycle" of America's Next Top Model, FourFour for the snarky recaps.
Celebrity Baby Blog (don't look at me that way!)---i love me some pop culture "news"
PostSecret
Found
FartParty
Passive Aggressive Notes
Overheard in New York
I Can Has Cheezburger
Cute Overload -- I like looking at cute things

So now you see why I just have no time to blog about how there are no updates in my life.

9/28/2008

Found - The Parents are Moving Edition

So my parents are moving out of the apartment that they have been living in for the past seven years. Because they are moving into a smaller place, my mom asked me to help her go through some of my old things that she had been holding onto (to see if I wanted to keep them myself, if I wanted to throw/give it away, or if I wanted her to keep it).

Along the way, I found some pretty awesome things:

1. A candy dish I made in some art class. It is severely deformed, and an awful shade of beige with aqua colored flecks. Yet when I pulled it out of a cupboard I still said, "Awwwwwwww." I told my mom she could get rid of it, but I think she is actually keeping it (such a-pack rat).

2. Notebooks from college, including a page from my Journalism Notebook that had a page that simply read "This Lecture is Useless".

3. A sign that I had up on my door my freshman year of college. It was made by the only two people in my dorm I had befriended. It was shaped like a shield and said "The Antisocial Club Welcomes Hollie and Jamie" on the back it stated, "Removal of this sign will result in immediate termination of membership". These are the types of people I befriend.

4. Patches and medals from various athletic and academic accomplishments in my high school year. My mom saw them and said, "We could never afford those jackets that you are suppose to put those packets on but you would never want on anyway right?" I believe my answer was, "Really no."

5. And the best thing I think I found, an old box (that used to carry candy I sold for softball) full of cassettes tapes. These tapes have been collected since the early 90's. Here are some awesome examples of what is there: Madonna - Who's that Girl, Hammer - The Funky Headhunter, Arrested Development - 3 Years, 5 months and 2 days in the life of...,Meatloaf - Bat Out of Hell, TLC - Ooooooohh..On the TLC Tip, Xscape - Hummin' Comin' at 'Cha, Crash Test Dummies - God Shuffled His Feet, Naughty by Nature, Domino, and Foreigner 4.

And now I will have this stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

The only good thing about moving is the nostalgia.

8/29/2008

Sarah Palin, I learned about her in my sister's bathroom



This morning when we heard the news about Sarah Palin being chosen as John McCain's running mate, unlike many in America, my family knew right away who see was. We read about her in the Alaska Magazine that has been sitting around in my sister's bathroom.

I think I have to begrudgingly admit that this choice was kind of genius. But it could also be the worst choice in history. I'm hoping for the latter.

8/28/2008

Sometimes my childhood memories sound sketchy

First sketchy memory...rolling cigarettes with Grandma...But I have discussed that one before. Another sketchy memory...Sunday Night dart leagues.

My parents played on a Sunday Night dart league with my Grandparents, and Aunts and Uncles. Every Sunday they would go to a different bar to participate in the league. Every once in a while, mostly when their team was playing at my "Grandparent's bar" (not a bar that they owned but a bar that they frequented...their version of Cheers) they would bring me and my sister and brothers along with them.

We would sit around, drinking our Cokes and watch my parents play while late 70's classic rock played on the juke box. I remember one night my Aunt serenading her brother to Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody (this was before it became big again in Wayne's World) and I'm pretty sure she wasn't drunk.

Reasons it's sketchy sounding to an outsider: Children in a bar.

Reasons it's not sketchy:
A - It was Sunday "Nights" (everything was done by 9pm at the latest), not a big party night
B - The people in the league were older adults, who rarely drank, if at all (like my Grandparents who didn't drink. "Why did they go to bars?" you ask. Because that was their people.)
C - The only bar we went to was a place were everyone knew us and was surprisingly a family friendly place.
D - In Sheboygan, every other social event is held in a bar (or the event room of a bar).

Aw. Sweet Sheboygan childhood memories.

8/16/2008

The Best Story Ever


Read this story about people saving a mother duck and her ducklings. Makes me feel happy.

Marie Claire Says Milwaukee is Sexy

That thought you just had..."WTF"...yeah, I had that too.

I was reading it on jsonline.com when my co-worker came over. We chatted a bit about Michael Phelps and the Russia/Georgia conflict then we had this conversation:

Me: In more local news, Marie Claire voted Milwaukee the sexiest city.
Him: shocked face Like 90 out of 100?
Me: No, as in number one.
Him: Well, obviously they've never been here.
Me: Actually they did say in the article that they didn't send a reporter here. They just did some research about how there was a lot of stuff to do during the summer, like festivals and stuff.
Him: Well that's just because its so cold during the winter that people just want to get outside during the summer.
Me: Yeah, but they are also using the term "Sexy" wrong.

Now...don't get me wrong. I liked Milwaukee before I moved there. And I love it now that I live there. But "Sexy" it is not. "Easy-going", "friendly", "cool" are words I would use.

Marie Claire is "silly".

I'm Going to Try and Have a Blog Happy Weekend

So, I don't have internet access at my apartment. I haven't for 10 months now. For awhile, I grew used to not being able to write my random thoughts on this thing, but I have noticed that lately I have missed it.

Only on here can I talk about the following without having to see passive-aggressive smiles or eyes rolling:
How while on the bus in the morning I randomly look at the older people around me and wonder about their past sex lives. (Probably my attempt to be Amelie-esque in my thoughts.)
My love of everything pop culture and how I try to keep it underwraps and nod when people talk about NPR, even though I rarely if ever listen. (I'm shamefully proud of my obsession.)
How lately my actions have been contradictory from my feelings to a potentially career-killing way. (Has to be some kind of undiagnosised something or other).
My absolutely love and adoration of my niece and nephew. (I love those monkies).
Random news stories and video clips on YouTube I find.

So, those that love my posts (Mom) and those that love to snark at it (I don't think there is anyone besides Mom) rejoice because I will attempt to make a post a day during my weekend in Sheboygan.

7/06/2008

Soundtrack to my life

Recently, when I completed a project at work, I started to hum the Final Countdown to myself (and pumping my fists in the air ever so slightly). Then I realized that I do this all the time. Final Countdown is my "Victory" song.

Actually, I find myself humming songs (or at least singing them in my head) when I am in a particular mood.

Happy Song: Walking on Sunshine
Sad Song: Charlie Brown Theme (you know that sad song that plays when he is walking around)
Angry Song: Down with the Sickness (I have no idea why)
Songs I sing to make others feel awkward: Pony by Ginuwine and Silk's Freak Me
Nostalgia Song: When We Meet Again by G. Love and Special Sauce

and so on...


And according to this, the number #1 song on the day I was born: Maneater by Hall and Oates. And my life's theme song: Independent Woman by Destiny's Child. So true. So true.

This Makes me Feel Awkward

Kissing with Blagg @ Yahoo! Video

You can get the context of this video here.

I love reading the Best Week Ever Blog. If I am ever in a bad mood, it makes me happy. And this video is no different. I was laughing so hard that I was tearing out of one eye.

6/14/2008

I Love Side-by-Side Comparisons

Even if it might not be all that accurate.

I like to think that Lainie looks like me when I was her age:


It's the checks!

But it is probably more accurate to go with my brother Andy and his wife Melody's thoughts on their son Ian:


That would be an uncanny resemblance to Little Foot from Land Before Time.

5/26/2008

The Unfortunate Circumstance of Being "Of Color" in Sheboygan County

I always feel unlucky that I didn't end up with my mom's skin darker skin color. I think that she has a beautiful skin tone, and unlike me, she never has to convince people or deal with eye rolls when she tells people she is Native American. However, although my mom is very proud of her heritage, she tells me that I am lucky that I have lighter skin because I don't have to deal with a lot of the stuff that she has had to deal with in her life.

As you would expect in a mostly white town in the 60's and 70's she and her family were not treated that well. Even after more than 20 years, she still gets treated poorly. Take for example, an instance from this past weekend:

Late one evening she and my dad were leaving my sister's house following a visit with their granddaughter. My dad was going a little over the speed limit in city of Sheboygan Falls so was pulled over. Everything about the procedure was normal, until the police officer asked my mom, who was the passenger, for her ID. My mom, being any normal person, asked why. The police officer said it was just normal procedure. Funny...I don't ever remember having to show my ID being a passenger in a vehicle that was pulled over. I was once even pulled over in Sheboygan Falls (for going 45 in a 45 mph zone, by the way) and they didn't ask my mom, who was my passenger, for her ID.

Later that night, my mom looked up what was standard procedures for police officers when pulling over a vehicle. The information she found stated that an office would only ask for other passengers IDs when there is suspicious behavior. I guess the suspicious behavior would be being a person of color in Sheboygan Falls.

5/25/2008

"Holland, I'm not sure if you are aware of this, but you are hard to read."

I was recently told this by my boss. She thought that I didn't like my job. I told her, honestly, that I did like my job. I guess I have to make an effort to show it, but I don't know how.

I guess I have been thinking too much about it, because I asked my sister what she thought it meant. She didn't know either. She suggested that I go skipping down the halls.

What does that mean, "you're hard to read"? That statement is more what you hear when someone is giving you relationship advice, not so much personality advice.

In typical, break-the-tension-Holland-way, after she told me that I was hard to read, I told my boss that it was the way that I kept up the intrigue. Because what am I if I am not mysterious?

Dora The Explorer and Immigration Supporter


So I was recently watching an episode of Dora the Explorer with my niece. It was an episode in which we find out how she became friends with Boots, Benny the Bull, and all her other friends (and nemesis if you count Swiper).

In the episode she lists off all the places she has to go to, to get to the mountain to drop off the Fiesta Trio's instruments. One of her "obstacles" was a big river. She told all the audience that the had to cross the big river, or as she called it the "Rio Grande".

OMG! She just told the kids to cross the border illegally! For shame Dora. For shame! You know you can't speak like that with this administration.