Recently, when I completed a project at work, I started to hum the Final Countdown to myself (and pumping my fists in the air ever so slightly). Then I realized that I do this all the time. Final Countdown is my "Victory" song.
Actually, I find myself humming songs (or at least singing them in my head) when I am in a particular mood.
Happy Song: Walking on Sunshine
Sad Song: Charlie Brown Theme (you know that sad song that plays when he is walking around)
Angry Song: Down with the Sickness (I have no idea why)
Songs I sing to make others feel awkward: Pony by Ginuwine and Silk's Freak Me
Nostalgia Song: When We Meet Again by G. Love and Special Sauce
and so on...
And according to this, the number #1 song on the day I was born: Maneater by Hall and Oates. And my life's theme song: Independent Woman by Destiny's Child. So true. So true.
7/06/2008
This Makes me Feel Awkward
You can get the context of this video here.
I love reading the Best Week Ever Blog. If I am ever in a bad mood, it makes me happy. And this video is no different. I was laughing so hard that I was tearing out of one eye.
6/14/2008
I Love Side-by-Side Comparisons
Even if it might not be all that accurate.
I like to think that Lainie looks like me when I was her age:
It's the checks!
But it is probably more accurate to go with my brother Andy and his wife Melody's thoughts on their son Ian:
That would be an uncanny resemblance to Little Foot from Land Before Time.
I like to think that Lainie looks like me when I was her age:
It's the checks!
But it is probably more accurate to go with my brother Andy and his wife Melody's thoughts on their son Ian:
That would be an uncanny resemblance to Little Foot from Land Before Time.
5/26/2008
The Unfortunate Circumstance of Being "Of Color" in Sheboygan County
I always feel unlucky that I didn't end up with my mom's skin darker skin color. I think that she has a beautiful skin tone, and unlike me, she never has to convince people or deal with eye rolls when she tells people she is Native American. However, although my mom is very proud of her heritage, she tells me that I am lucky that I have lighter skin because I don't have to deal with a lot of the stuff that she has had to deal with in her life.
As you would expect in a mostly white town in the 60's and 70's she and her family were not treated that well. Even after more than 20 years, she still gets treated poorly. Take for example, an instance from this past weekend:
Late one evening she and my dad were leaving my sister's house following a visit with their granddaughter. My dad was going a little over the speed limit in city of Sheboygan Falls so was pulled over. Everything about the procedure was normal, until the police officer asked my mom, who was the passenger, for her ID. My mom, being any normal person, asked why. The police officer said it was just normal procedure. Funny...I don't ever remember having to show my ID being a passenger in a vehicle that was pulled over. I was once even pulled over in Sheboygan Falls (for going 45 in a 45 mph zone, by the way) and they didn't ask my mom, who was my passenger, for her ID.
Later that night, my mom looked up what was standard procedures for police officers when pulling over a vehicle. The information she found stated that an office would only ask for other passengers IDs when there is suspicious behavior. I guess the suspicious behavior would be being a person of color in Sheboygan Falls.
As you would expect in a mostly white town in the 60's and 70's she and her family were not treated that well. Even after more than 20 years, she still gets treated poorly. Take for example, an instance from this past weekend:
Late one evening she and my dad were leaving my sister's house following a visit with their granddaughter. My dad was going a little over the speed limit in city of Sheboygan Falls so was pulled over. Everything about the procedure was normal, until the police officer asked my mom, who was the passenger, for her ID. My mom, being any normal person, asked why. The police officer said it was just normal procedure. Funny...I don't ever remember having to show my ID being a passenger in a vehicle that was pulled over. I was once even pulled over in Sheboygan Falls (for going 45 in a 45 mph zone, by the way) and they didn't ask my mom, who was my passenger, for her ID.
Later that night, my mom looked up what was standard procedures for police officers when pulling over a vehicle. The information she found stated that an office would only ask for other passengers IDs when there is suspicious behavior. I guess the suspicious behavior would be being a person of color in Sheboygan Falls.
5/25/2008
"Holland, I'm not sure if you are aware of this, but you are hard to read."
I was recently told this by my boss. She thought that I didn't like my job. I told her, honestly, that I did like my job. I guess I have to make an effort to show it, but I don't know how.
I guess I have been thinking too much about it, because I asked my sister what she thought it meant. She didn't know either. She suggested that I go skipping down the halls.
What does that mean, "you're hard to read"? That statement is more what you hear when someone is giving you relationship advice, not so much personality advice.
In typical, break-the-tension-Holland-way, after she told me that I was hard to read, I told my boss that it was the way that I kept up the intrigue. Because what am I if I am not mysterious?
I guess I have been thinking too much about it, because I asked my sister what she thought it meant. She didn't know either. She suggested that I go skipping down the halls.
What does that mean, "you're hard to read"? That statement is more what you hear when someone is giving you relationship advice, not so much personality advice.
In typical, break-the-tension-Holland-way, after she told me that I was hard to read, I told my boss that it was the way that I kept up the intrigue. Because what am I if I am not mysterious?
Dora The Explorer and Immigration Supporter
So I was recently watching an episode of Dora the Explorer with my niece. It was an episode in which we find out how she became friends with Boots, Benny the Bull, and all her other friends (and nemesis if you count Swiper).
In the episode she lists off all the places she has to go to, to get to the mountain to drop off the Fiesta Trio's instruments. One of her "obstacles" was a big river. She told all the audience that the had to cross the big river, or as she called it the "Rio Grande".
OMG! She just told the kids to cross the border illegally! For shame Dora. For shame! You know you can't speak like that with this administration.
5/16/2008
The Cheese Stands Alone
This is probably the meanest children's song ever. I remember always being nervous whenever we sang this song in kindergarten. I really did not want to be picked last. Who wants to be picked last? Having children sing/dance around you singing about you being the cheese that stands alone...all smelly and lonely. The song is as torturous as dodge ball (I still recoil from the noise of the ball being slammed against objects). But I digress...
Not much has happened since the last time I wrote. I went to my first big conference for work in San Diego. This is as much of San Diego as I got to see:
We worked 12+ hour days, dealt with a leaky ceiling and (some) snippy people and I had a blast. I actually enjoy that time to what I am doing now at work, which isn't much since it is a down-time.
My niece turned one. I would have a picture of her attacking her birthday cake, but I don't have one because my digital camera broke. I still shed a tear thinking about it. So sad...so expensive...such a rip-off Service Plan.
Also, its been almost two months since the season started and I already have gone to three Brewers games, one of which I won tickets to through a raffle at work. Those seats were close behind the Brewer's dug out and we got a complementary parking pass right next to the stadium. I brought my dad, sister and brother-in-law and they were all "geeking out" as my brother would say. Yes, my family gets super excited over the little things, it's what makes us so endearing.
Speaking of Geeking Out: I saw Persepolis, which I wasn't even aware was being made into a movie until shortly before the Academy Awards. I saw the English dubbed version. So good...I highly recommend it.
Not much has happened since the last time I wrote. I went to my first big conference for work in San Diego. This is as much of San Diego as I got to see:
We worked 12+ hour days, dealt with a leaky ceiling and (some) snippy people and I had a blast. I actually enjoy that time to what I am doing now at work, which isn't much since it is a down-time.
My niece turned one. I would have a picture of her attacking her birthday cake, but I don't have one because my digital camera broke. I still shed a tear thinking about it. So sad...so expensive...such a rip-off Service Plan.
Also, its been almost two months since the season started and I already have gone to three Brewers games, one of which I won tickets to through a raffle at work. Those seats were close behind the Brewer's dug out and we got a complementary parking pass right next to the stadium. I brought my dad, sister and brother-in-law and they were all "geeking out" as my brother would say. Yes, my family gets super excited over the little things, it's what makes us so endearing.
Speaking of Geeking Out: I saw Persepolis, which I wasn't even aware was being made into a movie until shortly before the Academy Awards. I saw the English dubbed version. So good...I highly recommend it.
3/24/2008
And Now I Hate Spring
This is what greeted the first full day of spring in 2008 for Milwaukee. Wooo!
This is what Ian and Lainie think about the snow:
Shock and Snickers.
"What the hell is that suppose to mean?"
So lately, I have been telling this little story to whoever will listen to me. I just can't seem to wrap it around my head, and also why I am so affected by it. I was talking with a co-worker (I think we were talking about appearance at work) and she had mentioned to me that I looked "wholesome." If someone had taken a picture of me at the exact moment that word was uttered, they would have the perfect expression for WTF?.
I don't look wholesome! I wear holey jeans and ratty shoes! I have a mean-don't-mess-with-me scowl! I drink and swear like a sailor! I have tattooes! Isn't that the antithesis of wholesome?
Wholesome is defined, according to dictionary.com, as:
whole·some
–adjective
1. conducive to moral or general well-being; salutary; beneficial: wholesome recreation; wholesome environment.
2. conducive to bodily health; healthful; salubrious: wholesome food; wholesome air; wholesome exercise.
3. suggestive of physical or moral health, esp. in appearance.
4. healthy or sound.
And here is what thersaurus.com says:
Main Entry: wholesome
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: healthy
Synonyms: all there, beneficial, clean, decent, edifying, ethical, exemplary, fit, good, hale, health-giving, healthful, helpful, honorable, hygienic, innocent, invigorating, moral, nice, normal, nourishing, nutritious, nutritive, pure, respectable, restorative, right, righteous, safe, salubrious, salutary, sane, sanitary, sound, strengthening, together, virtuous, well, worthy
This doesn't sound bad does it? So what is my problem? Why do I fight being defined as wholesome? I guess for me when I think wholesome I think innocent, naive, pure. I would rather be seen as worldly, experienced (and not in THAT way), and realistic. Hey, I even would rather be definied as cynical and jaded.
But, in reality, I am just kidding myself. I like to spend, what others may see as too many, weekends home visiting my family. I like websites devoted to cute animal pictures. Babies make me smile and talk in an annoyingly high voice. Shows like Extreme Home Makeover make me cry (and if you tell anyone, I will kick your ass...ok, no I won't). I find myself smiling at strangers. Yes, I am more wholesome than I want to admit.
I don't look wholesome! I wear holey jeans and ratty shoes! I have a mean-don't-mess-with-me scowl! I drink and swear like a sailor! I have tattooes! Isn't that the antithesis of wholesome?
Wholesome is defined, according to dictionary.com, as:
whole·some
–adjective
1. conducive to moral or general well-being; salutary; beneficial: wholesome recreation; wholesome environment.
2. conducive to bodily health; healthful; salubrious: wholesome food; wholesome air; wholesome exercise.
3. suggestive of physical or moral health, esp. in appearance.
4. healthy or sound.
And here is what thersaurus.com says:
Main Entry: wholesome
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: healthy
Synonyms: all there, beneficial, clean, decent, edifying, ethical, exemplary, fit, good, hale, health-giving, healthful, helpful, honorable, hygienic, innocent, invigorating, moral, nice, normal, nourishing, nutritious, nutritive, pure, respectable, restorative, right, righteous, safe, salubrious, salutary, sane, sanitary, sound, strengthening, together, virtuous, well, worthy
This doesn't sound bad does it? So what is my problem? Why do I fight being defined as wholesome? I guess for me when I think wholesome I think innocent, naive, pure. I would rather be seen as worldly, experienced (and not in THAT way), and realistic. Hey, I even would rather be definied as cynical and jaded.
But, in reality, I am just kidding myself. I like to spend, what others may see as too many, weekends home visiting my family. I like websites devoted to cute animal pictures. Babies make me smile and talk in an annoyingly high voice. Shows like Extreme Home Makeover make me cry (and if you tell anyone, I will kick your ass...ok, no I won't). I find myself smiling at strangers. Yes, I am more wholesome than I want to admit.
3/02/2008
Introducing my nephew Ian James
So one of his auntie's on his mama's side is a professional photographer (you can see her work here) so he is going to be photographed well his entire life:
And, a picture that I took (just to compare the good from the bad):
And, a picture that I took (just to compare the good from the bad):
I HATE WINTER!
These are put in chronological order.
And yet, these photos don't even start to touch the root of my hate. I'm looking forward to spring.
And yet, these photos don't even start to touch the root of my hate. I'm looking forward to spring.
2/16/2008
Warm Fuzzy Feeling of Grandma
When I was young, my brothers and sister and I would routinely go over to our grandma and grandpa's house. They would watch us while our parents worked or ran errands. All of us remember this with fond memories. We each remembered something different about the experience.
Michael would remember going over their to watch Lost in Space and Land of the Lost on cable (which we didn't have at our own home at the time). My other siblings would remember things like, grandma letting us have the sugar cubes that she used for her coffee. Or playing with her massive amount of knick-knacks (is that how you spell it?) or jewelery (she would wear a ring on each finger). But my memory was special.
Yes, I used to help my grandma roll her cigarettes. Not manually. No, grandma had a specail cigarette roller. I still remember pulling up a chair next to grandma. She would take out the rolling machine and her big coffee container-turned-tobacco-holder. I still don't remember exactly what my job was, but I have faint memories of the taste of rolling papers (and that memory would not be from recent memories), so it might have been my job to lick the paper. Perhaps I didn't have a job, and Grandma just told me I was helping to make me happy.
When I recently revealed this memory to my family we both ended up a little surprised. They were surprised because
A: None of them remember helping her with that task
B: They never heard about it until right then
C: It was kind of a weird "Good" memory to have
And I was surprised that
A: No one else helped her
B: I never talked about it until then
C: It was, in fact, a weird memory to have and enjoy
Then it kind of made me happy. I had a memory that was so distinct from my other siblings. Maybe that is why I never shared with others. Not because I was ashamed of it but because I wanted it to be my own. Sure, it is a complete bizarre warm, fuzzy memory to have but you would have to know my grandma to know why the memory is funny and cute at the same time.
I shall always think of my grandma when I smell stale smoke; when I see gawdy knick-knacks and land ornaments; when I pass by small little frail bodies that you have to lean down to hug; and when I see my mom look at her grandchildren with loving and adoring eyes. I can only hope that Lainie and Ian love my mom as much as I loved and love my Grandma.
Michael would remember going over their to watch Lost in Space and Land of the Lost on cable (which we didn't have at our own home at the time). My other siblings would remember things like, grandma letting us have the sugar cubes that she used for her coffee. Or playing with her massive amount of knick-knacks (is that how you spell it?) or jewelery (she would wear a ring on each finger). But my memory was special.
Yes, I used to help my grandma roll her cigarettes. Not manually. No, grandma had a specail cigarette roller. I still remember pulling up a chair next to grandma. She would take out the rolling machine and her big coffee container-turned-tobacco-holder. I still don't remember exactly what my job was, but I have faint memories of the taste of rolling papers (and that memory would not be from recent memories), so it might have been my job to lick the paper. Perhaps I didn't have a job, and Grandma just told me I was helping to make me happy.
When I recently revealed this memory to my family we both ended up a little surprised. They were surprised because
A: None of them remember helping her with that task
B: They never heard about it until right then
C: It was kind of a weird "Good" memory to have
And I was surprised that
A: No one else helped her
B: I never talked about it until then
C: It was, in fact, a weird memory to have and enjoy
Then it kind of made me happy. I had a memory that was so distinct from my other siblings. Maybe that is why I never shared with others. Not because I was ashamed of it but because I wanted it to be my own. Sure, it is a complete bizarre warm, fuzzy memory to have but you would have to know my grandma to know why the memory is funny and cute at the same time.
I shall always think of my grandma when I smell stale smoke; when I see gawdy knick-knacks and land ornaments; when I pass by small little frail bodies that you have to lean down to hug; and when I see my mom look at her grandchildren with loving and adoring eyes. I can only hope that Lainie and Ian love my mom as much as I loved and love my Grandma.
2/14/2008
My Very First Nephew...I Shall Call Him Tino
But really his name is Ian James. Melody, my sister-in-law, went into labor early this morning. I went to work, knowing that it would take a while, and that it would be hard to travel home due to yet another snow storm. Yet I still drove despite less than adequate road conditions to be with my family, my brother and sister-in-law and my new little nephew.
Unfortunately I can't share photos, because I forgot my USB cord. I shall save that for another day, another post.
Little Ian has blonde hair, which is totally odd for my side of the family as all the babies were born with dark hair. Who knows, he might grow out of it. He was 22inches and 8lbs and 1 oz. 5 days past the due date. On Valentine's on less. I like to think that Melody had this all planned out. She is such a romantic. Or maybe it was Ian's idea. He knew as an adult, he had to have a way to remember Valentine's. I have decided to call him Tino, short for Valentino. He looks more like a Tino anyway.
A quick note about the crazy ride home. Milwaukee to Sheboygan is about a little more than 60 miles so it takes about an hour at most to get back home usually. Well it took me two hours to get home today (35mph on the Freeway? Oh yeah). Family at the hospital knew that I left right after work so after a while people got worried. My mom and sister both called me and I didn't answer (I honestly didn't get any "Missed" calls even though their phones have "Outgoing" calls to me). My brother-in-law was about to drive to make sure I wasn't in a ditch. My sister, according to my mother, was almost crying. And my brother was worried, according to my mother, because he didn't want me to be hurt because I was coming home to see his baby. It turned out the last time they called me, I was sitting in the room with Melody, holding Ian. I wasn't in a ditch.
To conclude: If need be: my family will re-populate the earth.
Unfortunately I can't share photos, because I forgot my USB cord. I shall save that for another day, another post.
Little Ian has blonde hair, which is totally odd for my side of the family as all the babies were born with dark hair. Who knows, he might grow out of it. He was 22inches and 8lbs and 1 oz. 5 days past the due date. On Valentine's on less. I like to think that Melody had this all planned out. She is such a romantic. Or maybe it was Ian's idea. He knew as an adult, he had to have a way to remember Valentine's. I have decided to call him Tino, short for Valentino. He looks more like a Tino anyway.
A quick note about the crazy ride home. Milwaukee to Sheboygan is about a little more than 60 miles so it takes about an hour at most to get back home usually. Well it took me two hours to get home today (35mph on the Freeway? Oh yeah). Family at the hospital knew that I left right after work so after a while people got worried. My mom and sister both called me and I didn't answer (I honestly didn't get any "Missed" calls even though their phones have "Outgoing" calls to me). My brother-in-law was about to drive to make sure I wasn't in a ditch. My sister, according to my mother, was almost crying. And my brother was worried, according to my mother, because he didn't want me to be hurt because I was coming home to see his baby. It turned out the last time they called me, I was sitting in the room with Melody, holding Ian. I wasn't in a ditch.
To conclude: If need be: my family will re-populate the earth.
2/10/2008
Still Alive and Without the Internet and Now Addicted to Rockband
Not much has happened since I last blogged. I'm still working and loving the job. Its really surprising, because initially going into my position, I didn't understand the workings of association management companies. Now, I am thinking about how this job can benefit me longterm. It's exciting and kind of scary. Scary only because when I think of longterm anything, it scares me. I'm a bit of a commitment-phobe.
Currently, I'm early waiting the arrival of my brother and sister-in-law's first baby...my first nephew. I actually came home to Sheboygan because I was convinced that this was THE WEEKEND. However, it didn't happen. I feel bad for Melody, my sister-in-law. Everyone around her was so sure that she was going to deliver really early, and here it is a day after her due date.
When I first saw her this weekend, I asked her how she was doing, she just looked at me and sighed deeply while every so slightly rolling her eyes. She then went into how she can't sleep because it is too uncomfortable. Makes me stand even firmer on the stance of me NEVER having babies. I'm way to selfish to give up my body for someone else to feed off of for 9+ months.
Offhand, I just have to say that it feels weird to "surf" the internet now. After checking my email, facebook and myspace, I don't really know what else to do. I am acutally liking this new found freedom. For serious, I thought I was getting addicted to the internet for awhile. Its nice not having to rely so heavily on something.
Speaking of addictions...I just got to play Rockband for the first time this weekend, and HOLY SHIT! Is that stuff awesome. I am probably the worst player ever, but it is still fun. I got to play with my brothers and Melody last night (by the way imagine a heavily pregnant lady playing a tiny guitar resting untop of her stomach...too funny). My dad said that it was humourous to watch 4 young adults get so giddy about a video game. It made him flash back to our even younger years.
Highlights of the Rockband experience:
-The singer doesn't even have to sing really, just hum in pitch. Which is probably why its something I am better at.
-My brother was so focused on "winning fans" that he demoted me from drums to guitar to bass. My mom passed by us and asked me what was wrong, I just frowned and said, "Andy thinks I suck, so he put me on bass."
-My niece Lainie was over while her parents were out for a night at the Milwaukee Symphony. My mom asked me to keep an eye on her while she finished cleaning up. I was practicing my drumming while Lainie was fussing in her exasaucer. I just kept on playing but saying, "What's wrong Laaaaaaaiiiiiiinnniiiieee?" in a funny voice. It was my way of trying to pacify her while still playing. Hey...it worked.
-This morning I woke my mom up because I was rocking out so hard on the drums.
-I have now perfected my "power stance" and high kick while playing the guitar/bass.
I think I may have to visit Sheboygan more often.
Currently, I'm early waiting the arrival of my brother and sister-in-law's first baby...my first nephew. I actually came home to Sheboygan because I was convinced that this was THE WEEKEND. However, it didn't happen. I feel bad for Melody, my sister-in-law. Everyone around her was so sure that she was going to deliver really early, and here it is a day after her due date.
When I first saw her this weekend, I asked her how she was doing, she just looked at me and sighed deeply while every so slightly rolling her eyes. She then went into how she can't sleep because it is too uncomfortable. Makes me stand even firmer on the stance of me NEVER having babies. I'm way to selfish to give up my body for someone else to feed off of for 9+ months.
Offhand, I just have to say that it feels weird to "surf" the internet now. After checking my email, facebook and myspace, I don't really know what else to do. I am acutally liking this new found freedom. For serious, I thought I was getting addicted to the internet for awhile. Its nice not having to rely so heavily on something.
Speaking of addictions...I just got to play Rockband for the first time this weekend, and HOLY SHIT! Is that stuff awesome. I am probably the worst player ever, but it is still fun. I got to play with my brothers and Melody last night (by the way imagine a heavily pregnant lady playing a tiny guitar resting untop of her stomach...too funny). My dad said that it was humourous to watch 4 young adults get so giddy about a video game. It made him flash back to our even younger years.
Highlights of the Rockband experience:
-The singer doesn't even have to sing really, just hum in pitch. Which is probably why its something I am better at.
-My brother was so focused on "winning fans" that he demoted me from drums to guitar to bass. My mom passed by us and asked me what was wrong, I just frowned and said, "Andy thinks I suck, so he put me on bass."
-My niece Lainie was over while her parents were out for a night at the Milwaukee Symphony. My mom asked me to keep an eye on her while she finished cleaning up. I was practicing my drumming while Lainie was fussing in her exasaucer. I just kept on playing but saying, "What's wrong Laaaaaaaiiiiiiinnniiiieee?" in a funny voice. It was my way of trying to pacify her while still playing. Hey...it worked.
-This morning I woke my mom up because I was rocking out so hard on the drums.
-I have now perfected my "power stance" and high kick while playing the guitar/bass.
I think I may have to visit Sheboygan more often.
12/23/2007
My...those are nice fallopian tubes you have
I hate going out to drink in Sheboygan. There is something about the chance of running into old classmates that makes me want to vomit. But I will go out if there is a special reason. And this past weekend there was two: My sister and brother-in-law actually going out for the first time in a long time and my friend Kim coming home from South Carolina.
Let me explain my friend Kim before I go on. She loves to start conversations with new and random people. Usually she will start with an oddball opening, or trying to convince the people that she is someone that she is not. A good example of this is her telling people that I am a ballerina.
So my mission for the night, was to try out Kim's new pick up line: "Excuse me, but I thought you would like to know that I have really nice fallopian tubes." Normally my reaction to this would be, "Fuck yeah Kim. There is no way I will do that." Unfortunately I am very susceptible to peer pressure, so with Kim, my sister and brother-in-law cheering me on, I spotted some non-threatening guy and decided to try it out. Here's how it went down:
Me: Excuse me guys, but I am going to say something to you and I just want your immediate reaction to it.
Guys: Ok. Go.
Me: Well, I have really nice fallopian tubes.
Guys: *Nervous laugh*
Guy A: No one has ever said that to me before. And I am kind of turned off right now.
Guy B: Besides, you wouldn't know how your fallopian tubes look like. I would know because my mom is a gynecologist.
*some random talking about guy b's mom being a gyno and other pick up lines*
Me: *after some awkward silence and staring at each other* Uhhhh..So, I don't know what else to say. Would you like to hear a joke?
Guys: Yes.
*I tell a dirty joke involving Cinderella and Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater.*
Me: *Immediately following the joke* Yeah! High Five! *I high five both of them*
Guys: *Laugh and look at each other like they think I'm weird*
Guy A: Ok, so what are you drinking because I'm buying?
Yeah...that's right. That line got me not only one free drink, but two.
Let me explain my friend Kim before I go on. She loves to start conversations with new and random people. Usually she will start with an oddball opening, or trying to convince the people that she is someone that she is not. A good example of this is her telling people that I am a ballerina.
So my mission for the night, was to try out Kim's new pick up line: "Excuse me, but I thought you would like to know that I have really nice fallopian tubes." Normally my reaction to this would be, "Fuck yeah Kim. There is no way I will do that." Unfortunately I am very susceptible to peer pressure, so with Kim, my sister and brother-in-law cheering me on, I spotted some non-threatening guy and decided to try it out. Here's how it went down:
Me: Excuse me guys, but I am going to say something to you and I just want your immediate reaction to it.
Guys: Ok. Go.
Me: Well, I have really nice fallopian tubes.
Guys: *Nervous laugh*
Guy A: No one has ever said that to me before. And I am kind of turned off right now.
Guy B: Besides, you wouldn't know how your fallopian tubes look like. I would know because my mom is a gynecologist.
*some random talking about guy b's mom being a gyno and other pick up lines*
Me: *after some awkward silence and staring at each other* Uhhhh..So, I don't know what else to say. Would you like to hear a joke?
Guys: Yes.
*I tell a dirty joke involving Cinderella and Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater.*
Me: *Immediately following the joke* Yeah! High Five! *I high five both of them*
Guys: *Laugh and look at each other like they think I'm weird*
Guy A: Ok, so what are you drinking because I'm buying?
Yeah...that's right. That line got me not only one free drink, but two.
12/01/2007
Reason #1234, Why I'd be a Horrible Mother
This past Thanksgiving weekend I was back home in Sheboygan with my family celebrating my little cousin's 4 year old birthday (isn't that crazy that I have cousins that are over 20 years younger than me?). Her 6ish year old brother tells all of us that he has a Ryan Braun baseball card.
I say to him, "Really? That's awesome! You have a Ryan Braun rookie card?" The surprising thing is I said it without a hint of sarcasm, because A) He's 6 and doesn't understand sarcasm and B) I actually really, really like Ryan Braun.
My cousin got all excited and ran over to me with his little box of baseball ball cards. He shuffles through them and shows me a Ryan Braun card. Just not the Milwaukee Brewer Ryan Braun.
Instead of saying, "Whoa, that's way awesome Brandon." I say, "That's not THE Ryan Braun!"
Right after I say this, I see his little face look so dejected and I feel like crap for not being nicer about it. I did ask him if he had any more cool cards, and he showed me a Corey Hart card. Still awesome, which I let him know.
To make up for it even more, I play Life with him and his older sister. Then comes Reason #1235 why I would be a horrible mother, the entire time I was playing I was thinking, "Come on, let's make this snappy. I got to get back to Milwaukee and get drunk."
I say to him, "Really? That's awesome! You have a Ryan Braun rookie card?" The surprising thing is I said it without a hint of sarcasm, because A) He's 6 and doesn't understand sarcasm and B) I actually really, really like Ryan Braun.
My cousin got all excited and ran over to me with his little box of baseball ball cards. He shuffles through them and shows me a Ryan Braun card. Just not the Milwaukee Brewer Ryan Braun.
Instead of saying, "Whoa, that's way awesome Brandon." I say, "That's not THE Ryan Braun!"
Right after I say this, I see his little face look so dejected and I feel like crap for not being nicer about it. I did ask him if he had any more cool cards, and he showed me a Corey Hart card. Still awesome, which I let him know.
To make up for it even more, I play Life with him and his older sister. Then comes Reason #1235 why I would be a horrible mother, the entire time I was playing I was thinking, "Come on, let's make this snappy. I got to get back to Milwaukee and get drunk."
11/21/2007
Rules of Riding the City Bus
I can't and don't want to drive to work. This is because parking on the street is out of the option (no room) and parking in the reserved structure would cost me nearly 60 bucks a month (on top of any parking I would pay for street/apartment parking). Plus I hate driving (even if it is a short distance). So instead of taking my companies discounted parking pass, I opted for taking the discounted bus pass (which I can use at anytime, even if it isn't work related).
When I was a kid, I took the bus every where. But riding the bus as a kid in a small city (with either of your parents with your) and riding as an adult female by herself in a city 10x the size of her hometown, are two entirely different kids. Here are the rules I have set for riding the bus in Milwaukee:
1. Have your money/pass ready upon entering the bus. Only doucebags hold up the bus by rummaging through their purse/bag/pockets for spare change.
2. If there are open benches, sit in an empty one as opposed to sitting right next to someone. This makes the person feel uncomfortable.
3. Wear earphones so that there is minimum interacting with other bus patrons. Also stare off to space and never make eye contact.
4. Don't sit in the handicap seats unless necessary. Also get your ass up if you see a senior citizen enter and there is no other sitting area. Your young legs can handle standing.
5. Be polite to the driver.
6. If bus is full, don't use the seat next to you for your bag, legs, hat etc. Allow someone to sit next to you. Once they are next to you, act as though they don't exist.
7. If person around you has distinct odor (ie. excess BO or cologne) act like you don't smell it. Its the polite thing to do.
To sum up. Be fast, efficient, polite and mind your own business.
Another quick story, while waiting for the bus one morning I witnessed a squirrel get run over by a car. It was surprisingly upsetting. I was shocked when I first saw it. I kind of looked like this:
OK. The story was true, but it was an excuse to post an adorable picture.
When I was a kid, I took the bus every where. But riding the bus as a kid in a small city (with either of your parents with your) and riding as an adult female by herself in a city 10x the size of her hometown, are two entirely different kids. Here are the rules I have set for riding the bus in Milwaukee:
1. Have your money/pass ready upon entering the bus. Only doucebags hold up the bus by rummaging through their purse/bag/pockets for spare change.
2. If there are open benches, sit in an empty one as opposed to sitting right next to someone. This makes the person feel uncomfortable.
3. Wear earphones so that there is minimum interacting with other bus patrons. Also stare off to space and never make eye contact.
4. Don't sit in the handicap seats unless necessary. Also get your ass up if you see a senior citizen enter and there is no other sitting area. Your young legs can handle standing.
5. Be polite to the driver.
6. If bus is full, don't use the seat next to you for your bag, legs, hat etc. Allow someone to sit next to you. Once they are next to you, act as though they don't exist.
7. If person around you has distinct odor (ie. excess BO or cologne) act like you don't smell it. Its the polite thing to do.
To sum up. Be fast, efficient, polite and mind your own business.
Another quick story, while waiting for the bus one morning I witnessed a squirrel get run over by a car. It was surprisingly upsetting. I was shocked when I first saw it. I kind of looked like this:
OK. The story was true, but it was an excuse to post an adorable picture.
11/11/2007
I'm Alive and Well
I'm also living Internet-less in Milwaukee. That's why I haven't written anything in here, and most likely won't again. At least not for awhile.
Things are going extraordinarily well. I have a tiny little efficiency on the east side. The job is going well. In fact two weekends ago I had my first business trip (to Worcester, MA) with the new job. I didn't really have to do much, because I was and am still learning but it was nice to see the process of the organization. Plus it was good bonding time with my co-workers and the software guys we work with. Let's just say there was a lot of talk about zombie movies, video games and other nerdy stuff. It was awesome.
You know what else is nice? Having a job and constant source of income.
I have nothing else of interest to say. Obviously being content with my life has made all the stories go away. Give it a few months (and easier access to the Internet) and I may be back with my complaining and hating.
Things are going extraordinarily well. I have a tiny little efficiency on the east side. The job is going well. In fact two weekends ago I had my first business trip (to Worcester, MA) with the new job. I didn't really have to do much, because I was and am still learning but it was nice to see the process of the organization. Plus it was good bonding time with my co-workers and the software guys we work with. Let's just say there was a lot of talk about zombie movies, video games and other nerdy stuff. It was awesome.
You know what else is nice? Having a job and constant source of income.
I have nothing else of interest to say. Obviously being content with my life has made all the stories go away. Give it a few months (and easier access to the Internet) and I may be back with my complaining and hating.
10/01/2007
Yeah, that's right...trust me with your 4-month old daughter...for an entire weekend!
My sister and her husband went on their one-year anniversary weekend get-away. They asked me to watch their daughter Lainie (since I live with them, and they didn't want her to be in a different environment). As it turned out, I didn't even really have to watch her by myself for that long.
I was suppose to start Friday after work. However I got a call from my brother Thursday night asking me to go to the Brewer's game with him on Friday night. I love me some Brewer's, so once I found out my mom was watching the baby, I said sure.
Here's the summary of the game. The Bratwurst won:
A girl wore socks with sandals:
I got myself my first Brewer's Bobblehead. Don Money:
The Brewer's lost, thus closing any chance at the playoffs:
It's ok Andy, they are a young team, there is always next year.
By the time I got home, Lainie was already asleep. My parents left, I turned on the monitor and went to sleep at around midnight. Lainie woke up at 6am, I played with her like a dazed, sleepless zombie and she was back down for her routine nap at 8:30am. So what did that mean for me? Naptime! Both of us got woken up by my parents who came to get us ready and take us to the Brewer's game (once again)! This was Lainie's first Brewer's game, so we got her dressed to impress:
Of course everyone thought she looked like a boy. As I was walking with her up the stairs, a man said, "Aw looks. He's going to be quite the slugger." I responded with, "Yes. Yes, SHE is."
So, our seats weren't the best. And by not he best, I mean were were in the last row we could possibly be in. But we still had fun:
Mostly we had fun because the Brewer's won, thus sealing a winning season. Hey, beggars can't be choosers. Oh, and the Italian Sausage won, no picture for this one.
That night, my parents stayed until Lainie fell asleep (it was my turn to do it this time). We all marveled at how well behaved she was the whole weekend. My parents left around 10, and I went to sleep shortly afterward. I woke up at around midnight to Lainie crying. As I walked down the hallway, I noticed that the door was open. My sister's cat, Iggy, had knocked open the door. When I walked into the room, I saw Iggy trying hard to cuddle up to Lainie, and she not taking any of it. Not only is Iggy a cuddle slut:
but he adores Lainie. I yelled at him, she got out, I soothed Lainie back to sleep.
Because she doesn't understand sleeping in on the weekends, she got up at 6 once again on Sunday. I groggily talked and played with her. This time she didn't take a nap (she was about to, until her mommy awoke her with a phone call informing me that she was coming home). When her parents came home, I stayed up long enough to inform them of her (and my) weekend and watch Brett Favre get his record breaking touchdown pass, before I passed out myself.
Overall, exhausting weekend, and I am still sure that I don't want kids (I like my sleep WAAAAAY too much). It was too hard, and I barely even really watched her. I'll just adore my niece and all future nieces and nephews:
9/14/2007
I Got an Extra Bounce In My Step!
Normally I hate the start of fall. The sky gets greyer, the weather colder, its the same season that my grandma passed away. In general, its the time I start to get sad and gloomy, but suprisingly, I am not even close to that. Nothing is keeping me down from this high I'm on. I don't know what it is, besides starting a new job, but I am just so happy with my life right now.
I think the ultimate test was yesterday. It was "Date Night" in Sheboygan Falls. Couples were walking around downtown, going to bars, getting carriage rides, holding hands. Normally this would have me buh-hum-bugging all day. But, to my surprise, it actually made me smile...even more than I already was! I'm like the Grinch, and my heart is growing three sizes too big.
I catch myself doing a tiny happy dance while I'm standing in place (of course not when other people are looking, I don't want to embarrass myself). I just feel like squeeling, "WEEEEEEE."
BTW: I Google Imaged the term "happy dance" and found this from this website
Yeah...that's how I feel.
I think the ultimate test was yesterday. It was "Date Night" in Sheboygan Falls. Couples were walking around downtown, going to bars, getting carriage rides, holding hands. Normally this would have me buh-hum-bugging all day. But, to my surprise, it actually made me smile...even more than I already was! I'm like the Grinch, and my heart is growing three sizes too big.
I catch myself doing a tiny happy dance while I'm standing in place (of course not when other people are looking, I don't want to embarrass myself). I just feel like squeeling, "WEEEEEEE."
BTW: I Google Imaged the term "happy dance" and found this from this website
Yeah...that's how I feel.
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